General Jack Year One
by Flatkatsi
Summary: The adventures of General Jack
1. Strange Days Indeed

Author's Note: I began this series well before Jack's promotion to general in the show. I've tried as hard as possible to keep the stories from becoming AU, but sometimes events occur in the show that I didn't expect. When this happens I make some attempt to drag my General Jack series kicking and screaming back to canon. Please forgive the differences.

Strange Days Indeed

By Flatkatsi

* * *

It was the shot that changed everything.

Changed our little secret world.

Changed how we acted, how we thought.

Changed the way that others saw me.

Changed how I saw myself.

It changed everything.

* * *

I heard it as I walked towards the control room and arrived in time to find a controlled chaos. The General was slumped over the control panel, Davis bending over him frantically trying to stem the blood. Two extremely angry SFs were holding Lieutenant Connelly, a pistol lying on the floor in front of him. It didn't take a genius to see what had happened.

Now they all looked to me to pick up the pieces and make it all right again.

Looking at the General, I didn't think that I could.

The adrenaline kicked in about then. Hammond was stabilised and then taken by helicopter to the Academy Hospital with the Doc following him every step of the way. The Lieutenant was put into a holding cell, a guard watching his every move and I was picking up the red phone and talking to the President of the United States of America.

* * *

"How is he, Doc?" Janet had just come out of the General's ICU room. From the glimpse that I got of him before the door shut, it wasn't looking good. I had had enough personal experience of situations like this to recognise the signs.

"It's too soon to tell, Colonel" Janet looked tired, as well she might. She had been with the General since he had been brought in hours ago. "His injuries are serious - the bullet hit him square in the chest. He's lucky to be alive."

I remembered the scene - the blood obscenely staining his normally pristine shirt. It had taken all my military discipline to stop myself from shooting Lieutenant Connelly where he stood.

"Keep me apprised, Janet." As I turned to go, I could see the surprise in her eyes. She had expected me to stay at the hospital, sit with the General's family until we knew that he was out of danger, but I couldn't.

It wasn't that I didn't want to.

But I couldn't.

* * *

Washington was my next stop - called in for a personal meeting with General Ryan. There was a car waiting for me when I touched down and I was whisked straight off.

I should have seen it coming, but I didn't.

"Sit down, Colonel."

I'd met General Ryan several times previously, but he had never looked at me in quite this way before.

Appraising.

But like a good little soldier, I thanked him and sat. There was a brief silence. His gaze was still on me.

Calculating.

Now don't get me wrong, I respect the General. Hell, I even like him. But he was the top of the Top Brass and I had spent several years keeping as far away from that little clique as possible.

"I've just spoken to General Hammond's doctor, Colonel." He must have seen the look in my eyes, because he continued quickly. "His condition has stabilised and he is out of danger for the moment, but he is still a very sick man and will be for some time." He paused once more. "What happened, Jack?"

Jack? That was unexpected.

"One of our new recruits was responsible, Sir. From our preliminary investigations and statements that he has made, it seems that he has developed an almost pathological fear of aliens. He saw the General as helping to hand our planet over to them. We have had him transferred to a secure psychiatric facility." I thought back to the ranting lunatic that had replaced the placid Lieutenant Connelly and inwardly mourned for the needless loss of a promising young man.

The General shook his head. I knew that his thoughts were running along the same lines as mine.

"I've spoken to the President and we've decided that we need a more senior rank than colonel in charge of the SGC. Especially as it looks like George won't be back for some time." I could almost hear the unspoken "if at all" following his words. 'We will have to appoint someone immediately."

I won't disguise the fact that I was a bit disappointed by this. I had hoped for some time to get the Base back up to speed, to something resembling its normal efficiency after the shock of what had happened.

You see - I still couldn't see the wood for the trees.

That was when General Ryan dropped his bombshell.

"You are therefore promoted to general, effective immediately. Congratulations, Jack." And he leaned forward and held out his hand. I took it instinctively, feeling the firm grip as he shook it. "I just wish that it could have been under more pleasant circumstances."

Crap. Double crap.

* * *

"No"

If I could have taken a photo of that moment, I could have sold it for a fortune in every Airforce base in the country. The General sat with his mouth open, looking extremely un-Top Brassy.

I took a rapid mental step back and regrouped.

"Sir."

Didn't help.

Not one of my finest moments.

I watched the General shut his mouth and, with an obvious effort, shut his eyes and take a deep breath. I could almost hear him counting to ten - slowly. Very slowly.

"General O'Neill."

Damn.

This wasn't looking good.

"I have the papers here. Signed by the President himself. We didn't take this decision without due thought." General Ryan looked me straight in the eye.

I flinched.

I couldn't help it.

"There are other considerations here, Jack." We were getting really friendly here. "Commander Thor."

Ah ha! The little light bulb above my head finally lit up.

And I smiled.

I let the General carry on telling me about how I was the only one that the Asgards trusted. And the Nox.

And I smiled.

He finally stopped talking.

It was my turn.

"I'll do it on one condition, General." It was his turn to take a mental step back. I had to handle this with kid gloves. It doesn't do to antagonise your boss. But I had him and he knew it.

He gave a rueful smile. "I think that I know what it is, Jack."

He did, did he? Let's see if he was right.

"I don't want to lead from the back, Sir. I want to stay in the front line. And that means off world missions. I don't want to be stuck behind a desk"

He was nodding. Damn - he had known. He had known right from the minute that I stepped into the office.

This man was dangerous.

"Agreed, Jack. Within reason of course. We can't have the Commander of the SGC off world when the President calls, now can we?"

"Interim Commander, General. It's just until General Hammond gets back."

This time it was me looking him straight in the eye.

He nodded. "Just until General Hammond gets back." And it was his turn to smile. "We've rewritten the history books with the Stargate program, Jack. I don't see why we can't rewrite the military ones as well."

I had the feeling that he was enjoying himself and I decided that I may as well go along for the ride.

* * *

The rest of the day in Washington was slightly less exciting.

I got to have a cosy chat with the President.

I kept smiling.

I got that nice shiny new star to replace the eagle. Pity - the bird looked a lot better. I had always liked it, somehow it suited the Airforce. Although, thinking about it, I suppose that a star was more appropriate for me, given my job description.

And Brigadier General Jack O'Neill stepped into his own personal car and was driven to his own personal plane and flown back to his own personal base.

I was still smiling.

* * *

On the way back to Colorado Springs I did a lot of thinking.

Things were going to have to change.

I would have to prove to everyone that I was the right person for the job and not just Thor's pet human.

I would have to drop the act.

* * *

It wasn't until after I got into the mountain that it started to register with people. I suppose that everyone just saw what they expected to see as I walked quickly through the corridor from the elevator and into General Hammond's office. I made a quick call to the hospital for an update on his condition. Janet wasn't able to tell me much more than I already knew - George was still critical but expected to improve. He wouldn't be awake for a while though. I asked the Doc to let me know when it looked like he was waking.

I had just hung up the phone when there was a knock on the door.

I knew who this was likely to be.

Yeap - Carter, Daniel and Teal'c. They couldn't wait to find out what had happened in Washington. Well Carter and Daniel couldn't wait. Teal'c could always wait.

I jumped in before they could start talking with a quick repeat of the Doc's report. Then I realised that they weren't even trying to talk. They were just staring.

"What's up, kids?"

I can do innocent when I try.

Daniel looked like he had seen a ghost.

Teal'c looked pleased.

And Carter looked worried.

"Congratulations, General O'Neill." Trust Teal'c to get straight to the heart of the matter.

"Thanks, Teal'c." I looked over at the other two. It made a nice change to see Daniel at a loss for words.

Then I realised what Carter was thinking. No more O'Neill on SG-1. O'Neill sitting behind a desk.

"Don't look so worried, Carter. It's only until Hammond gets back."

She didn't look relieved.

"Then what, Sir? With all due respect, General, they don't promote someone and then just take it back." You could see that she had had to force herself to call me General. She almost spat the word out.

Daniel was still just sitting there. Still not talking.

"No, Carter, they don't." I stood up and moved over to where she was standing. "General Ryan and I have come to an agreement. I'm still going to go on off world missions. You see, Thor.."

"Thor." Both Daniel and Carter were nodding in supposed comprehension.

I was beginning to get just a little annoyed. Didn't anyone think that I was promoted on my own merits? Was everyone going to assume that it was only because Commander Thor of the Asgard had insisted?

I didn't feel like smiling anymore.

* * *

That was when I went into full General mode.

I made an announcement to the Base, letting everyone know that I was in charge. I read through the paper work in Hammond's in tray. I made sure that I was aware of everything that he had been working on before the shooting.

Then I delegated. See - I was learning this Superior Officer stuff very quickly.

I also took a call from the President. Just expressing his confidence in my ability.

And one from General Ryan. Just wanting to check that everything was going okay.

This was getting old very quickly.

Enough was enough.

There was a debriefing for SG-3 scheduled in an hour. I took the time to read the initial MALP report. Prepare.

* * *

I walked into the briefing room and surveyed the assembled faces. Ferretti was grinning from ear to ear. I gave him a quick nod and took the General's seat at the head of the table. Without looking down at the papers placed at my elbow by my aide I began.

"How was PS5-9Y, Major? Any problems other than the obvious?" I directed my gaze at Captain Mallor, sitting slightly hunched over and sporting a vivid bruise on his chin.

I spotted the slightly startled expression that had crossed Lou's face when I had so easily given the correct planet designation, but he managed to school his features before I turned back to him.

"Just the usual, Sir. Some pissed off Jaffa looking for the same thing that we were - nacquada. We managed to watch them for several hours. It looks like they have found a deposit, but we couldn't be sure. They kept arguing amongst themselves, repeating the same thing over and over again, but we couldn't tell what the problem was. Then we were spotted and had to high tail it for the gate. That was when the Captain here got hurt."

I raised my eyebrow in enquiry at the Captain. Teal'c was rubbing off on me.

"Its nothing serious, Sir. Just a cracked rib and some bruises. Doctor Fraiser said that I will only need to be on light duties for a few days."

"Glad to hear that, Captain." I was using my best Concerned Senior Officer voice.

"I thought that we could get Teal'c or Daniel to tell us what the phrase meant, General, so I wrote it down as best I could." Lou was looking extremely pleased with himself whilst searching through a grubby looking notebook.

"What was it, Major?"

He looked up from the page for a moment, before reading out a short sentence in an atrocious accent.

I repeated it in perfect Goa'uld.

The silence was deafening.

"The phrase means - There is nothing here." I shook my head. "Looks like the Jaffa have done our work for us. Just to be on the safe side, we'll wait for a week or so until we are sure that they have left and send a team to confirm their findings"

"I didn't know that you spoke Goa'uld, Sir."

I fixed Ferretti with my firmest I'm In Charge stare. I was getting quite practised at them.

"We have been fighting the Goa'uld for over six years, Major. Didn't you think that I would want to understand what they were saying?"

He looked uncomfortable and moved slightly in his chair. I knew exactly what he was thinking. How do I get out of this one?

"No, General, of course not. Its just that you've never used the language before." Good recovery, Lou. Don't admit that you thought that I was too dumb to even think of learning it.

"There really hasn't been any point. SG-1 has two other members that are fluent in Goa'uld. It's not like I would need it in day to day conversation around the Base, now is it?"

"No, Sir." Ferretti sat up straighter in his seat. His face was expressionless, but I knew that this story would be around the SGC within minutes of the end of the meeting.

And so it began.

* * *

I had never really made a conscious decision to appear dumb.

Maybe dumb is too strong a word.

To appear more stupid than I was.

It just happened.

First there was Carter and her assumption that I didn't want her on my team because she was a woman. Therefore I was a stupid sexist soldier. Then when I had said that I didn't like scientists, they all assumed that it was because I didn't understand them and was intimidated by them.

That I was just a soldier, no more, no less.

It was so much easier to go along with the assumptions. My own unique sense of humor probably hadn't helped. Coming out with a smart comment was my way of throwing everyone off. Confuse them. Make them stop and blink.

It had saved my life on more than one occasion.

Then I realised that seeming stupid served another purpose. It made people think. I would give Carter or Daniel that look and I could almost see the cogs turning in their brains as they tried to explain things in simpler terms. Then they came up with explanations or solutions.

Hey - it had worked for so long. Don't knock it.

But now I had to change.

* * *

Several weeks went by relatively uneventfully. I had taken the hard decision to allow the other members of SG-1 off world without me. Carter joined SG-4 when they discovered a new piece of alien technology.

Alien technology - I wasn't going to touch that one. Literally.

Daniel got to travel to a planet far far away with SG-3 and play in the dirt with little brushes. He was in heaven without me around to annoy him. I gave him permission to take all the time that he needed to investigate the remains of the ancient civilisation that Ferretti and his team had found.

I don't think that Ferretti appreciated it very much.

Teal'c joined various teams on their missions when they were a member short. When he was at the SGC he conducted training in Jaffa weaponry and fighting techniques.

Yes - my team was kept suitably busy.

It was a quiet time for us. Very few incidents off world. The Goa'uld were suspiciously absent from the equation. Maybe they were on their Summer Break.

I was getting bored.

* * *

The President called.

I was use to his calls by now. They usually came late in the evening, just as the Base was going on to night shift. They usually came just as I thought of leaving my office for the day.

Sometimes he just wanted to know how things were going. We got on quite well, Mr President and me. He liked my jokes.

Sometimes he actually had something to tell me.

This was one of those times.

The Chinese president wanted to meet the Commander of the SGC. He had been getting reports on our operation and was worried to hear about General Hammond. He wanted reassurance that Earth was in safe hands.

Even I wasn't sure about the answer to that one. After all - they were my hands.

And my hands could never be called safe.

We scheduled a trip to Washington to coincide with his visit to the US. Carter was coming to give a bit of a technical talk on Wormhole Technology. Teal'c was coming to wave the flag for the alien races. And probably because both presidents were curious.

Daniel wasn't invited.

Boy, was he pissed.

But really - what was the point?

He couldn't speak Chinese. It wasn't one of his twenty-three languages.

But it was one of my nine.

Know thy enemy.

Yeap - Russian, Chinese, Arabic, Goa'uld and a few more - all reflecting the conflict that I was engaged in at the time. I would tell you the others, but then I'd have to shoot you.

* * *

When I got back from impressing the Chinese I went to find Daniel. It didn't take a genius to know that he would be in his office. And, needless to say, the others were with him, Carter talking fifteen to the dozen. It sounded like her head was about to explode.

"I couldn't believe it, Daniel. At one point in my talk the Colonel interrupted and clarified something that I was saying. And the surprising thing was that," she paused and I could picture the look of incredulity on her face, "he was right."

Should I mention here that I was listening outside the open door? I'm not proud of the fact - wait - I am. Yet another one of my many hidden talents. Eavesdropping.

No one said anything for a while and I began to think that I would go in. Lucky that I didn't, because they started talking again.

"I wonder what else Jack has been hiding from us." Daniel's voice sounded a little, what's the word? Peeved? No that's not it. Sulky?

"I do not see why you are upset by the General's recent actions." Ah, Teal'c - the voice of reason. "He has always been an extremely capable warrior and now is showing himself to be an equally capable leader."

I would have to wait a little now. Just until I got the grin off my face.

"It's just unexpected, Teal'c."

Okay, it was about time that I showed myself. It wouldn't do to have a passing airman find his leader skulking outside an office obviously eavesdropping. Not good for the image.

I stepped around the door. "Hi, Guys. What's ya doing?"

I'll give Teal'c credit. He didn't jump. In fact he just raised an eyebrow as if to ask what had taken me so long to come in. The other two looked like kids caught with their hands in the candy jar.

"Major Carter was telling Daniel Jackson of our trip to Washington."

I could swear that Teal'c smiled slightly. For him it was the equivalent of a broad grin. He was enjoying himself.

So was I.

Carter blushed. Now that was something that I didn't get to see very often. Carter blushing.

Daniel looked up from his office chair. He obviously wanted to say something so I thought that I would make it easier for him.

"What's up, Daniel?" I asked him. "Cat got your tongue?" But I asked it in Russian. And it wasn't cat got your tongue exactly. It was more like "has a wolf eaten your underwear" I never said that I was fluent in Russian, I just have a wide knowledge of the finer things in the language - insults and the like.

"What other hidden talents do you have, Jack?" Daniel had that pissed look that seemed to be permanently fixed to his face lately.

"They were never hidden, Daniel. I just had no reason to use them, what with you geniuses around and all."

"I wasn't ever really fooled by the dumb act, Jack. I just don't see why you had to do it around us."

I just grinned. I admit that I probably looked like a cat that has found a bowl of cream, but I just couldn't help it.

"What other talents have you been hiding from us?" Daniel was starting to look annoyed. "Come on now. Answer the question."

"Well you knew about my degree, didn't you?" I was surprised by the look on Daniel's face. "What? You didn't? All these years working with the military and it never occurred to you that I had to have a Masters at least to get to the rank that I was." I turned to Carter. "Didn't you tell him?"

Was that a smile that threatened to break on her lips? Naughty, naughty little Major. She had been playing up the dumb Colonel act all these years. We exchanged a conspiratorial look.

"No, Sir. It never came up."

"A Masters! What in, Jack?" Daniel stood up and walked towards me, his hands gesturing wildly.

I knew that I had to tell him quickly. It was like pulling off a plaster - get it done as fast as possible and deal with the pain after.

"History, Daniel. It's in History. To be precise the Greek general Demetrius." And I watched as his mouth fell open. "You never asked, Daniel."

I have to say - it was one of my finest moments.

"I didn't know to ask, Jack!" Daniel said through gritted teeth. "Any other little surprises waiting for me, Jack?"

"Well, I do play a mean game of ice hockey."

Daniel laughed.

* * *

General Hammond was recovering slowly. The first time that he was conscious enough to see the star on my shoulder, he just gave a quiet groan and went back to sleep.

I knew just how he felt.

By the time that he was able to hold a conversation with me, I found that I'd done the impossible - got use to being a general.

The occasional off world trip had kept me from feeling that I was losing touch with what I loved - the action and the unexpected. And I found that I was actually enjoying having my finger on the pulse of the Base. I knew everything that was going on.

I didn't tell George that though.

I complained bitterly.

I even whinged.

Acting was another one of my hidden talents.

I didn't want George not to come back. I just wanted to stay a general.

It was fun.

The End


	2. The Damage Done

The Damage Done

by Flatkatsi

* * *

I was in the shower, contemplating my navel.

Okay - it was a little south of my navel, but I was feeling inordinarily pleased at the fact that I could still see down that far. Those crunches were still working.

As the water splashed around me, I thought about my life over the last few months.

Being a general still held certain charms, but there were a few down sides.

The easy camaraderie that I had had with the other personnel at the SGC had changed. Now when I walked into the mess hall there was always a sudden silence as if they were wondering why I wasn't eating in my own quarters.

I mean - I have hardly ever eaten in my quarters. Why would I change now?

And people didn't joke around me any more. I use to joke around General Hammond, but thinking on it, I realised that I was the only one that did.

And I wasn't there to joke anymore.

I was here.

I know what I mean.

Even Carter had changed. Only a bit, but enough for me to notice. She was more formal and I could see her thinking about everything before she said it, as if working out the consequences and my reactions to each sentence.

Daniel - now he was a separate case. After his initial reaction to my promotion and subsequent undumbing, he seemed very supportive. That's when I saw him. He spent most of his time off world or in his office. I was beginning to think that he was avoiding me.

Only Teal'c stayed the same. But then Teal'c had always treated me with respect, except when eating ice cream. Nothing had changed there.

It's lonely at the top.

So there I was, humming in the nice hot shower, pondering on life, the universe and the idiosyncrasies of my team mates, when .

"Thor!" Angry was an understatement. I was standing, shivering on an Asgard space ship.

Dripping.

"Thor!" There was no sign of the sneaky little grey .

"Thor!"

It isn't warm on these ships. I was going to catch my death of cold and just how embarrassing would that be to explain - dying due to alien induced nakedness?

"Hello, O'Neill."

Crap! I wish he wouldn't do that, sneak up on a guy when he was most vulnerable.

I proceeded to explain, in words of one syllable, that I needed clothes NOW. And that a towel would be nice. That's if it wasn't too much trouble.

So a towel and a set of beamed up BDU's later and I was ready to have a heart to heart with the Asgard High Commander.

"Thor buddy, you can't do this." I knelt and looked him straight in the eye.

"Do what, O'Neill?" There was that somewhat surprising air of innocence about him that I had noticed on other occasions.

"Beam me up like this. I'm in charge now, Thor. General Jack O'Neill, Supreme Commander of the SGC, Friend to Presidents and Defender of Earth. You can't just beam me up whenever you feel like it." I stood up straight and tall and looked down on him with an air of superiority. "You have to make an appointment."

Then I spoilt the effect by laughing.

I never could keep a straight face.

I did manage to convince him to let me contact the Base and forestall a wild hunt for their missing leader. I was a little disappointed when I found out that they hadn't noticed I was gone. I mean - how long do they think that I take in the shower?

Then we got down to business.

It wasn't a nice business.

Ba'al was back.

* * *

Over what passed for coffee and cake with the Asgards - some little yellow squares and a couple of pink triangles - Thor filled me in.

It wasn't really the Asgards that wanted help, it was the Tokra. And it wasn't my help that they had asked for.

It seems that Ba'al had gotten a little too big for his boots. After our misguided collaboration, he had started spreading his tentacles throughout Goa'uld held space

He was an opportunist.

Then he got close to the new Tokra base.

The Tokra were running out of planets to escape to and they had decided that enough was enough. They wanted to stop Ba'al once and for all.

They asked the Asgard for help.

And this is where it gets good.

The Asgard told them that they couldn't help directly, but that they would send an expert on Ba'al to assist them

No points for guessing who the Asgard's expert was.

General Jack, expert in Ba'al, at your service.

To say that I was stunned was an understatement.

I so did not like where this was heading.

* * *

An hour into our flight towards the Tokra planet and I was still pacing the floor. It wasn't just the thought of Ba'al that had me worried - although I have to admit that there were a few butterflies in my stomach trying to escape and fly off - it was the Base.

Jack O'Neill worried about his paper work building up.

Okay, it wasn't that.

I was worried about my people.

I had got use to them.

Everyone from the colonels to the cleaners.

They were my responsibility.

* * *

Thor and I were standing on the transporter spot, about to beam down to the Tokra base.

"So they're expecting us, Thor?" I was really just filling the silence. I didn't expect his answer.

"Not exactly, O'Neill. They are expecting me to accompany the Asgard expert."

I had a sudden feeling of apprehension.

"Thor?"

Too late.

There was that sense of disorientation and we were in what looked like a meeting room. The looks on the faces in front of me gave me the answer to my unspoken question.

The Tokra sure as hell hadn't been told who the expert was.

"Jack?" Jacob was standing a little to my left. There were about six other Tokra in the room, all with identical expressions.

"Jacob." I plastered an emotionless look on my face and stared him down.

We stood like two gunslingers waiting for the other to make the first move.

Gershaw broke the silence by tearing her gaze from the sight of me standing in her base and appealing to my companion.

"Thor, where is the expert that we were promised?"

In the same placid tone that he used whenever he spoke, Thor replied, "He is standing in front of you." He seemed to be milking the situation for all that it was worth.

I could live with that.

You could have heard a pin drop.

"Colonel O'Neill?"

Ah! Never did get around to informing them about the changes at the SGC. There hadn't really seemed to be any point.

"General O'Neill is more than qualified to answer any questions that you have about the System Lord Ba'al. He also has some suggestions for dealing with him that you may wish to consider."

Thor was right you know. I was qualified. Thanks to his little brain download doohickie that I had been hooked up to for several hours while on his ship.

There weren't many that I would trust to do that to me.

Alright - Thor was the only one.

It hadn't been quite the buzz that the Ancient's download had been, but it came a close second.

Just so long as I didn't start babbling in Asgardian.

Asgardish.

Whatever.

I didn't get super power knowledge or anything and I wasn't about to go racing off to build an anti Goa'uld weapon with a few paper clips and some duct tape, but I did know a lot more than I wanted to about the System Lords.

Can I just say - yuck!

Way too much information.

"General O'Neill?" That was good old Jacob. As quick on the uptake as usual.

I smiled that disingenuous smile that I had got so good at since George had been shot.

"Didn't you get your memo?"

It's very hard to snigger inwardly.

It tickles.

"I will leave you now, O'Neill." I could swear that my good buddy Thor was having trouble restraining his own laughter.

I wonder how Asgards laugh?

Okay - brain coming up with very bad images.

Don't go there, Jack.

I nodded solemnly, as befitted my position of Asgard Expert, then turned away as the white beam of light took Thor back to his nice safe ship.

And left me being glared at by several very annoyed Tokra.

* * *

Several exchanges of insults and a little shouting later and the Tokra were, albeit begrudgingly, resigned to the fact that I was all that they were going to get.

Only Selmak seemed to see the amusing side of the whole thing. I had always liked Selmak.

Really.

I had.

We sat down in the torture devices that pass for chairs in the let's not get too comfortable because we might enjoy ourselves Tokra base. I proceeded to tell them about Ba'al. I then told them exactly where they had gone wrong in their fight against the Goa'uld.

I was subtle.

Well - I tried.

That's my middle name, Jack Subtle O'Neill.

And you thought that my middle initial was "J". Wrong again.

They needed to stop hiding and sending one of two operatives at a time to infiltrate Ba'al's operation. They needed to be more proactive.

I ran all my ideas for fighting Ba'al up the flagpole and nobody saluted them. Except maybe, Selmak. Jacob sat there looking thoughtful. The rest of the Tokra looked like they had just sucked on lemons.

I was beginning to think that the Asgard really didn't like the Tokra. Thor had known that they wouldn't listen. It didn't matter how clever my arguments and how great my plans were - they were too set in their ways to change. I don't know why they had bothered asking the Asgard for help.

Still, can't say that I didn't try.

I was logical. I was commanding. I was clear and precise.

Hell - I was brilliant.

But it was pointless.

The decision was made. Evacuate the base yet again. Run yet again.

Same old, same old.

* * *

"Thank you for coming, General O'Neill." Talk about sucking lemons. Gershaw sounded like her mouth was full of a whole orchard. "Were you to return to Thor's vessel or did you wish to use the Stargate?"

Nice to visit with you too. Thanks for the hospitality. A beer would be nice.

I took up the offer to use the Stargate on the surface. Couldn't wait to get back to the paperwork.

So with a not so fond farewell, I was on my way, unwanted and unloved.

Jacob gave me a few distracted directions and headed back to help with the packing and I headed out.

Didn't get far though.

Ba'al's Jaffa were waiting up top.

I forgot to ask Thor to pack my P90.

Those zats really hurt.

* * *

"We meet again."

Come on now. It was bad enough waking up on a Goa'uld ship, but to wake up to very bad B grade dialogue? I expected to hear an insane laugh.

Raising my gaze, I looked for the moustache twirling baddie.

Shit!

I was in so much trouble.

And I discovered something.

Even Generals get frightened sometimes.

* * *

Ba'al had this puzzled look on his face like he knew me from somewhere and just couldn't remember where. You know, like at a party when someone comes up and starts talking as if they know you and you haven't got a clue who they are.

Babbling here.

Well, it's better than being a gibbering wreck.

I had two options. Stay quiet and hope that he didn't recognise me or remind him of our previous close association.

I knew which was the sensible option to take.

"Hi. Ball. Long time no see."

Crap!

Ba'al cocked his head slightly and looked at me more closely. Then his eyes lit up.

Literally.

"The host."

Now that just gets me mad. I told him, how many times, that I was not a "host"? What part of that didn't he get? Not A Host.

He came towards me then, as I struggled to get up off the floor. He reached me just as I got to my knees and grabbed my jaw, pulling my face towards his.

"I do not feel the presence of a Tokra. What were you doing at their base?"

What? He expected me to answer a question? He obviously hadn't learnt anything from our last encounter.

It was a struggle, but I managed to stay silent.

Inside I was screaming.

* * *

There were some forms of torture that I hadn't experienced. No many, admittedly, but a few.

Now I'm not so sure.

Ba'al may not have the fancy gravity stuff on his vessel, but he made up for it in other ways. My old friend acid figured largely in the equation. It's amazing how inventive someone can be when they have access to a sarcophagus.

I had held out the last time and I could do it again.

I kept telling myself that.

I was having a slight problem with my sight.

Did you know that your eye could melt?

It was as I was being dragged off for a little rejuvenation treatment that I heard the sound of someone entering the room.

"Stop. Wait."

Damn - now was not the time for a pause in the proceedings.

I felt the air move and realised that someone was peering into my face. The bad breath was a give away.

"What is it?" That was Ba'al. He sounded annoyed.

"I recognise this creature, My Lord."

Just my luck. And how the hell could someone recognise me? I mean - I didn't exactly look myself at the moment.

Acid can do that.

I held my breath. Well - I held my gasps.

"He is the Tau'ri leader O'Neill."

Oh peachy! A member of my fan club.

"Would you like my autograph?" Okay, it was little more than a mutter, but it was my mutter none the less. Just reminding them that I was still there.

"Is this true?"

That did take me by surprise. I hadn't heard him move. But I sure felt it when he pulled me towards him, tugging at my shirt and holding me upright by sheer force.

"Yeap." That was as much as I could manage, but I felt that I said it with a certain aplomb.

"This is unexpected. I must think upon the implications. Leave us."

Oh goody, sarcophagus here I come.

I was dropped.

On the floor.

In a heap.

Discarded.

I lay there for a few minutes until the sound of people leaving the room had stopped. Then I lay there for a few minutes more, listening to Ba'al as he laughed.

Then I crawled.

Towards him.

His laughing was beginning to really piss me off.

* * *

Oh joy!

There's that same featureless lid above my head.

One good thing about it - I could see it.

Four large Jaffa hands reached in and pulled me from what had become my home away from home. They were none too gentle, but they knew that they didn't have to be. They would be seeing me again very soon.

Ba'al was sitting in his chair, smiling that very irritating smile of his and cleaning his fingernails with his favorite knife. He watched me as I was dropped on to the floor at his feet.

It took all my will power, but I did it.

I stood up.

"Colonel O'Neill. Your company is a pleasure, as always."

Oh, he was a smug bastard. I straightened myself and gave him a grin.

"General to you, Ball."

It went right over his head.

I sighed. "General O'Neill."

"And this is meant to mean something to me?"

That put me in my place.

"No, not really. But it means something to me."

"Does it mean that you are in a better position to give me information about the Tauri plans?"

Double crap!

* * *

Sweet Mother of God - how many times can I die before I lose who I am?

Before I am no longer Jack O'Neill?

Before I become nothing but a desire and a fear.

And a need.

I had come to welcome the sarcophagus.

* * *

There is no Daniel to comfort me this time.

I can't remember why.

* * *

I don't think that Ba'al wants me to answer his questions. After a few days he stopped asking them.

I don't think that I know the answers anymore.

It has become a game.

And like any game there will be a winner and a loser.

And I think that I am losing.

Perhaps if I understood the rules?

Are there rules?

Is there any point to this?

I don't understand.

* * *

I can hear voices.

Not the voice that I've heard for so long. The one from my dreams.

From my nightmares.

Not that one.

They are speaking softly, but I can still recognise the anger.

If I stay quiet they may not know that I'm awake.

I can stay safe.

I listen.

"Can you do anything?"

"We have tried, Selmak. He has been this way since I beamed him from Ba'al's ship."

"Damn it, Thor. Why didn't you know that he was missing? Why didn't you rescue him sooner?"

"Unfortunately we assumed that O'Neill had returned to the SGC via the Stargate before Ba'al's troops landed. It was only when we realised our error that we could begin to search for him. I deeply regret the harm that has occurred to General O'Neill because of our request for his help."

"Forgive Jacob, Thor. He is upset because he knows that some of the fault lies with the Tokra. In the confusion of the base evacuation, we forgot to ensure the General's safety."

"There is fault on both sides. Now we must return O'Neill to himself before we return him to his friends."

"I pray that we can."

I listen.

If I stay quiet they may not know that I'm awake.

* * *

I don't understand.

* * *

I walk down the halls of my base and smile at the passing faces.

Yes, General Jack O'Neill is back holding the reins.

Ready to save Earth once more.

Back in command.

Back from my sojourn with the Tokra and Thor.

And Ba'al.

I'm still smiling.

On the outside.

Inside I'm remembering.

Always.

TBC


	3. Windows of the Soul

Windows of the Soul

By Flatkatsi

* * *

My dreams are filled with the sound of screams.

I recognise the voice - mine.

They are filled with cries and sobs.

Mine again.

They are just dreams. They were never the reality. I'm sure that I would remember giving up.

Giving in.

I have never given in.

Never.

They are just dreams.

* * *

The SGC was ticking over like a well-oiled clock. SG teams explored strange new worlds and boldly went where no one has gone before.

Well almost no one.

Okay - sometimes there were lots of people, but the sentiment is right.

I had my finger on the pulse. Nose to the grindstone. Pedal to the metal.

Or something.

* * *

General Hammond smiled as I walked into his kitchen. He had been home for several weeks now and he was looking good - rested.

"Morning, Jack. Coffee?" When I nodded he pulled a mug from the cupboard, poured me some and handed it to me. He hesitated and I waited, inwardly grinning, knowing what was coming next. "How's the Base?"

"Oh, you know, George - same old stuff. Nothing to write home about. Boring really."

He looked at me with those big puppy dog eyes and I took pity on him. It had become a routine - at least twice a week I visited and kept him up to date with everything that was going on, everything that was planned and everything that had happened.

Well - almost everything.

He didn't know about my little visit with Ba'al. No one knew about that except Jacob Carter and the Asgard. I had made them promise.

It wasn't something that I wanted to discuss with anyone.

Ever.

I drank my coffee and discussed politics. I was getting good at interpreting what people were really saying when they said something else. Not a skill that I had ever wanted to add to my already impressive collection, but hey - if I needed a skill I had always learnt it. This was no exception.

Of course, I had an ulterior motive for making sure that George was up to speed.

He has to come back. Take charge.

Don't get me wrong - I enjoy the challenge of being the Big Boss. But I need to be doing what I'm meant to be doing.

Kicking those slimy snake head bastards arses.

Oh yeah - I've got issues.

Big ones.

* * *

It was a very slow trip back home in Thor's ship. It had had to be. Thor had his hands full. Apparently he had me hooked up to those machines.

I wouldn't know.

I don't remember.

Jacob was worried. Thor was worried.

You see - I kept dying again.

And I still do.

Over and over. Every night. Every waking minute. All the time.

I feel like my soul is being nibbled away piece by piece and soon all that will be left is a dry husk.

Thor healed my body. Got me over the need. Brought me back time and time again.

And I try to remember.

I really try.

I lost something on Ba'al's ship and I don't know what it was. If I can't remember what I lost, how can I get it back?

* * *

The President called. He had missed our regular little chats while I was off helping the Asgard. He wanted me to visit. Come to Washington. Have dinner.

I made an excuse. I told him that I needed to go off world and negotiate a treaty with the people of PH-J49. I didn't tell him that I had volunteered for the task, shocking Daniel into silence.

I didn't want to have dinner. Not with the President. Not with anyone.

* * *

I could see that my team was worried about me They had got use to me being unavailable for our normal cosy chats in the mess hall or Carter's lab, but I knew that they could tell that I was avoiding them.

And I was.

I have no desire to chat. Laugh. Enjoy. Act as if I'm normal.

My soul has died and I'm not here anymore.

Now the husk is disintegrating into dust.

* * *

Doc Fraiser asked for an appointment today. She has wanted to give me a physical since my holiday with Thor. I've managed to stall her up until now. Now I can't avoid her.

"Doc, come on in." I smile - my practised plastic smile. "Take a seat."

She relaxed into the visitor's chair, giving a tired sigh.

"Been busy?" I knew that she had injured members of two SG teams in her infirmary, none serious, thank God. "How is Major Brownlow?"

"He's recovering well, Sir. Should be able to go home in a couple of days". She eyed me as she spoke, cataloguing in her head the signs of trouble. The tired eyes. The slump in the shoulders.

Oh yes - I knew that they were there. And they were the visible ones.

"I wanted to see how you were, General."

I wasn't surprised. I knew that she would catch me sooner or later. It had actually taken longer than I had expected.

"A little tired, Doc, but that's only to be expected. I've been pretty busy lately." I gave another smile and tried to inject some genuine enthusiasm into it.

She wasn't fooled.

"I want you to come to the infirmary, Sir. You didn't have an exam after your last off world trip, let alone the one before that." She forestalled my protests with a firm "Do I have to order you?"

"I'll come after I've finished this paperwork, Doc. Okay." I gestured to my permanently filled in-tray. That didn't work either.

"Now, General." She got up and stood with her arms folded, tapping her foot.

Trapped.

I meekly followed her to the infirmary.

She did the usual tests and gave the results a puzzled look.

"Well, Doc?"

"Apart from your blood pressure being slightly high, Sir, your results are well within normal parameters." She almost sounded disappointed.

Don't you just love those Asgard machines?

"Told you that I was just a little tired, Janet." I hopped off the exam table quickly. "Better get back to the office."

"Wait, General." She wasn't going to let me off that easily. "Is there anything that you want to talk to me about?"

Smiling my smile, I answered "Nope - everything's fine. Like I said, I'm just a bit tired. Sorry that I didn't get the exam done sooner." I waved a casual hand in her direction and moved to the door. "See ya later, Doc."

My acting ability has increased ten fold.

I can now act as if I'm normal.

As if I'm still here.

* * *

Daniel tried next.

He cornered me in the mess.

"Jack! Come and join me."

I held my loaded tray carefully, negotiating my way between the tables.

"Daniel, how's it going?"

His lips pursed. You see, I had asked him in Cantonese - a language that he was still struggling to master. I can't help myself. He's such an easy target.

"I'm fine, thank you, Jack. Fine. But I was wanting to ask you the same question."

"I'm fine too, Daniel. Thanks for asking."

I took a mouthful of my orange juice, swishing it around in my mouth. I always seemed to have a nasty taste in my mouth lately.

"Come on, Jack." He lowered his voice. "You aren't fine. I've known you too long for that."

"I appreciate your concern, Daniel, but I should know if I'm fine or not. Go ask the Doc if you aren't convinced." I took another sip of the orange juice before standing up, leaving the rest of my meal untouched.

I left him sitting there.

* * *

I could see the concerned looks. When I left my office. When the klaxons sounded and the gate opened and I crawled out of my hole. I still cared about my base. Still cared about my people.

I just didn't care about myself.

I am not here.

I'm empty.

Something has gone from me and I can't remember what it is.

It's lost.

* * *

General Hammond smiled at me as I walked into his kitchen.

"Coffee, Jack?" He asked, already pouring it into the mug. "They're worried about you, son."

I smiled back.

Keep smiling, Jack.

"I don't need to ask who, George." They had all taken turns - first the Doc, then Daniel, Carter and Teal'c. They had saved the big guns till last. "They don't need to be."

He watched my hand holding the mug. Was he expecting to see it shaking? The signs weren't that obvious, Thor had seen to that.

"I know that the stress of commanding a base like the SGC can seem overwhelming at times, Jack. Believe me, I know. Perhaps you need to take a break, get away for a bit. You've been working non stop for months now."

The tremors inched their way up my spine until I couldn't contain them. God! He thought that I couldn't cut it. That the job was too much for me.

The job that I had groomed myself for all these years.

The job that I loved.

It was the only thing that I can do well at the moment and they probably wanted to take it away from me.

I held myself firmly and sipped the hot liquid.

The cup shattered on the tiled floor.

I could see his eyes and the compassion in them almost undid me.

Almost.

"Has someone complained that I haven't been doing my job, General?" I reached over to the paper towels and knelt to clean up the mess.

I could stay hidden if he couldn't see me.

"No, Jack. I'm sorry if I gave you that impression." I could feel him looking at me. "Your friends are just concerned about you."

If I stay on the floor he can't see that I'm empty.

Then I saw him out the corner of my eye. Kneeling. He used a hand to steady himself and came down to me. He shouldn't have done that. He wasn't recovered yet. I couldn't stop myself. I looked into his eyes.

The first time that I had looked into anyone's eyes since I had got home.

I rested my back against the counter and bent my knees up to my chest.

I could hear the sharp intake of his breath.

"God, Jack. What's happened to you?"

He had found me out.

I only said one word before I shut myself down.

"Ba'al"

* * *

The knock sounded loud on the door. I could hear it from my position on the kitchen floor.

The footsteps were familiar. I had heard them crossing the infirmary floor too many times not to recognise them.

If I keep my eyes closed she might not see me.

"General?" That touch on my shoulder, as familiar as the footsteps. "Jack?"

Didn't they know that they couldn't help? I was spirally downwards towards the darkness.

And it was reflected in my eyes.

"Jack?" Her voice echoed in my head, leaving sharp corners.

* * *

I could feel the softness of a pillow under my head and the warmth of a blanket. I could hear the sound of a bird somewhere nearby.

I wasn't home. Not in the mountain.

I was lost again.

I stayed quiet.

* * *

In my dreams I could hear the screams.

It sounded like my voice, but I knew that it wasn't.

I stayed silent.

* * *

"Jack?"

I lay on my back looking up at the ceiling. The cream paint was slightly chipped in one spot. I could feel the cool breeze from an open window.

"Jack?"

The bed moved as he sat on the edge next to me.

"Come on, son. You have to talk to me. I can't stall them for much longer."

He sounded desperate.

I turned my head and looked at him.

He looked desperate too.

I could feel the tug of a needle in the back of my hand and the dullness of drugs in my body.

The darkness hadn't gone.

It had crept up and beaten me.

"He's beaten me."

"Who has, Jack? Who did this?"

I managed a small soft sound.

"Ba'al."

* * *

I could hear them talking. Quietly, as if they were scared of waking me.

So I opened my eyes.

I'm perverse even when I'm hiding.

George and Jacob. The Dynamic Duo.

I recognised the room. The spare bedroom in Hammond's house. Not a hospital. Not the Base. Hammond's house.

"Jack?" Jacob had seen me. Caught me out. "I came as soon as I could."

He must have interpreted my look as one of inquiry, because he carried on with his explanation. Arriving through the Stargate to find that I wasn't there. Being told that I had gone on leave for a few days. Asking around. Worried.

I didn't really care.

Finally George had admitted that he knew where I was. It seems that he and Janet had been hiding me.

Clever George.

"I told him, Jack. Everything. About Ba'al."

I turned and looked at him.

I knew that my eyes would explain.

They did.

He took a step back.

I knew what I had lost now.

My soul.

I was empty.

* * *

Time is passing. The air is getting cooler. The bird isn't singing.

Time is slowing down.

Each death is taking longer now. Taking its time with me.

I didn't think that there was anything left to feel.

But there is.

Now I'm screaming on the outside and the drugs aren't helping anymore.

* * *

George looked tired.

I reached out my hand to touch him and felt him start. I looked at the hand that I had rested on him and saw the bones sticking up from the skin. It was shaking.

Those Asgard machines must have worn off.

I could feel that bad taste in my mouth again.

Defeat.

"How are you feeling, son?" The same question, but how long ago was it that I had last heard it? I had to know.

"How long?"

Not much, but something.

'Ten days, Jack. It's been ten days since you collapsed in my kitchen." He must have seen the panic on my face, because he hurried on. "Don't worry. I've covered for you at the Base. Only Janet and Jacob know. Jacob has told everyone that you were asked to help the Asgard again while on leave."

I managed a weak laugh. The Asgards were the ones that got me into this position. Them and the Tokra.

It must have been rough on Hammond.

"The Base? Who?"

He knew what I meant. "I've been going in four days a week, Jack. It's been in safe hands." He gave a knowing little smile as he said it. "Jacob has stayed here with you the whole time."

That was a turn up for the books. Jacob the Tokra able to be here when he was needed. He must have really been feeling guilty.

"Jacob told me what happened, Jack." He looked straight at me, braving the sight of my eyes. "Why didn't you tell anyone, son? We could have helped."

"How, George? Exactly how could you have helped when I didn't know what was wrong myself?" My voice rose. "Tell me, George. How?" I went to sit up, but quickly gave up on that idea when I felt the waves of dizziness. My voice was hoarse, unused.

I was angry.

Angry was good.

He put his arm around my shoulder and I was undone.

I told him everything.

* * *

I sat back against the pillows, glaring at the Doc.

"It's no good looking at me like that, Sir. I'm not going to take out the IV yet." She walked around to the other side of the bed to take my pulse. "If you can manage to keep down your lunch today, I'll take it out tomorrow."

I grunted.

I do a good line in grunt.

"I take it that that means you are pleased and that you want to thank me for my patience."

Doc does a good line in sarcasm.

Things seemed to be getting back to normal between us. It had been a bit touch and go at first. She had been very annoyed that I hadn't told anyone what had happened.

She had been irked.

But between the Doc and the General they had saved my career.

I couldn't really be annoyed with her for long.

My dreams will never go away, but I can accept them.

I can remember without hiding away.

* * *

I walk down the corridors of the SGC and smile at everyone that greets me. They seem pleased that I am back. General Hammond has returned to his office. We share some of his workload.

I am ready to return to active duty with my team.

Carter, Daniel and Teal'c seem overjoyed that everything is back to normal.

At least I think that Teal'c is overjoyed.

Everything is sunny and the world still turns.

Except I don't look into anyone's eyes any more.

I can't stand the reaction.

You see, they know that my soul is gone and I remain empty.


	4. The Invisible Worm

The Invisible Worm

By Flatkatsi

* * *

It was good to see General Hammond back in his familiar position in the control room as my team and I entered the Stargate. I knew that we were leaving the Base in good hands.

Yes - it was back to normal for General Jack and his team of Goa'uld kickers.

Back to the routine.

I got to go on off world missions and my paperwork was only the size of a small hill instead of the large mountain that it had been before Hammond's return to duty. My new position as mission coordinator of the SGC let me do what I was best at - look after my people. I was even beginning to enjoy the interminable meetings in Washington, the strategic planning and the mission objectives. With all of that, plus my duties as 2IC, I had my hands full.

Sure I'd had a few set backs over the past few months - courtesy of Ba'al, but that was over. I was back and back with a vengeance.

Nothing was going to stop me this time.

"Oh for cryin' out loud!"

Carter sniggered. She sniggered. At me - her CO. The General.

I picked myself up and glared accusingly at the large piece of marble under my foot.

Yes things were definitely back to normal.

"Something amusing you, Major?"

"No, Sir". She did an admirable job of looking contrite. I wasn't fooled.

"Are you alright, O'Neill?" At least Teal'c seemed genuinely concerned. Or at least he wasn't laughing.

"I'm fine thanks, T. Nice of you to ask."

My pointed remark went right over the head of Daniel. He was staring up into the sky with a distracted look on his face.

"Wow, guys - will you look at that!"

I must admit that it was a spectacular sight. The three moons seemed almost close enough to touch. They gave the whole scene an eerie multicolored glow. It all looked very alien.

Which, of course, it was.

I tried for the nonchalant tone.

"Okay. Let's stop gawping at the sky and get set up." I'm not sure if I succeeded, even I felt a little awed and that wasn't a feeling that I had experienced much lately.

We had come to PY78-B12 for the very purpose of staring up at the moons, but we were going to do it using sophisticated astronomical equipment, not the naked eye, and the instruments had to be got ready to give us plenty of observation time before dawn. For some reason, the scientists back on Earth had decided that this was one exciting night sky and wanted us to record it in its entirety.

We were scheduled to spend three days on the planet, so we all got to work setting up the camp.

I had just lit the fire when I heard muttered grumbling coming from the direction of the main telescope.

"What's up, Major?" I sauntered over to find Carter fiddling with the settings.

"I can't get this aligned properly, Sir. I think that it may have been damaged when we came through the wormhole."

I bent forward. "Let me have a look. You take a break. I've just made coffee"

After a few minutes I called her back from the fire.

"Try that."

Putting her mug down, Carter bent to check out the various adjustments that I had made. She turned back towards me, obviously trying to keep the surprise from her voice.

"Perfect, Sir. How did you do it?"

I looked away from her, towards the distant trees. "You thought that I just had that telescope up on my roof for staring at the neighbours, Carter?"

"No, Sir. Not at all." I could hear the smile in her voice. "But it takes more than a casual interest in the stars to understand the settings on this equipment."

I kept my eyes resolutely focused on the distance. Time to drop another one of those little gems of information. "Yeah - well, it helps to have a doctorate in astronomy."

"You have a doctorate in astronomy! Why didn't you say anything?"

I enjoyed keeping Carter off balance. It didn't hurt her to have to take a slightly different look at things.

I turned back towards her slightly, so that she could see my smile. "So you stopped looking when you found the Masters, eh Carter? I took astronomy because it seemed like a good idea at the time. I wasn't sure where my career was heading and I thought that it could come in handy. Seems that I was right. Why do you think that I assigned this mission to SG-1?"

With that, I went and poured myself a coffee and settled down for a night of moon gazing.

* * *

There's nothing like the sound of birds to wake you up in the morning. And this was nothing like. This was the sound of.? Well, I wasn't sure, but it sure as hell wasn't birds. Pigs? Large flying buffalo? Aerial oxen? Oh well - whatever it was, it certainly woke us up and got us out of our tents.

Daniel had taken last watch, but he seemed as startled as we had been by the noise. We turned in every direction as the sound faded away into the distance, but could see nothing.

Whatever the creatures had been, they served to remind us that we shouldn't take anything for granted. We were on an alien planet thousands of light years from home and we would always do well to remember that.

The day passed slowly. I entered the calculations from the equipment into the computer, taking perverse delight in seeing Daniel doing the normal perimeter watches that I normally undertook. Carter and I worked silently for most part, concentrating on the complicated permutations.

It was late afternoon that Teal'c returned to camp from scouting out the surrounding area.

"I have found a small village several kilometres to the west of us, O'Neill. There appear to be approximately one hundred and fifty residents,"

I could see the look of eager anticipation on Daniel's face.

Here we go again.

Without much persuasion, I agreed to allow some time to observe the villagers tomorrow. I contacted Hammond and told him of our change of plans and we settled down for another night of observations.

* * *

My dreams were never pleasant, but the ones that I just woke up from would beat the others in a nightmare contest hands down.

I could remember most of them.

The pain that overwhelmed every sense.

The total despair.

The loss.

The emptiness.

And the darkness.

Feelings that I have lived with now for months.

Struggling every second to act as normal.

Now it is only in my dreams that I let the feelings win.

* * *

So here we were, once again attempting to extend the hand of friendship to a new race.

We walked into the village to the usual sounds of excited calls and children hurrying to get their parents. I let Daniel take the lead and took a position at the rear of our little troop, watching every movement. I knew that Teal'c would be guarding our back and that Carter would be searching for signs of technology - anything that could help us in our battle against the Goa'uld.

The villagers were the average run of the mill alien planet types, nothing too exceptional in appearance. They looked reasonably happy and healthy at first glance, their clothes indicating that they had reached about the medieval level of culture.

Daniel stepped forward and did his usual "Take me to your leader" speech. Okay - it was the "Hi, we're peaceful travellers" one, but same difference, and sure enough, out of the crowd popped the standard group of elders with their leader in the middle.

Don't get the idea that I'm a bit jaded here.

Really.

Every new planet is a new exciting experience for me.

Alright - maybe just a little jaded.

I stood silently, waiting for the Goa'uld to jump out from the shadows or the fanatics to pick up their pitch forks.

Nada.

Perhaps this time we might actually get to just talk, have a meal and make friends.

* * *

The evening seems to be going well for my team. We're sitting around a large table, surrounded by laughing happy people.

Or at least, my team is.

There are empty seats on either side of me and no one appears willing to fill them. Each time that I turn to speak to one of the elders, they begin an animated conversation with someone else.

I would say that they wouldn't even meet my eyes, but I can't because I haven't tried that yet.

I don't really try that with anyone anymore.

So I'm sitting here watching the others, sort of divorced from the proceedings.

I notice other things too.

That all the children had been taken from the room when I arrived.

That whenever I catch a glimpse of a villager out of the corner of my eye they are staring at me.

That.

"Hey, Daniel." I bent across the table and nudged the elbow of my expert in arcane symbolism.

He turned away from the men next to him with a brief apology.

"Yes, Jack?"

"What's this mean?" I held my fingers in the convoluted manner that I had noticed

He gave me a weird look. "Why, Jack?"

"Because every time I look at one of these people, they're doing that."

"It looks like a variation of an ancient warding sign. For warding off evil." He looked a bit spooked and took a quick look around the room. "I'm sure that you're wrong, Jack. I can't see anyone doing anything like that. You're probably imaging it."

I gave him a smile and a nod of reassurance and he turned back to his conversation.

Yeah sure, Daniel. I'm imagining it. And those big flying buffalo just came through the window.

Warding off evil.

Sounds about right.

I made my excuses and went to sit outside.

Watch the pretty moons.

* * *

Now this is so not right.

Just for once I would like to visit a planet and not get whomped. Is it too much to ask? Just once?

Where the hell am I now?

Not sitting outside looking at the night sky, that's for sure.

Nope - I'd say inside, lying in the dark with a thunderously huge headache.

Way to go, General - you did this to yourself. Got all black funk and let your guard down. Went into one of those sudden empty spaces that jump out at you from where they are hiding. Got distracted.

Not good.

I can hear a soft scrapping sound. A small patch of almost light appears near the floor and I barely have time to sit up before it is gone again.

There is someone in the room with me.

I can hear them breathing.

Hands grab me and hold me tight, yanking my arms painfully behind me.

I stand, helpless, as a candle is lit in the corner. The sudden light makes my eyes water and I quickly look away.

"What the hell is going on here?"

"Do not speak." The voice that answered me was familiar and with an effort of concentration, I remember. It's that skinny guy that always stood at the leader's left shoulder.

"What do..." I didn't get far with my next question. Skinny Guy punched me hard in the stomach and I needed all my breath to - well, breathe.

His unseen helpers pulled me roughly across the room and flung me down onto a hard surface. Straps are wrapped around me and I find that I can't move even an inch. Except for my head.

I lift my head and glare straight into Skinny Guy's eyes. Then with a voice that would have got me a job in any horror movie, I intone, "Release me."

General Jack's number one rule - If you got a talent, use it.

Didn't work.

All it got me this time were gasps from the men around me and a solid whack across the head with a club.

Crap.

* * *

Waking up to find that you are tied to a table is not a good thing at all.

I can't have been out for long, because Skinny Guy is sitting patiently next to me.

"Do not look at me again."

"Okay, sure. Not looking"

The pain of the club pounding into my stomach was almost as bad as it had been on my head.

"Don't speak. I will explain why you are here."

Oh goody. But I think that I have a pretty good idea. Those fancy finger movements weren't just the local way of waving hello.

Right again, Jack.

They had just hidden the pitchforks.

"When you entered our village, I looked into your eyes and saw the darkness. Your companions are good people, They have clear, bright hearts. You walk amongst them unsuspecting. I will not allow you to endanger them or anyone else. I will release the bad humours from your body and take away the darkness. You will be cleansed."

"Oh for cryin.."

Okay - I got the idea. Don't speak.

But if I can't speak how can I tell them just how wrong they are.

I wouldn't harm my friends.

There is nothing bad inside me.

That problem is that there is nothing inside.

I need to be filled, not emptied.

And exactly what did he mean by releasing the humours?

This does not sound good.

Skinny Guy has taken a short blade from his tunic and is now standing over me. One of his men releases the strap binding my left wrist and pulls my arm to rest over the edge of the table.

I can only watch as the blade rips into the vein on the inside of my elbow.

I can only watch as the blood flows out.

It runs steadily down and I can hear the soft drips as they are collected in some sort of container under the table.

Maybe this is right.

Maybe it had to happen.

I can feel my life flowing out.

* * *

"Jack? Come on, Jack. You've got to wake up."

I can hear Daniel's voice calling me in the distance, but I'm much too tired to answer.

* * *

I can feel myself being dragged along, my arms looped over the shoulders of a person on each side of me. With an effort, I open my eyes, only to see nothing but the brown dirt under my dangling feet.

I need to lift my head.

I'm much too tired.

* * *

"Sir, wake up."

I'm not moving any more. The air feels cool and I shiver. Warmth is wrapped around me, but it isn't enough. I can feel myself getting colder by the minute.

* * *

Someone is shaking me. I am so tired. They keep shaking and I open my eyes to see what the matter is. Why won't they let me go back to sleep? Their faces are above me - Carter, Teal'c, Daniel - hovering over me.

"Jack?"

I don't know what Daniel wants.

"What?" The effort of that one small word exhausts me and I start to fall asleep again, ignoring them.

* * *

I dream of machines of torture filling my head with sounds and lights and pain and hurt and crying and screams and emptiness and darkness and oblivion.

* * *

The next time that I wake, I'm in the infirmary.

Now I really am tired - of this repetitive cycle of hurt.

Stop the world - I want to get off.

Trouble is that I get off the world all the time and that's what seems to be the problem.

The Doc is here now, doing her Doc like stuff, but this time a little more gently than usual.

"Hi, Sir. How are you feeling?"

Like an elephant just sat on my head, Doc. I think that the word that springs to mind is smushed.

Yeap - smushed.

"A bit tired, Doc."

"That's to be expected, General." She was smiling. My answer had made her happy. Strange woman. "You lost a lot of blood. Do you remember what happened?"

I nod. Oh yeah, I remember.

Every last moment, until I drifted away into my dreams.

Somehow, my team has materialized at my bedside. I have decided that they must now have Nirti's stealth technology.

The puzzled look on my face must have given me away.

'You fell asleep, Sir. It's been a few hours."

I manage a nod.

Daniel presses a hand to my arm and gives me a shaky smile.

"You had us really worried there, Jack."

I can see that by their faces.

"How did I get home?" I need to know, but I think that I may have to go back to sleep soon.

Carter launched into the explanation. When they had noticed that I was gone, they had asked the elders if they had seen me leave. Everyone had denied knowing anything about my disappearance, so they had gone searching. They had even gone back to our campsite by the gate.

By morning they were seriously worried.

Teal'c had returned to the village and "persuaded" one of the elders to talk. That's how they found out about my alter ego "Spawn of Satan"

Daniel took up the story.

It seems that we had stumbled upon a society still practising medieval medicine. All ills could be traced to the imbalance of the four humours in the body. By bleeding me they had genuinely thought that they would release the evil that they saw in me and save my soul.

I can tell you right now that it hadn't worked.

By the time that my team found me I had almost bled out. Skinny Guy had been waiting for my blood to run black to show that the badness had been removed. Unfortunately for me, that hadn't happened.

It seems that it had been touch and go for a while there, until they got me back into the hands of Janet.

I don't think that I will be visiting that planet again in a hurry. I was probably lucky that they hadn't had a stake handy to burn me at.

* * *

General Hammond came to see me soon after I woke. Talk about a guilt trip. The look on his face was enough to start me apologising profusely.

I've caused the poor man enough worries over the last few months to last a lifetime. Or in my case, several.

I don't think that he's going to let me off world again in a hurry.

Double crap.

* * *

The machines dig and eat.

They devour.

* * *

I woke up with the world's most excruciating headache. It must have been the middle of the night, because the lights were dimmed and there was no activity in the surrounding ward.

I lay, grasping at the last wisps of the memory of a dream.

There was something that I needed to remember.

It was within reach.

I sat up and groped for the robe at the foot of the bed. With very little fumbling, I put it on and began my slow walk out of the infirmary.

Generals do not fall down in their own corridors.

Generals are strong and brave.

Generals know what they want and go get it.

Yeah - right.

With the help of the corridors walls, I reached my goal.

My knock was asked by a surprised "Come"

George stared at me in amazement as I entered his office.

"Jack, what in God's name are you doing out of the infirmary?" He hurried around the desk and grabbed my arm. "Sit down before you fall down."

I have to admit that the chair felt mighty good. I shut my eyes for a moment and took a shaky breath.

"I've remembered something, Sir. About Ba'al."

He stayed perched on his desk beside me. "What, Son? What have you remembered?"

"Maybe it was the crack on the head that I got on that planet. Maybe I just needed time to remember. I knew that there was something that I was missing, George." I looked up and into his eyes. "I've been missing something since I came home. Something important. And I thought that I knew what it was." I paused before continuing. I could see the extra lines around his mouth and wondered how many of them I'd been responsible for.

"I thought that I'd lost my soul, George. That Ba'al had taken it from me."

I heard the sudden intake of breath, but I held his gaze - unflinching.

"I was wrong. I remember now. Ba'al had a machine that he hooked me up to. I think that it was some sort of experimental thing. He hooked me up to it and I could feel it suck at my mind. Perhaps it was meant to record my memories or something, but it never seemed to work properly." I shut my eyes for a moment in an effort to dredge up the elusive memories. "Something happened. It did something. I could feel it pulling at me, like water going down the drain. It's all jumbled up in my mind and I'm not sure what's real anymore and what I'm just dreaming."

"Take your time. Son." I jumped slightly. I had almost forgotten that he was there.

"After a few hours, Ba'al gave up on the machine and went back to his normal techniques. I remember being in agony, as if my head was going to break into tiny pieces." I snapped my eyes open again. "But I remember now. The machine did take something from me. I could feel it going. I could feel myself emptying. It didn't take my memories, George. It took my essence, the things that make me who I am. I can remember what has happened to me before Ba'al's ship, but I can't feel it. I have the memories of the experience but no emotions. I can't even remember what I felt when my own son died. Ba'al took it all from me."

I got to my shaky feet.

"And I want it back."

* * *


	5. Catching the Darkness

Catching the Darkness

by Flatkatsi

* * *

It is much easier to make a declaration of intent than it is to carry it out.

After I made my emphatic statement of war against Ba'al, I promptly collapsed and was rushed back to the infirmary by a very worried General Hammond.

I would like to say that I leapt out of my sick bed and raced off to extract vengeance.

I didn't. I slept for most of the next day and woke feeling like death warmed up.

Then I lay there.

Reality reared its ugly head and bit me.

Just how exactly did I plan to get back what I had lost?

And could I?

What made me think that the machine could restore what it had taken?

Because the alternative was unacceptable.

* * *

I could see that the Doc was worried about me. She didn't need to be. I was just thinking. Planning.

I knew that I needed as much help as I could get. Usually I was too proud to ask for help, but this was different. This wasn't just the usual life and death situation. This was about getting back who I was.

I called the Doc over from where she was trying to stay inconspicuous while still keeping a watchful eye on me in case I escaped again.

"Could you ask Carter, Daniel and Teal'c to come see me, Janet? I think that I need to let them into our little secret."

She didn't say anything - just gave me a quizzical look and nodded. I watched as she left the room, her shoes making their familiar clicks on the hard floor.

It wasn't long before I heard the sound of them returning.

"They're on their way, Sir. Would you like me to leave?"

I shook my head. "Thanks, Doc. Stay, please. You may be able to help."

Teal'c came in first and took up a position at the foot of my bed. He was closely followed by Daniel and Carter, each looking a trifle concerned. I gestured to them to take the visitors chairs next to me.

"Hi, Guys." I stopped. This wasn't going to be easy. "Thanks for coming."

Teal'c raised an eyebrow at that. I must admit that they weren't my best opening lines.

"What's up, Jack?" Daniel bent forward a little in his seat.

"I've got a confession to make." I saw Carter and Daniel exchange puzzled glances. I wonder what they thought that I was going to say. I'm sure that they didn't expect what they got.

"When I was on vacation I wasn't really. I was with Thor."

Carter jumped in. "We know that, Sir. Remember, you called from his ship and told us." Did she think that I was senile? Of course I remembered!

"No, Carter. I was with Thor before I was on vacation. When you thought that I was with Thor I was with Ba'al."

Okay - that didn't exactly come out the way that I had planned it. So much for the undumbing of Jack O'Neill.

Their shocked faces spoke volumes. Poor old General Jack has finally lost it. The cogs have come loose and the wheel is off and flying down the road at full speed.

I took a deep breath and started again.

"When I was on the Tokra base, Ba'al captured me again."

This time I must have been clearer, because I saw the dawning comprehension on my friend's faces.

I hurried on "Thor rescued me. I wasn't on Ba'al's ship long."

"How long is long, O'Neill?" There was Teal'c with the awkward questions.

"Just a few days, Guys, but look - I'm here and that's the important bit." I was trying for upbeat, but I don't think that I was pulling it off.

"I don't get it, Sir. You went with Thor to help the Tokra."

"And was captured by Ba'al." I nodded.

"Then Thor rescued you.."

"Yeap - that's right, Carter. Now the reason ."

She wasn't going to let me get away with it. I could see her adding two and two and getting five.

"But then you came back to Earth and it wasn't long before you went on another "vacation"." I could hear the scepticism in her voice. "And we were told that you were with Thor again. What happened then, Sir, Anubis get you?"

Ooh - cutting sarcasm! But I could see her point.

"That would be no, Carter, as I think that you guessed." I might as well get it all out into the open. They would probably find out anyway. "I sort of lost it for a while, after I visited with Ba'al. I thought that I was okay, but I wasn't. I went away and did a bit of recovering."

I saw the dawning comprehension on the faces around me. Recovering - such a nice coverall word for so many things.

"General Hammond helped, with the Doc here and your father, Carter. They got me through it. I'm okay now." Doc nodded slightly. "Well, sort of."

"Sort of? Jack? What do you mean by sort of?" Daniel was always good at seeing the trees in the wood. Things were obviously falling into place, because he answered his own question. "That's why they bled you, isn't it Jack? They were talking about you being filled with evil. I couldn't understand it at the time, but now I do. Ba'al did something, didn't he, Jack?"

So I finally was able to explain about the machine.

Carter looked horrified. The Doc's reaction was immediate.

"I want you to have a CAT scan right away, General. We'll do an MRI as well. You should have told me sooner. Who knows what that machine did to you."

I shrugged. "I didn't know myself, Doc. I just remembered." I looked up into the appalled faces of my team. "Okay, while Doc does these tests I want you to get working. We need all the information that we can get about Ba'al. Where he is. Where his ship is and if possible, where that machine is. Carter, I want you to see if you can find out anything about the technology involved. I don't know if its even possible, but I intend to get back what I've lost."

* * *

The test results were interesting. There was this large unexplained white patch in my brain. Doc went into overdrive. She wanted to schedule me for an exploratory operation immediately. I refused. I knew the cause and I didn't think that there was anything on Earth that could cure me.

I needed Ba'al.

There was a phrase that I never thought that I would hear myself say.

I needed Ba'al.

There had been no recriminations. No "why didn't you tell us". We got down to the planning without any fuss.

My team knew that this was too important to waste time arguing.

When I was finally out of the infirmary, George and I sat down and mapped out exactly what we needed to do. There had been no discussion about whether to try this or not. He knew that it had to be done.

He only needed to look into my eyes.

* * *

I was resting in my quarters when Daniel came to me.

He looked as tired as I felt.

We had been going around in circles for days now. Elusive little clues to the machine had shown up in some early manuscripts, but nothing that gave any concrete information. The most that we had been able to conclude was the Ba'al had adapted some Ancient technology - not successfully it seems. Jacob Carter had brought any reports that the Tokra had on Ba'al for us to look over. I could almost feel the guilt radiating from him as he stood in the briefing room. Selmak had remained very quiet, only offering the odd clarification of what we were reading. Jacob had left with a promise that the Tokra would give any help that they could whenever it was needed.

Too little, too late.

All this activity was keeping me going. Stopping me from dwelling on what Ba'al had done to me.

Keeping me sane.

God help me if it didn't work.

Don't go there, Jack.

Stay focused.

That was the problem. Whenever I took a break and tried to rest or sleep, I couldn't help trying to remember.

I must have relived Charlie's death a thousand times, straining to feel what I felt at the time and for so long afterwards. What I still should feel.

I never thought that I would want to remember such pain.

Until I couldn't.

And I realised that it was part of what made me who I was. All the bad moments had to be there to combine with the good and make me - me.

I had lost myself.

"Jack?" Daniel's soft call broke me out of my thoughts. Probably a good thing. They had been getting a little morbid there.

A little morbid! That's an understatement. Why didn't I try to remember the good moments? Why go over Charlie's death so many times? I sat up with a groan of frustration.

"Come in Daniel."

He didn't look much better than I did. At least, than I thought that I did. I hadn't exactly been looking in any mirrors lately.

Hadn't for months now.

He reached over and turned on the light. Didn't make anything look better, just brighter.

"Jack, Sam, Teal'c and I have decided to take a break. We thought that we would go somewhere off base for dinner. Try to unwind a little. Get ready and we'll met you up top in half an hour."

I noticed that there was no asking involved here. I had been ordered to go to dinner. I couldn't fault them for their good intentions. And they were right.

"Alright. I'll get changed and be there." I didn't miss the surprise when I agreed so easily.

"Umm, okay Jack. See you then." That's what I like to see. A Daniel at a loss for words.

As I was putting on my jeans, I realised that this would be the first time that I had been out for dinner for weeks. Even before our disastrous trip to Planet Vampire I had been too busy to do more than drop home to mow the lawn. It would be a nice change to have something other than mess hall food for once.

Things were looking up. I was actually looking forward to something.

The place was crowded and noisy. At least we could talk without being overheard. I had driven Teal'c over in my truck and we found Daniel and Carter already there. They had managed to get a booth at the back of the room.

I slid next to Carter and picked up the menu. I don't know why I bother really. I only ever order one thing when I'm out - steak.

The food wasn't exceptional, but there was lots of it. After a couple of beers, I found myself relaxing for the first time in ages. We talked about anything and everything. It almost seemed like a normal night out. I drank a couple more beers and relaxed some more.

It got noisier.

I couldn't hear what Teal'c was saying. Carter and Daniel were smiling and nodding as if they agreed with everything that he said and I just went along. I smiled and nodded and didn't talk.

It was relaxing not to have to talk.

"Sir!"

I looked up from my glass and into the concerned face of Carter.

"Yeah, what?"

"I asked if you were okay, Sir. You haven't said anything for a while."

I smiled back at her. "I'm okay, Carter. Just enjoying myself not having to think of anything for a change." I couldn't stifle the yawn. "Sorry. Must be more tired than I thought." Once started, the yawns just kept on coming. "Look, Kids, I think that I'm going to go home. Try to get some sleep in my own bed for a change." I raised my hand to stop their protests. "You stay and enjoy yourselves. I'll see you in the morning." As I got up, I remembered. "Could you give Teal'c a lift back to base, Carter?"

"Sure, Sir. Have a good night." Teal'c gave me a farewell nod. Daniel got up at the same time that I did and walked with me to the exit.

"Are you sure that you're okay, Jack? You seemed to zone out for a while back there."

"I'm fine, Daniel. Don't fuss." I keep on going. "See, ya."

I drove for a few miles before the darkness hit.

* * *

"Oh man!" I clutched my head and groaned. I felt like shit. The inside of my mouth was a dry as the Abydos desert.

"Sleeping Beauty awakes."

The sound of a deep voice got through the drums in my head and I raised myself up on my elbows to take a look around.

I groaned loudly and let myself fall back onto the bench to the accompaniment of laughter.

I was in jail.

I was also in deep shit.

I'm a general for Christ's sake! Generals don't get arrested.

Crap. Crap. Crap.

* * *

This would have to have been one of the most embarrassing days of my life.

The cops had thought that all their Christmases had come at once when they had found my ID. Apparently they had followed me as I drove erratically home and nabbed me in my own street. So all my neighbours had seen the unedifying sight of General Jack O'Neill, United States Air Force being breathalysed and dragged off to the local lockup. When they threw me into the cell, I had gone straight to sleep, so they left me there to sleep it off.

I didn't remember a thing.

George came to get me.

I only had four beers. I kept telling him that.

Four.

He hadn't said a word. Just beckoned to me and looked disapproving. He looked even more disapproving when I could barely stop my hand from shaking enough to sign the release forms.

The disapproving look didn't get any better when I threw up in the police car park.

I hadn't had a hangover this bad in years. George practically threw me into the car. His driver was careful to keep his eyes front and center, but I could see the little sideways glances when Hammond wasn't looking. George didn't speak all the way back to base.

They really need to do something about the potholes in the road up the mountain. Every tiny bump sent daggers into my skull. After my fifth moan, I noticed that George was smiling.

Four. I had four beers.

"My office, Jack. Now!"

At least he was speaking to me.

I'm not sure if that's a good thing.

* * *

I would like to state officially that it is not my fault!

I only had four beers.

I told Doctor Fraiser that. I thought - get her on my side. She'd understand.

No.

She proceeded to yell at me.

Tell me how stupid I'd been after being so weak from all that blood loss and lack of sleep. Apparently, I hadn't been as recovered as I had thought.

I got no sympathy whatsoever.

George was really pissed. If he hadn't known the Police Chief and managed to explain to him some of the circumstances, the shit would have really hit the fan.

He has confined me to base. Me! It's not like I've ever done something like this before.

Well - not often.

So now I'm slinking around the corridors trying to avoid the Marines.

My life sucks big time.

* * *

Carter found some new information. She had been sifting through the material that Daniel had come up with and found a reference to the machine. The text had led my two geniuses to some diagrams and the excitement was palatable.

It looks like there may be an answer after all.

We just have to get to the machine, connect me up and download my brain back into my head.

Easy.

* * *

Jacob Carter came through again. Ba'al has crawled back into his hole, leaving the machine on his ship. We're heading for it.

Daniel, Carter, Teal'c and I.

Heading for Ba'al's ship. Jacob is going to get us there and wait.

Yeap.

No problems.

Sure.

I've tried to sleep, but I just keep reliving every dirty, nasty, awful moment in my life in glorious Technicolor but without the background music track. You know, the da da da da one that tells you to get ready for an adrenalin rush.

So now I'm just sitting here.

In the dark, as usual.

* * *

We ringed up to the ship. Prepared for anything except what we found.

No one. No guards. No one.

"This is strange." I led the way off the platform and out into the corridor. We were relying on my memories of my time as Ba'al's captive to guide us. Not the best guide to be sure, but the only one that we had.

We stayed alert all the way through the empty corridors, towards the chamber that the machine was housed in. We were almost there when our luck ran out.

The Jaffa rounded the corner, zats at the ready. I can't say that we were taken by surprise, we had been on alert since the moment that we stepped on to the ship, but it was unexpected.

Teal'c yelled a warning and we all scrambled for whatever cover there was, firing as we did so. I winged one as I rolled before coming to rest against the wall. Carter and Teal'c managed to find a small alcove opposite me. Daniel wasn't so lucky. He took down one of the guards. Then I heard the yelp as he fell.

"Cover me." I saw Teal'c give a nod and leapt from my position like a sprinter starting a race. Grabbing Daniel as I went by, I squeezed us both as much as possible into the same small space already occupied by the other half of my team.

I could see the door that had been our objective standing open tantalizingly just in front of us down the end of the corridor. I signalled my intentions to Carter and Teal'c and ran frantically towards it, ducking and weaving as I went. They laid down covering fire, eliminating two more of the enemy in the process. Coming to a screeching halt, I spun on my heels, raised my P90 and raked the Jaffa with bullets. They went down like ninepins.

Teal'c had lifted Daniel across his shoulders and begun the run for the door before the enemy could even react. Carter followed hard on his heels, covering his back as he ran. The Jaffa found themselves between a deadly hail of bullets. They dived for cover as Carter and Teal'c slid into the room beside me.

Our luck had held again.

I lowered my weapon and slammed my hand on the keypad, shutting us in and the Jaffa out.

We all sat for a few seconds gasping for air and letting the adrenalin drain out of us.

"Carter, check out the machine. Teal'c watch the door. I'll look after Daniel." I crouched down next to my friend.

Damn - it looked painful. He had a bleeding gash across his forehead from where he had fallen against the corner of the corridor. Combined with the effects of the zat, he would have one hell of a headache when he woke up. I quickly wrapped a bandage around the wound and pulled him closer to the large machine in the middle of the room.

"Carter?" I hoped that she couldn't hear the note of apprehension in my voice.

"It looks like Ba'al hasn't changed the basic controls, Sir. They seem to be the same as the ones in the diagrams that we found." She gave me a reassuring smile. I knew that I hadn't fooled her.

"O'Neill" Teal'c had his head near the door. "I can hear something being moved in the corridor outside."

I moved nearer the door and listened. He was right. There was the sound of a large object being dragged along the metal floor. I looked up at him questioningly.

"I do not know what it is, O'Neill. Perhaps some sort of weapon."

I nodded in agreement. "There's not much that we can do about it. Be ready to fall back behind the machine if you need to." With a pat on his shoulder, I left him to check on Daniel.

He was moaning his way back to consciousness.

"Daniel - stay down. You've got a pretty good cut on your head."

He opened his eyes and looked up at me. "Jack? What's happening?"

"We're in the room with the machine and there's a corridor filled with Jaffa trying to get in. Carter's figuring out the machine now."

"Okay - same old SG-1 adventure then?"

That's my Daniel - even a knock on the head can't get rid of his sense of humor. I grinned at him. "Yeap - same boring old adventures. You stay here and I'll go see how Carter's doing"

She must have heard me, because she called over her shoulder. "I think that I've pretty well worked it out, General. I think that I know how to reverse the process."

As I got nearer I could see her fiddling with the dials on one side of the large machine, changing their settings. I shuddered when I saw the hard slab in the middle of the equipment, my memories of my time here rushing back.

"You think, Carter?"

"We can only give it a try, Sir. I don't think that I 'm going to be able to work out more than I already have." She pointed towards the wires dangling over the slab. "You'll need to lie on here and have these attached to your head. The actual process should be fairly fast."

"It didn't seem fast when Ba'al was trying to suck my memories out." I couldn't help it. The thought of being hooked up to that machine again was making me start to shake.

There was no alternative. I had to do it.

"Okay, Carter." I pulled out my radio. "Jacob, this is O'Neill."

"Jack. What's your situation?" Jacob's calm voice echoed through the instrument.

"We're about to try the machine. Daniel's taken a knock to the head and we're trapped in the room. We may need some backup to get out of here. We should be ready to go into about." I glanced at Carter and she held up three fingers. "In about thirty minutes."

"I'll see what I can do. Contact me when you're ready to move. Carter out"

Well - everything was taken care of. Teal'c was watching our backs, Jacob was organising our rescue and Daniel was recovering. No more reason to procrastinate.

Get it over with O'Neill.

"Let's get this done."

I jumped up onto the cold slab, feeling like I was lying in a mortuary. Carter fumbled around for a bit, getting all the wires attached to the right places. I could hear my heart pounding, my tension growing.

"Ready, Sir?"

"No, but do it anyway."

She must have hit the switch because the pain was immediate.

I couldn't help myself.

I screamed.

The wires were digging into my head. Deeper by the second.

Through the agony I could hear Carter's voice.

"OhGodOhGodOhGod"

Over and over.

I felt my body shaking as waves of pain hit me again and again.

"Should I turn it off?" Carter was asking a question. I knew the right answer.

"No. Finish it."

And then I screamed again.

It seemed to go on for ever.

Then it was over.

"Sir?" I saw Carter's face looking down at me. There were tears in the corners of her eyes, ready to fall. "It's finished. I'll take off the wires." I felt her gently removing them, each one feeling like a long pin being pulled from my head. I could feel the trickles of blood from the holes that they left.

I lay there. Panting hard.

I knew that I had to get up. We had to get out of here.

Now that the machine had stopped I could hear a loud buzzing coming from the direction of the door. We had to move.

I lay there.

"Jack?" Daniel's voice came from near me. "Are you okay?"

I swallowed. "Yeap - just peachy, Daniel. Just peachy." I made a supreme effort and lifted my hand, wiping the blood from my eyes. "Give me a hand here, Carter."

With Carter's help I got to my feet. A little wobbly, but upright. Daniel was holding himself up on the edge of the machine, looking pale. He looked at me with a worried frown.

"Jack, there's blood all over you."

I could tell. It kept running into my eyes. I tried to blink it away, but there was just too much. The buzzing sound was getting louder and I was getting dizzier by the second.

"I think that we better get out of here, Kids."

There was a loud bang and everything went dark.

* * *

I missed the finale to SG-1's exciting adventure on the Goa'uld ship. I missed the Tokra taking the Jaffa from behind just as they blasted their way through the door. I missed being ringed back to Jacob's ship and I missed most of the trip home.

I swam my way up to the surface just as we were entering Earth's atmosphere.

The machine worked.

It must have.

I had spent the last few days remembering every feeling that I had lost.

Every terrible feeling.

I knew what despair was again.

I remembered how it felt to lose my only child.

I remembered.

And I was glad.

I had back what I had lost.

I was filled again.

I had regained my soul.

* * *

The SGC seems different somehow.

More lively. A vibrant living thing filled with people who enjoy what they do and feel that it matters.

That it's the most important job on the planet.

I appreciate the feeling all the more for having forgotten it.

The feeling of pride.

* * *


	6. Discretion Is the Better Part

Discretion is the Better Part

by Flatkatsi

* * *

I stared down at the clouds and wondered why the hell I was putting myself through this. In a moment of weakness I had agreed to do it, guilt being the main motivator. I couldn't help myself. George had looked at me with those big eyes and asked with such a plaintive tone. He had said that he wanted to be in Colorado Springs for his youngest granddaughter's birthday. I realised the second that I said yes that I had been suckered into it - it was the undisguised gloating look on the General's face that gave it away.

Then I remembered - his granddaughter's birthday was four weeks away.

Yes - there was only one way to interpret that look - suckered.

And now here I was flying high above the clouds on my way to Washington. Off to be polite to the Powers That Be who fund our program.

Why me? Yes - I can hear you ask that. Surely, anyone would be better than me. Anyone. Daniel. Carter. Ferretti. Siler. The lady who serves the meals in the mess.

Anyone.

George had explained it. He thought that I needed practice.

Practice! I need practice on the firing range. Practice behind the controls of a jet. What I do not need practice at is diplomacy.

I don't want practice at talking to politicians.

I don't like talking to politicians.

I do not want to talk to politicians.

The elderly lady sitting beside me leaned over and patted my hand.

"No need to be so nervous, young man. Flying is safer than crossing the road you know."

I smile reassuringly at her. My sighs must have been a little louder than I thought. "It's what's waiting for me on the ground that I'm worried about, ma'am. Not flying," I mutter. As I relax back into my seat I'm grateful that I decided not to wear my uniform on the flight. I'd hate to imagine what she would have thought about an Air Force general seemingly scared of flying. I had taken a commercial flight so as to relax into anonymity. And, truth be told, with the hope that it would be delayed and I would miss some of the meetings.

No such luck.

All chances of anonymity went flying out the window when we landed. There, waiting for me at the gate, was an eager, fresh faced Lieutenant, all shinny shoes and freshly brushed hair, waiting to impress the General. He leapt out at me like a puppy, almost slavering in excitement.

God! When did they start looking so damned young?

I supposed that he must have been shown my photo because I certainly wasn't dressed as your average general. I travel comfortable and that means old jeans and a nice loose shirt. This time the shirt just happened to be bright yellow.

"General O'Neill, Sir!" He just stopped himself from saluting. "I have a car waiting for you." I could see the surprised stare from my travelling companion as she passed me and carried on towards the exit.

I gave in. No point fighting it. I knew that I wasn't going to win.

I nodded, handed the Lieutenant my bag and followed him out to the big black shiny car parked in the no standing zone.

As we drove through the mid morning traffic towards the hotel that I had booked myself into in another moment of rebellion against the rigidity of military life, I thought about what had brought me to this sorry state of affairs. I should be out with the other members of SG-1 doing what I do best, not here playing politics. My team mates were probably enjoying themselves, hopping from planet to planet, having exciting adventures, laughing to themselves as they thought of me, stuck in a cycle of hellish dimensions.

Puppy Boy turned and looked over his shoulder from where he sat in the front seat next to our driver. "Is there something wrong, Sir?"

I realised that I had been sighing again. Got to watch that. Wouldn't do to sigh at the committee members. Don't think that it would go down too well.

"No nothing, son." Son! Where on earth did that come from? General Hammond called people "son". General Hammond the father figure. Not General O'Neill the fit, active general who feels twenty years younger than his actual age. Not me.

I mentally shook myself and decided to follow my own advice.

Go to your happy place, Jack.

Find your happy place.

Couldn't find it.

I walked ahead of the Lieutenant and into the lobby of the hotel. I had gone all out this time, supplemented the Air Force accommodation allowance with my own funds and booked myself into a five star hotel. I wanted to relax and enjoy myself in the evening, even if I couldn't do it during the day. I waved the young officer off with a command to pick me up after lunch. That gave me four hours to settle in before the meeting at the Pentagon.

I stuck my hands into the pockets of my jeans and slouched against the reception desk waiting for the concierge to finish dealing with the well- dressed couple on my left. After a few minutes, with a slight lift of his nose, he turned to me.

"Sir? Can I help you?" I could feel him assessing me and not liking what he was seeing. I was lowering the tone of his hotel.

"O'Neill." Let him figure it out. I wasn't in the mood to be helpful.

He dropped his gaze to check the computer screen. "Mr O'Neill. Yes sir. Room 312. I'll have your bags brought up." He looked disappointed that I was a legitimate guest. I took the keys without a word, turned and walked to the elevator.

* * *

I sat up and yawned. That short rest hadn't done me any good at all. I'd barely shut my eyes, my thoughts repeating themselves as I went over notes for my first meeting in my mind. It was a heavy responsibility, justifying the vast expense that the taxpayers met for the Stargate Program every year, a responsibility that I could have done without. I suppose that the privileges of rank had to have their down sides.

After a quick lunch in my room, I showered and changed into my uniform. A last check in the mirror and I was ready. My watch showed that I had timed it well. The Lieutenant would be arriving in a few minutes.

I suppose that I should have been pleased at the response when the little jumped up desk clerk saw me walking through the lobby in my dress blues, but I only felt weary and just a little disillusioned. It was a pity that it took fancy clothes to get respect these days. I just stared back at him and glowered.

Well that certainly got me in a better mood - not.

Sure enough, there was the kid, waiting anxiously at the car door. This time he was able to snap a smart salute as I entered the vehicle and was whisked towards my fate.

* * *

"Thank you for your time, General O'Neill." Senator Rogers extended a hand towards me across the table as I stood. I returned his handshake and nodded to the other members of the Budget Committee. I turned and left them to their deliberations.

That hadn't gone as badly as I had expected. They had actually listened to me. Maybe I wasn't as bad as this as I had thought. Despite myself, I felt a sense of achievement. Who'd have thought - Jack O'Neill, walking the corridors of power.

Get real, Jack - that was only the first meeting. You have about eighty more.

Crap.

I've changed my mind.

I so hate this.

* * *

Here I was in a bar again.

Getting to be a habit. But after the debacle of a couple of months ago, when I had my little run in with the local law back in Colorado Springs, I had been very careful about my alcohol intake. Getting arrested had certainly cramped my style. Still, this tiny ill lit bar was within easy walking distance of my hotel and I really needed to unwind a bit. It seemed that I had done nothing but move from meeting to endless meeting, repeating myself and glad-handing the senior staff and politicians. I had rubbed shoulders with more brass in the last two days than I had in my whole military career.

I took another drink from my beer and looked around. I caught the eye of the good looking blond on the bar stool next to me. She looked as bored and lonely as I felt.

She smiled.

"Tourist?"

"No, I'm here on business."

I saw her glance down at my left hand, checking me for a ring.

Perhaps the evening wouldn't be a boring as I had first thought. Unwinding could be fun.

"Can I buy you a drink?"

She looked me up and down before nodding. "Thanks. A gin and tonic."

Sweet - a woman of simple tastes.

She should find me easy to like then.

* * *

Juliet and I got on like a house on fire. She said that she lived here in Washington and worked in an accountant's office. We had a few more drinks and I started to relax. We had moved to sit in a booth at the back of the bar and things had gotten a little more "interesting" when I started to have my doubts.

"What sort of work do you do, Jack?" Strange sort of question to ask when you're busy nuzzling someone's neck.

"Government" I managed to mumble through her hair, before bending my head and stopping her talking for several minutes.

It didn't take her long to start the questions again after we came up for air.

That nagging doubt was beginning to grow. Then she stroked her fingers down the scar at the back of my neck.

I shivered.

"Something wrong, Jack?"

That was when I realised. It was the tone of voice. Cool. Knowing.

She knew exactly what that scar represented and that could mean only one thing.

She was NID.

Now I just had to work out what her assignment was - apart from me that is.

I could do this.

Why not? It was in the line of duty, after all.

I got to work.

* * *

Suffice to say - the evening did not end well. At least not for Juliet. Not at all the way that she had envisioned it working out when she had been told to get me into a compromising position. It seems that the NID weren't averse to using blackmail to get what they wanted.

And they had wanted me.

What they hadn't realised was that I just didn't care. It wasn't like I had a wife and children to go home to, was it?

I saw Juliet off at the door to my hotel room with a grin. She was not a happy camper. She hadn't got anything that she needed.

Well, she had got something, but not what she had come for. I smiled at the memory. She hadn't seemed too upset at the time. It wasn't until I told her that I knew who she really worked for that she had got angry and stormed out.

It hadn't helped that I had laughed at her.

I yawned and looked at the clock above the bed. 0300. I still had time for some quality sleep before I had to get to the next meeting. Straightening the sheets, I lay down and slept the sleep of the well and truly satisfied.

It had been a very interesting evening.

* * *

I was woken the next morning by an insistent knocking. Staggering to the door, I opened it and glared, blurry eyed at my Lieutenant Puppy Boy, otherwise known as Simon Wheeler.

"What time is it, Lieutenant Wheeler?" I fixed him with my best pissed off officer look, leaving him in no doubt that his career in the Airforce was on the line.

He gulped.

"0715, General."

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't my first meeting at 1100 hrs?" I was just beginning to make out the kid's features as I wiped a hand across my face.

"Yes, Sir, but I have a message for you. It's very important, Sir and I thought that I should deliver it in person. We couldn't reach you by phone and we thought it best not to entrust it to the hotel staff "

I glanced over at the nightstand near the bed. The phone was lying on the floor, receiver beside it. Must have knocked it off when I was entertaining the lovely Juliet. I turned back to the kid.

"This better be good, Lieutenant."

"It's an invitation, Sir. To the White House. Breakfast with the President at 0800." His eyes were bright with excitement as he handed me the envelope he had held reverently in his fist.

Sure enough - there it was, 'The President requests your company for breakfast.' Damn. Couldn't he have just been content with our occasional phone conversation?

I turned to look at the clock. 0720. Didn't leave me much time to get ready. My bright young Lieutenant was almost hopping from foot to foot in excitement. Might as well use the tools at hand.

I opened the door wide. "Come in, kid. I'll need help. Shut the door behind you." I picked out some clean underwear from my luggage and moved to the bathroom. "Get my uniform out of the closet, check it over and give my shoes a quick polish. You'll find the kit in my bag. And get room service to send me up some Advil and a large cup of black coffee" I closed the door on his astonished face.

Ten minutes later I was freshly showered and shaved and feeling a little more human. My uniform trousers and shirt were hanging from a hook just outside the bathroom door when I opened it. Wheeler was sitting at the table, brushing at my jacket. He jumped up as I came towards him.

"Your shoes are here, General." He pointed to the gleaming, newly polished footwear. I certainly couldn't fault the kid. He had even managed the Advil and coffee. I slipped on my tie as I drank, then dry swallowed two of the tablets. By the time I arrived at the White House my headache should have receded to manageable levels. There had been a time when I could have drunk twice the alcohol that I had last night and woken eager and ready to face the day. Those days had definitely passed.

The kid was still holding my jacket, lightly brushing the ribbons. He looked from them to me and back to the jacket again.

"You've got a lot of medals, Sir." His voice was unsure, obviously wondering if I would appreciate his speaking to me.

"Yeah, Wheeler. I suppose you could say that I've just been lucky. Right place at the right time and that sort of thing."

"Yes, Sir." I could see the look on his face. Don't contradict the officer. Agree with him even when you know that he's wrong. I could see the glimmer of hero worship.

Shit.

I didn't need this. I had sat through meetings too numerous to count over the last few days, doing my best imitation of a pen pusher. I didn't need the kid to remind me of what I'd lose if I wasn't careful.

And I didn't want to be a hero.

I just wanted to do my job.

Then I saw the kid's face change and I knew that I had gone from being a hero to a human being in the space of one moment. He was staring at the waste paper bin near the bed. The used condom wrapper had burst his little illusion.

"Come on, Lieutenant. Doesn't do to keep the President waiting." I took the jacket from him and strode to the door without waiting for his answer.

* * *

I was greeted at the main entrance by the President's aid and ushered into the room where the President was waiting. Yes - the President was waiting for me. Despite my best efforts, I had managed to arrive ten minutes late. By the time that the car had pulled up outside the White House Lieutenant Wheeler had just about been peeing his pants. He must have looked at his watch a hundred times in the last ten minutes. I told him to take the rest of the day off - I would make my own way back from the Pentagon to the hotel after my final meeting.

We sat at the breakfast table, the President and I, having a fairly pleasant conversation over our bacon and eggs. Well over his bacon and eggs. I couldn't face the thought of anything other than toast just yet. We chatted. I think that the President enjoyed chatting with me. Even after General Hammond returned to the helm of the SGC, the President had continued our phone conversations, just talking about boring things like hockey, the weather and the Asgards. It amused Hammond no end to find out that his undisciplined ex-Colonel had the ear of the President.

I think that the President could relax with me, He knew that I wasn't intimidated by his Office and was the type of person to answer him back and argue with him if I felt that he was wrong. Not many people would do that.

Of course, it didn't hurt to be the Golden Boy of the Asgard - the much more powerful than the President of the United States super aliens.

Didn't hurt at all.

Gave me a whole new viewpoint on the importance of power.

The President couldn't get enough of the Asgard. He had never met Thor and was totally enthralled by anything that I could tell him. I gave him the rose covered glasses view of our allies. Didn't tell him about my last little mission with them and just how badly that had turned out.

That wasn't something that I chatted about, over breakfast or at any other time.

* * *

The sun was just starting to go down when I finally got away from the Pentagon. I had done my duty, attended every meeting with as much of a positive outlook as I could muster and been diplomatic.

George had been right. I could learn to be diplomatic.

Now, if only my teeth would ungrit.

It was only a short walk back to the hotel and I took my time doing it. The evening was cool, but not enough to be uncomfortable and the sky was clear. I could see the stars shining above me. I knew that the actual number that I could see from where I stood was much less, but it seemed like there were thousands. Thousands of stars surrounded by hundreds of thousands of planets. There was still a lot of work to do out there. Who knew what wonders there were yet to discover and how many new enemies for us to face.

I fully intended to be there every step of the way.

And if it meant learning to be diplomatic - so be it.

* * *

The next morning saw me on my way back to the Springs.

This time I had walked out of the hotel in my uniform, head held high, and into the waiting car. Wheeler held the door open for me and gave me a quick, slightly embarrassed smile. The little dose of reality that I had been the cause of wasn't going to do his career any harm. He didn't have that eager puppy dog look anymore. That had been a look just waiting to be wiped off his face by the first bastard of a senior officer that he came across.

He was lucky that he had encountered me first.

* * *

"Jack!" The pleased voice of Daniel Jackson interrupted me as I unpacked my briefcase. I looked up to find all three of my team members crowding in through my office door, Daniel in the lead.

"Hi, Guys. Miss me?"

"Indeed, O'Neill. I had no one worth sparring with. I invited the other personnel using the gym to a match and none accepted the offer."

I could just see the scene. The frantic exits as Teal'c's fellow gym users found excuses to not work out with him. It didn't do any harm to my pride to know that I was the only person on base to be able to hold my own against him. I even won on occasion.

"Sorry to hear that, Teal'c. Let's get together in a few hours. I have to brief General Hammond on my trip first."

"How was it, Sir?" Carter had been busy wiping some unidentifiable substance off her hands and onto the leg of her BDUs. It looked like she'd been busy while I was gone.

"Good, Carter. Good. Just a few meetings." I piled the various folders from my briefcase up in illustration. She shook her head in sympathy.

"Must have been a bit boring for you, General."

"It wasn't all boring, Carter. There were some interesting moments." I decided that discretion was the better part of valor and didn't mention my run in with the NID. "I had breakfast with the President."

I smiled at their eager faces.

Daniel reminded me a bit of Lieutenant Wheeler. He had that same anxious face - just waiting to hear all the gossip about my visit to the White House.

Carter was smiling that satisfied smile - the one that showed that I had lived up to her expectations. I knew that she had faith in me and in my ability to handle any situation.

Teal'c was being Teal'c. He had an air of quiet confidence, as always. I was sure that he had never doubted me.

I picked up the mountain of color-coded files.

"Come on, kids. I'll tell you all about it on the way to Hammond's office."

* * *


	7. Unresolved Issues

Unresolved Issues

by Flatkatsi

* * *

Who'd have thought it?

Obviously I certainly hadn't.

If I had I wouldn't have been lying here on my lounge room floor, bleeding like a stuck pig.

I mean, really! How many pissed off one night stands turn up in your house weeks later and hundreds of miles away?

Maybe I shouldn't have laughed at her.

Juliet, the lovely NID agent that I had encountered in Washington, stood over me, a very large gun pointed at my head.

I had walked in the door with an armload of groceries and straight into the blast of a shot fired at close range.

I did what any heroic, ass kicking, special ops trained general would do.

I fell to the floor and moaned.

Then I bled all over my cream carpet.

Crap.

I could feel the dull throb in my side that meant that there was something seriously wrong. The pain hadn't hit yet, but experience told me that when it did, it would hit hard.

"Hi there, Jack."

I could see the naked fury on Juliet's face as she bent over me.

"You should have called. I would have picked you up from the airport."

She didn't seem to appreciate my witty repartee. I could tell.

"You bastard. You thought that you could make a fool out of me. I was the laughing stock of the section after they found out what happened. Do you know how that feels? Do you?"

She punctuated each sentence with a kick. I would have preferred a full stop.

"How does it feel now, Jack? Not laughing now, are you? You've ruined my career and I'm going to make you sorry that you ever met me."

"I already was sorry. Does that mean that you're going to leave now?" I rolled over on to my side and tensed myself, ready to get up.

The hand holding the gun was shaking, Juliet's emotions overwhelming her training. All I needed were a few seconds and I could have grabbed the weapon and ended this before it went too far.

Too late.

I had underestimated her. She must have seen something of what I planned in my eyes, because the next thing she did was take me out, well and truly. She kicked me hard between the legs.

I challenge anyone not to scream when that happens.

I certainly did.

I could do nothing but writhe on the floor, spreading the blood around even more. I saw Juliet raise her gun and watched as she moved closer and pointed it at my temple. There was no sign of mercy. Nothing but anger.

I would like to state here and now that my life did not pass before my eyes. I didn't have any moments of regret as I waited to die. I was too busy moaning.

I did however see a white light. Not the "move towards the light" white light of the near death experience. No. It was the beam of white light that heralded a visit from my buddy Thor.

Way to go, Thor! Come to save me.

Juliet turned, her arm outstretched as my little grey alien friend materialised next to the TV.

Then she shot him.

* * *

I woke to the sound of pounding on my front door. For a few minutes I just lay there listening to the shouting from outside, my brain still catching up with the events of the past few minutes. Then everything fell into place.

Thor!

Oh shit! Thor!

I pushed myself up, holding one hand over the hole in my side.

Where the hell was the mad woman? She wasn't anywhere within sight, thank god, but there was a small figure lying curled up in the corner. Why did Thor pick today of all days to actually materialise instead of using his normal holographic projection thingy?

I made my way, hunched over and in abject misery, to him.

How was I meant to tell if he was alive? Where do the Asgard keep their pulse? Do they even have a pulse?

All I could guess was that he was badly hurt. There was a neat round hole in his chest, right where the heart would be if he had been human. Had to hand it to Juliet - she shot straight even when she was in a panic. I was sure that was what had happened. The sight of Thor materialising out of nowhere in front of her must have caused her to react instinctively, shooting at the movement without thinking.

I had to get Thor out of here. Get him some help. I also had to be sure that Juliet wasn't waiting somewhere in the house, ready to take another shot.

"Hello? Are you alright in there?" The query was shouted through my keyhole. With a start I remembered the banging that had woken me.

Damn! The new neighbors. Their moving van had been parked outside when I had arrived home. They must have heard the shots.

Great! How to explain a life size Roswell alien bleeding in the lounge room? The latest toy craze? A kinky variation on a blow up rubber woman?

I had to get rid of them - and quickly.

I hobbled as far as the door and leaned against it, panting. My side was beginning to come alive, the pain kicking in.

"I'm fine. Sorry to worry you." I tried to make my voice sound as natural as was possible under the circumstances. "I dropped something."

Oh boy! That sounded weak, but I couldn't come up with anything better. My brain just wasn't firing on all cylinders at present.

The voice came again. "It sounded like gun shots. Are you sure that you're okay in there?" They obviously thought that they had moved right into the middle of a major domestic dispute. I'd probably come home after a bad day at the office and shot the wife.

If only it were that simple.

I opened the door a little and smiled out. The large young man on my doorstep moved back a pace, warily. I couldn't say that I blamed him.

"No really - I just dropped an old radio. Must have been the vacuum tubes exploding that you heard. You know what they're like." I prayed that he was too young to know what I was talking about. It was getting harder by the second to stay upright. I nodded inanely. "Thanks for asking. You must come over for coffee sometime. When you're unpacked. Have a good day." I bared my lips in something that I hoped looked like a smile and shut the door on him.

That went well. He was probably phoning the police right this instant, but for the moment I had larger problems to handle. Like where was Juliet and getting help for Thor without ending up on the cover of National Enquirer.

It would also be nice if I didn't bleed to death before handling said problems.

I had to keep one hand on the doorframe to hold myself straight. I knew that if I let go I would fall down and not get up and then I wouldn't be of any use to anybody. So I pulled the other hand away from my side and reaching into my jacket pocket for my cell, pressed speed dial.

"Hammond here"

My hands shook wildly as I held the phone up to my ear. "General, it's Jack. I have a problem."

There was an audible groan from the other end of the line. It would have made me smile if I wasn't having so much trouble staying conscious,

"What is it this time, Jack?"

"Ah well, Sir, I had a friend come visit. He just appeared in my house. You know how my special friends do that? Well, he's hurt himself badly and I think that he needs to see the Doc urgently, but I don't want to disturb the new neighbors. I wouldn't want to upset them, seeing that they're moving in today."

God! Could this sound any more stupid? Anyone listening in on the conversation would be in no doubt that my house was a hotbed of gay sex.

There was a pause before George spoke again. "Is this special friend the one with the grey suit?"

"Yeap. That would be him, Sir. Oh, and Sir - I had another visitor who may still be here. You wouldn't want to met her unprepared."

There was silence while the General processed the information and hopefully came to the correct conclusion.

"I'll send Doctor Fraiser over with appropriate personnel. They should be there shortly."

God bless General Hammond.

"Thanks Sir. And remind them that forewarned is forearmed."

"Understood. I'll be sure to tell them."

I dropped the phone to the ground, took a breath and staggered back across the room to sit down next to Thor. He wasn't looking too good, but he wasn't looking too bad either. He just looked Asgard like, sort of soft and rubbery.

If Juliet came back now Thor and I were just sitting ducks. There didn't seem much that I could do except hope that she had left and wait for the cavalry to arrive, hopefully before the local law or the crazy lady did.

Just another typical day in the life of General O'Neill.

* * *

Waiting patiently was never one of my strong points.

I thought back to the awkward conversation I'd just had with George. Maybe we should develop some codes for use on unsecured phone lines. I could make a list.

My car won't start - The Supreme Commander of the Asgard fleet has been shot by a vengeful woman and is lying on my floor. (To be used by General O'Neill only)

I'm doing the grocery shopping - Help! I've been kidnapped by aliens with snakes in their heads. (To be used by General O'Neill only)

I'm taking the dog for a walk - Please bring a cell, Thor needs to phone home.

I have to wash my hair - I'm not dead this time, just sleeping. Please wake me in thirty minutes. (To be used by General O'Neill only)

I couldn't help laughing, even though the motion sent agony into my side. It would be even funnier if it wasn't so true.

Damn.

My carpet was getting dirtier by the minute.

I'd just had it cleaned.

I hate waiting.

I patted Thor gently on the arm but he didn't stir. He better not die on me. Apart from the fact that I considered him my friend, it wouldn't look good on my file. "Was responsible for death of Commander Thor." Wouldn't go down too well at all.

Come to think of it, this was going to be one very awkward incident to write the report on. Very awkward indeed. Explaining why I was the target of an NID agent was bad enough, but nothing compared to explaining what Thor was doing visiting me at home.

Crap.

Waiting sucks.

* * *

My eyes were starting to feel heavy when I heard the familiar voice of Teal'c calling my name.

"In here. The door's unlocked" I knew that I could trust him to make sure that there was no danger to the medical personnel before they entered, so I just sat, leaning slightly to one side and waited. Sure enough, Teal'c entered first, removing a zat from under his jacket as he did so.

"What is the situation, O'Neill?" His gaze took in the form of Thor and my obvious injury.

"It was a single shooter. Female. NID. I haven't seen her since she shot Thor. She's about thirty, blond, wearing black jeans and a green blouse."

Teal'c nodded and beckoned towards the doorway. Two SFs entered. "We will search the house and surrounding area. In the meantime I will summon Doctor Fraiser."

It took the Doc about two seconds to cross the room once the door had been opened and she spotted us.

"What happened, General?" I could see the anxiety in her eyes.

"Thor has been shot once in the chest, Doc. He hasn't regained consciousness since it happened."

She was examining the Asgard before I had finished speaking. Without taking her attention from what she was doing, she asked, "And you, Sir? The General didn't say that you had been hurt."

"Yeah, well - Thor's a lot worse than I am." I moved to let her have more room. "How is he, Doc?"

"I'm a bit out of my depths here, Sir. The best thing would be to get him back to the SGC as soon as possible and try to contact the Asgard for help."

"The house is secure, General O'Neill. There is no sign of the person that attacked you." Teal'c bent down and looked at me closely. "Doctor Fraiser, I believe that the General is in need of some assistance."

He was right. I was.

Janet stopped and peered over at me. I could feel small beads of sweat beginning to roll down my face. I knew the signs. I'd had them often enough. Shaking. Sweating. Dizziness.

As my vision started to go, I heard the Doc.

"General! General. Damn it. Don't do this."

Oh shit.

* * *

"General" I could still hear the Doc's voice somewhere in the distance. "Can you hear me?"

You betya Doc. My hearing's okay. It's the eyes that won't work. And apparently, the voice.

I could feel myself being moved and somehow I was aware of Teal'c's comforting presence. Wasn't I shot in the side? So how come my chest hurt so much? If I didn't know better, I could have sworn that I had a broken rib.

I wonder what the new neighbors were thinking of all this.

* * *

I woke to the comforting sounds of the infirmary. Now don't tell the Doc that I think of the infirmary as comforting, but when you consider the alternative, I think that you will see my point. I gave myself a mental once over. I could feel the pull of stitches in my side and the ache in my chest. There was also an extremely nasty pain in my groin area. Other than that I seemed okay.

But what about Thor?

I struggled to open my eyes, find someone to answer me.

The background beeps got louder and faster.

"Jack? Janet - something's happening. Janet."

'Shhh, Sir. Calm down. You need to relax."

Damn my chest hurts.

* * *

This time I managed to wrench my eyes open.

"Sir?"

It must be Carter's turn to sit with me. Her face appeared above me. "The Asgard came and got Thor, Sir, as soon as we contacted them. We haven't heard anything since."

Carter had known exactly what I needed to hear. I relaxed a little. Thor would be in good hands.

"Thanks, Carter." My throat was dry from the remains of anesthetic, but I could just about manage to make myself understood.

"That's okay, Sir. Janet's coming."

I nodded.

"Good to see you awake, General." I turned my head slightly and saw her standing next to me, across the bed from Carter. She was another one that knew exactly what I wanted to hear. "The bullet did some damage internally and you went into shock. You had us worried there for a while. I'm afraid that one of your ribs got broken when we had to administer CPR. Now the main thing is not to get too excited. Try to relax and let your body heal itself."

Juliet had done a better job than I thought.

Juliet!

The machines began to make that agitated beeping noise again.

"Damn it General! I said relax. Calm down." Doc was shouting at me, her face worried.

I made an effort and slowed my breathing. "Sorry, Doc. Did they find the shooter, Major?"

"No, Sir. We searched all the surrounding area but she had vanished. You said that she was NID?"

I have to admit that I was secretly glad that Juliet had gotten away. The sordid details would be easier to keep quiet this way. I just nodded back at Carter and closed my eyes.

* * *

The next time that I opened my eyes George was there.

"General O'Neill."

"General Hammond, Sir."

"You've got some explaining to do."

For a split second I thought of pretending to go back to sleep, then I realised that it would only be delaying the inevitable.

"Yes, Sir, I know. Have you heard from the Asgard?"

Although I tried to hide my worry, the machines gave it away. George glanced up at the monitors before placing a comforting hand on my shoulder. "We haven't heard from them, Jack, but I'm sure that it'll be okay. I'll tell you as soon as we hear anything."

I knew that he was right, but damn it, that little grey alien had gotten under my skin somehow. We had become even closer over the last few months and I considered him my friend. I didn't want to be responsible for anything that jeopardised that friendship.

I could see that George was waiting. I lifted my head off the pillow and did a quick survey of the room. We seemed to be alone.

"Doctor Fraiser is in her office and I asked the nurses to leave us in private." George had understood that I was worried about being overheard. There was no excuse for me to hesitate any longer.

"I'll make it easy for you, General O'Neill. Why did an NID agent nearly succeed in killing you?"

Okay - the easy question first. I could handle this one. I'm a big boy.

I told him about Washington. To be honest, I'm not proud about what I did, but I wasn't really sorry either. Juliet was very skilled in a lot of areas and I wasn't thinking of shooting.

George's eyes had sort of glazed over as he listened. When I finished, he shook his head in disbelief.

"Christ, Jack. I can't even give you a simple assignment without you turning it into something out of a bad James Bond movie. I think that you've given me more cause to worry since you've been promoted than you have in all the years of being a Colonel. So much for being a desk jockey. What am I going to do with you?"

I was sure that the look in his eyes was fondness. At least I hoped so. I gave one of my Jack O'Neill rueful grins. They always worked with Carter.

Not sure that they worked with General Hammond.

"I'll expect a full report on my desk within three hours of you being released from the infirmary, General. I expect it to contain full details of your Washington trip and exactly what the consequences were. It will be going into your permanent record."

I winced. No matter how I tried, there would be no way that I could come out smelling like roses on this one.

Blotted the copybook there, Jack.

'And I expect your team to be apprised of the situation. There is no reason to think that this woman will be content to leave it there. You'll have to watch your back whenever you're on Earth until she is apprehended. Your team needs to know exactly what we are dealing with and why."

Oh for crying out loud! General Hammond sure knew how to make the punishment fit the crime.

I waited for the other shoe to drop.

"I'll let you rest now. Doctor Fraiser told me how close we came to losing you on this one, Jack. You'll be in here for a while." Then he laughed. "At least this explains your other rather painful injury. No need to mention that in the report, son."

Rub it in, why don't you, General Sir. I couldn't even raise a smile at that, let alone anything else.

George stood and turned to go. I let my self relax.

Then Daniel walked in, a pleased smile on his face.

"Jack. You're awake. Great. I thought that I would check. Feel up to talking? I have a question - why did Thor come visit you at home? Isn't that a bit unusual. And in person too."

Talk about Daniel in the lion's den. He had no idea how close he came to death at that moment.

The heart monitors beeped rapidly as General Hammond turned back to me. I shut my eyes and prayed.

"Yes, General O'Neill. Care to explain?"

The other shoe had dropped.

* * *

I kept my eyes resolutely closed and hoped that Daniel and the General would just go away.

They didn't.

"Jack? Did you hear me, Jack? Are you feeling okay?"

Well duh, Daniel - no I'm not. I've been shot, squashed and broken. I've been made to feel like the most irresponsible senior officer in the Airforce. I almost got one of my best friends killed and now I just wanted to go back to sleep.

No I'm not okay.

They weren't going to go away, were they?

I opened my eyes and groaned piteously.

Worth a try.

George just glared back.

"General O'Neill? I'm waiting. Would you care to enlighten us? Given your explanation of the events leading up to the shooting, I can hardly wait."

Daniel threw an inquiring glance at the General. Thanks a lot, Sir!

"Well, ah.you see," My mind was racing as much as the readouts on the monitors. I expected Janet to come join the party any time now.

Timing is everything.

There was a beam of white light and the form of an Asgard appeared at my elbow. I was surprised that I didn't expire from shock right there and then. I could see the small figure of the Doc hurrying towards us.

"Thor!" I almost jumped from the bed in excitement. Only the various tethers attaching me to the bank of equipment stopped me. And the Doc's firm hand on my shoulder.

"O'Neill. I came to enquiry after your wellbeing and to ask when we will be able to resume my lessons."

I couldn't help smiling. "It's great to see you, buddy. You had me really worried there."

"I regained my health quite quickly, O'Neill, once I was back on board my ship. I am only sorry that it took me so long to return. I have been monitoring your progress and determined that there was no point in visiting before. I had hoped to see you awake before now."

"Sorry to interrupt, Commander Thor, but what exactly did you mean by lessons?"

I moaned towards Janet. "Hurts, Doc. Can I have something for the pain? Something strong." I saw the look of disbelief on her face. And the smile on the General's.

"I don't think that General O'Neill needs any more medication just now, Doctor Fraiser. Wouldn't want him to fall asleep when Commander Thor made a special trip to see him, now would we?"

He was a cruel man.

"O'Neill has kindly been teaching me about some of the more unusual aspects of your culture for some weeks now. I have been finding the lessons quite informative."

I watched as George's face began to redden. He fixed me with a scathing glare. "Exactly what sort of aspects of our culture has the General been teaching you, Commander?"

Kiss your career goodbye, Jack

"At first it was music. Your Mozart is very calming."

Oh Thank You, God!

George almost looked pleased.

"Then he taught me about your competitive battles. I must admit to finding them quite stimulating to watch. I was surprised at the grievous wounds that can be inflicted by such seemingly innocent pieces of wood."

George raised an eyebrow at me. "Hockey?"

I nodded miserably.

Thor was on a roll. There was nothing that I could do to stop him.

I moaned at the Doc.

"Are you alright, O'Neill?" At least Thor cared.

"He's fine, Commander. Please go on."

"The last few lessons have been the most interesting of all. They involve a series of numeric cards and a system of wagering. I belief that you call it poker."

"Poker? The General has been teaching you poker?" The outrage on George's face was too much to stand.

I shut my eyes and just lay there.

"Yes. But I admit to being a little worried. Apart from my concern over O'Neill's health that was one of the main reasons for my visit today. I was wishing to clarify something."

"What would that be, Commander Thor?"

Please let the ground open up and swallow me!

"The new flag ship that O'Neill has won. The O'Neill 2. Why must it have his name painted on the side in orange? And what is this badge that he wishes to be worn by the crew? IDIC? Perhaps if I read the reports on the Star Trek missions, I would have a better understanding of the significance of the symbol?"

Oh crap!

I allowed myself to drift away, accompanied only by the anguished roar of "General O'Neill!"

* * *


	8. Out of the Blue

Out of the Blue

* * *

I was going totally and completely stir crazy. Being stuck in the mountain was not doing either my tan or my temper any good at all. My paperwork was gone - victim to my first few days out of the infirmary. I had even written my report on the Thor/Juliet incident and handed it to General Hammond as requested.

He had handed it straight back.

Four revisions later he had finally accepted it and very obviously placed it in my file sitting open on his desk. It was a wonder that it fitted - the file was so thick that it rivalled 'War and Peace'. If they ever make a movie based on the Stargate and my adventures, I want one of those action guys to play my role - you know, Bruce Willis or Arnie. Or maybe that George Clooney - he even looks a bit like me.

After the little incident with the file, I slunk off to drown my sorrows in a very large cup of stomach lining stripping mess hall coffee.

I could feel the eyes on me as I walked the corridors. Surely Hammond wouldn't have told anyone what happened? Surely no one knew about the reasons behind the shooting?

But I could hear the whispers as I passed.

Paranoid - that's what I am and with very good reason. I'd had a hectic few months, culminating in my attempted murder. Was it any wonder that I was beginning to feel just a tiny bit stressed?

I walked into the mess hall and stopped to look around the room. There was Ferretti and his team at one table, Major Brown and the Marines at another and a third occupied purely by some of the scientific staff. They all looked at me expectedly as if waiting for me to burst into flames or something. I nodded to Lou and stalked over to the coffee pot with as much dignity as I could muster. I was pouring myself a mug of the thick potent brew when I heard a soft footfall right behind me. I jumped about ten feet in the air, spilling the hot liquid over my hand.

"Shit Lou, what are you trying to do to me! I just got out of the infirmary. I don't want to have to go back with a suspected heart attack."

"Sorry, General." Lou looked quite shocked at my reaction. What he didn't know was that my nerves were almost completely shot. I was just waiting for Juliet to reappear to finish what she had started. I couldn't stay inside the mountain forever and the knowledge that I was better at this sort of game than her didn't help.

I really had to get a grip.

I smiled at Ferretti reassuringly. "That's okay, Lou. No problem."

"Ah - we were wondering." he hesitated and looked slightly embarrassed.

"What, Major?" My voice must have had a warning tone because he finally just blurted it out. "We were all wondering if you really played poker with Thor?"

Was that it? That was the big thing that everyone had been whispering about? I could feel the relief. Not Juliet. It was just Thor.

This I could cope with.

I grinned and took Ferretti by the arm, pulling him towards the table where his team sat.

"Sure, Lou. It's true. Want to hear all about it?"

My day was finally getting better.

* * *

I managed to avoid George for several more days. I also managed to avoid my team. I know that Hammond had told me to explain what had happened and why, but I figured, hey - I wasn't going up top. No need to worry about getting shot while I was down here and therefore no need to worry about telling Carter and the others.

I'd tell them.

I would.

Just not yet.

When the time was right.

I knew that it would be a cold day in Hell before the time was right.

I was called into General Hammond's office on the Tuesday. I must admit to feeling just a tiny bit of trepidation. The fallout from the Thor thing hadn't been anywhere near as bad as I had thought it would be, plus according to Ferretti, it seemed that I had become a bit of a legend on base.

Not that I wasn't a legend before, of course.

The story of my poker lessons had spread, including the fact that I had won a new space ship. Of course George had told me in words of one syllable that I couldn't keep it, but the mere fact of winning it in the first place still gave me a glow of pleasure. I had explained to the General that I had had no intention of making Thor pay the debt, but he hadn't seemed to be impressed by my generosity.

I knocked on the General's door with the unpleasant thought that he might have finally decided to properly discipline me. As he had left me on that night when Thor visited he had muttered something about my cleaning the latrines with a toothbrush, but I was sure that he had been just joking.

I was sure.

I decided to buy a new toothbrush just in case. One with hard bristles.

"Enter"

I stepped smartly into the office as befits my current status as Teacher to the Asgard and stopped dead in my tracks.

Crap.

"General O'Neill. I asked the rest of SG-1 to join us."

Three accusing glares were pinning me where I stood.

Well - two glares and one sardonic smile. Give you three guesses who owned the smile?

"Good morning, General O'Neill."

"Teal'c." I couldn't help but smile back. Teal'c - my main man. My comrade in arms. He understood.

"I have been searching for you O'Neill. I wished to enquire as to the reason for the shooting."

It was deliberate, I'm positive. I saw George grin behind my team's back. Teal'c raised that eyebrow that I am so sick of and plastered a patient look on his face.

Speechless is not a term that I would normally associate with myself, but it took on a whole new meaning at that moment.

Speechless.

Struck dumb.

Maybe the 'dumb' part should be emphasised.

"Yeah, well - I've been busy. Writing reports."

"Report, Jack. Report. Singular." George interjected, still grinning.

I knew when I was beaten. Take it like a man, Jack.

"Okay, I'm sorry that I didn't tell you before. I was shot by an NID agent that I had run into in Washington. She had a few problems with something that I'd done and was a bit angry about it. Now the General is worried that she might try to get me again, so we have to be careful when I'm topside." I rushed out the words and then took a satisfied breath and looked at my team, waiting for the words of support.

Suddenly Daniel and Carter appeared to have learnt that irritating eyebrow thing off Teal'c. All three of them just stood there with matching expressions of disbelief.

"And?"

"And what, Daniel?"

Carter jumped in. "What exactly did you do to cause an NID agent to want to kill you, Sir?"

"Maybe he was just his annoying self, Sam. God knows - I have the urge to kill him at least once a day."

"Oh, ha ha, Daniel." I was hurt by their lack of concern for my welfare.

"Why don't you go ahead and tell them, Jack?" I swear that if Hammond's grin got any broader it would split his face right across.

I SO did not want to do this.

"I laughed at her."

"What? That's it? You laughed at her? You expect us to believe that, Jack?"

"Would this have something to do with your other injury, O'Neill?"

That's it! Confirmed. Everything that I suspected. Teal'c is still working for the System Lords. He is undermining the SGC from within with me as his prime target.

I saw the look of comprehension on Carter's face as the truth dawned.

"So, Sir, you slept with her and then laughed at her?"

"It wasn't like that, Carter. She was trying to discredit me. Get at the SGC through me. I just turned her own tactics back on her and she didn't like it."

"I understand, General" But I could see that she didn't. Didn't understand at all.

* * *

Carter isn't talking to me. Except when she has to.

Daniel keeps giving me disapproving looks.

Teal'c just looks stoic, but I can see the grin hiding inside him.

As far as team dynamics go - the word 'sucks' springs to mind.

And I'm still trapped here inside this damned mountain.

Finally I broke and did what I swore I would never do. I went and begged George to forgive me.

I think that he understood how desperate I had become by my grovelling across his office carpet on my belly. Well - okay. It wasn't that bad, but it came close.

He virtually patted me on my head and told me to be a good boy in future.

Then he threw me a bone.

The X-304 was ready for a test flight.

* * *

The Captain greeted me at the hanger with a quick salute and a very puzzled look.

"General O'Neill. I'm here about the X-304."

"Yes, Sir. I'm Captain Fisher. The X-304 is right in here." He indicated the closed hanger doors. "I understood that I was to participate in a test flight, General."

I walked to the doors and gestured for them to be opened. Two Airmen sprang to obey, pushing back the heavy metal and revealing the new craft.

It was a beauty. A sweet little ship combining all the best features of the X-302 and the Al'Kesh. This time we might finally have got it right. I walked around it, taking in the sleek lines.

"General, if I may ask - is the pilot joining us soon?"

I turned my attention to Captain Fisher. He stood beside me, glancing out to the car in which I had arrived as if expecting someone to be hiding in the trunk.

"The pilot is already here, Fisher." I smiled.

"Sir?"

"I'm the other pilot, Fisher. I'll be ready in a few minutes. Just give me time to get changed into my flight suit."

He recovered well, I'll grant you that. He snapped to attention and threw me a crisp salute. "Yes, Sir."

When I walked back out towards the hanger, I could see the glances being exchanged amongst the assembled personnel. Word had obviously spread that some senior officer was about to be taken on a joy ride in their new toy by the Captain. Captain Fisher pointed towards the co pilot's seat. "If you would, Sir."

"I don't think so, Fisher." I climbed up and snuggled myself into the front position with only a brief twinge reminding me of my latest injury. Fisher stood on the ground, his face resigned. "Coming, Captain?"

He glanced at his watching men and obviously realised that now was not a good time to argue. I could almost feel the waves of hostility issuing from him.

"Sir, I'll just taxi it out." His voice was cold.

"Thank you, Fisher." I sat back to enjoy the ride.

Our craft soon sat on the end of the runway, poised like an arrow waiting for flight.

"Ready, General?" He was warning the elderly officer to hold on because it was going to get bumpy.

"I think that I can take it from here, Captain." I gently gripped the controls and began my takeoff run.

The X-304 shot into the air, executing a nice little roll as soon as she cleared the ground. I made one swift, low run at a ninety-degree angle over the airfield, before heading her nose up and out.

"Sweet!"

I could hear nothing from the seat behind me. For a moment I worried that perhaps I had lost the Captain in that first roll, then logic set in. "You okay back there, Captain?"

"Yes, General. Thank you for asking Sir." His voice had thawed a little. "I take it that you are familiar with the X-304, Sir?"

"You could say that, Captain." We did several more rolls, and then I began a dive towards Earth. "She certainly handles well."

Fisher's next words seemed to be a bit strained. "Yes, Sir. She does. Are you going to pull up soon, Sir?"

The ground was rising up to meet us at an astonishing speed. The thought that Teal'c would have loved this passed briefly through my mind. Bet he was sorry that he had pissed me off. I could hear slightly panicked movements behind me and gave a private smile. There was the airfield - just below. I could almost see the horrified expressions on the upturned faces before I pulled up and angled in over the runway.

Then my sense of mischief got the better of me.

"You know, Captain, I just don't feel like going back to the paperwork yet. What say we take her for another run?"

I didn't give him time to answer - not that I thought that he would object. A lowly Captain has no objection to anything that a General suggests.

This time we kept going up.

"I've been looking at your record, Captain Fisher." I don't think that anything that I could have said would have surprised him more.

"Sir?"

"Your security clearance was recently upgraded."

"Because of my work with the X-304. Yes, Sir."

"That was partly the reason, Captain. However, you're about to see the main reason in a few minutes." I kept the craft in a steep climb and watched as the Earth fell away beneath us.

"What do you know about the development of the X-304, Fisher?" I made a few small adjustments in our course as I spoke.

"Not much, Sir. I was brought in for the preliminary test flights." He hesitated. "Ah, General?"

"Yes, Captain?"

"We seem to be rather high."

"Yes and we're going a lot higher. This craft has a few capabilities that you aren't aware of. That's one of the main reasons that you are here."

"Sir?"

"Didn't you wonder about the technology used in the X-304, Captain?"

"Well, yes Sir, I did. It seemed a huge leap in advancement. I asked a few times about it but got told to just fly the thing and leave the technology to the scientists." His voice was bitter, resigned.

"Its those questions that brought me here, Fisher. You'll be getting your answers in a few minutes. Sit back and enjoy."

Then I did something that I love more than almost anything in the world.

I flew.

Up and up. Away from the confines of the Earth and up into the blackness of space. The stars multiplied around the canopy and the blackness got that quality of velvet that you only see when you leave the atmosphere. There was awed silence from my passenger. I could only imagine what must have been going through his mind as we climbed, ever upwards.

The silence was broken by a loud gasp.

"General O'Neill."

"Fisher?"

"There seems to be some sort of space ship at twelve o'clock, Sir."

I had seen it a minute or so before the Captain, but then I'd been expecting it.

"Yes, Captain. That's where we are headed."

The Tok'ra had finally realised that the Gao'uld were on to their "cargo ship" disguise. They had branched out into troop transports, a much larger craft as yet still able to be used in Gao'uld held space without discovery. One of the reasons for this trip was to see if the X-304 could safely dock in the Tok'ra ship's cargo bay. We didn't want a repeat of the X-301 incident where Teal'c and I had to be ringed up through the vacuum of space.

I lined us up with the ship and radioed in.

"This is Starwarrior. Request permission to come aboard."

Jacob Carter's voice replied. "Permission granted, Starwarrior. The door is open."

"Want to take her in, Fisher?"

I was pleased to hear him answer without hesitation. "Yes, Sir!"

We had as smooth a landing as I could have wished, easing into the bay with no problem whatsoever. Looks like I had my answer - the X-304 would be going into mass production as soon as I made my report to Washington.

Captain Fisher and I were helped down from the craft by a bland faced Tok'ra, as welcoming as I expected him to be. I nodded my thanks and gesturing for Fisher to follow me, made my way to the bridge.

"Jack. Good to see you." Jacob walked forward, hand outstretched. "Who's your friend?"

"General Jacob Carter, meet Captain John Fisher."

"General Carter?"

"US Air Force, retired, Fisher."

I snorted. "Yeah, right! Retired."

"Jacob is retired, General O'Neill, from the US Air Force, but not from the Tok'ra." Selmak's voice echoed through the room.

Just what I had wanted. I watched for Fisher's reaction.

He blinked. Twice.

And reached instinctively for a sidearm that he didn't have.

My type of soldier.

* * *

"How did it go, Jack?" I had reported to General Hammond's office as soon as I got back to base.

Taking a seat, I smiled broadly. "Fine, Sir. The X-304 is everything that we had hoped for."

"And Captain Fisher?"

"We've found ourselves our first pilot, George. He was perfect - calm, cool and collected, with just the right instincts."

I thought to our landing back at the airfield. Fisher had been silent all the way home then, just before I brought the craft in, had asked one very perceptive question.

"Did I pass, Sir?"

I waited until we were out of the plane before answering.

"Yes, Captain. You passed. With flying colors."

I left him grinning.

* * *

My little jaunt into the outside world had made me more stir crazy than ever.

I was damned if I was going to be stuck, hiding in the mountain.

I was going out. Checking my mail. Mowing my grass. Buying groceries.

Getting back to normal.

I didn't tell George what I planned. I knew that he would argue; tell me to wait until she had been found.

Well I was sick of waiting.

I don't do waiting.

I waved a cheery farewell to the guard on the gate and drove happily off.

I was even whistling as I drove down the mountain.

The shot came out of nowhere. Straight through the windscreen, missing me by a millimetre. I swung my truck to the right, peering through the shattered glass and pulled onto the side, all the while feeling that annoying sense of déjà vu. I mean to say - how many times do I need to get shot at in the space of a career? Did I need a sign "Beware possible target here, approach at own risk."?

I leapt out of the vehicle, gun drawn and ducked behind it. The shot had come from the trees across the road. I couldn't see any movement, so I settled in to wait. I had my suspicions as to the identity of the shooter, but there was more than one possibility. I had upset quite a few people in my time. Assuming that this was Juliet might just get me killed, for good this time.

Long seconds past.

Then the sound of a scuffle came from the bushes. Twigs snapped and undergrowth moved.

I stayed where I was. Mother O'Neill didn't raise a fool. An idiot perhaps, but not a fool.

"O'Neill!" Teal'c's voice called, "It is safe to come out now. We have her."

We have her?

The rustling became louder and Carter appeared holding tightly to the arms of a squirming Juliet, flanked by Daniel and Teal'c. They all had 'cat's got the cream' looks on their faces.

Oh for cryin' out loud!

They'd set me up! Used me to bait the trap and catch their prey.

Was I that predictable?

Obviously - yes.

I walked over to them, avoiding Juliet's gaze.

"You pig!" She spat towards me, but I had expected something like that and dodged to one side. Carter tightened her hold.

"Hi, Guys."

"General."

"Ah - thanks." I knew that I sounded ungracious, but I couldn't think of anything else to say.

"No need to thank us, O'Neill."

"No, Jack. We were getting sick of trying to avoid you while you avoided us. There are only so many storage closets that we can duck into without looking very odd on the security cameras."

"Plus I was dying to meet your girlfriend, Sir. See what sort of woman you're attracted to." Carter looked down at the glob of spittle soaking into the ground at my feet and smiled. "Now I know."

"General Hammond was surprised that it took you this long to break out, Jack. We've been ready to go for days."

I couldn't help myself. I grinned. They'd all been in on it. Just waiting to save General O'Neill's skin again.

Then, like a bolt out of the blue, it hit me - no matter what I did, I could never lose their friendship. Throughout all my adventures and misdeeds it was the one abiding truth.

I might test it, but I could never lose it.

* * *


	9. Beating Time

Beating Time

by Flatkatsi

* * *

I would like it put on record.

Jack O'Neill is pissed.

Mightily pissed.

We got back from PS7-G95 hot, sweaty and smelling. After visiting the showers and going through the obligatory medical, we scattered. I don't think that Daniel, Carter, Teal'c and I would have been able to stand each other's company for another five minutes. Eight days on a dusty, worthless, god-forsaken planet can do that.

They got to go do their thing.

I got to report to Hammond and then be briefed on the budget cuts.

Life is so unfair.

I think that George worked out that I was feeling a little hard done by after I snapped the third pencil in half. He looked from my hands, to the pencil, to the report papers and finally into my face. Then he shook his head slightly, sighed and told me to go take a break. And he didn't just mean a five-minute coffee break. He meant a get out of the mountain and go catch some fish type break.

He didn't have to tell me twice. I think that I broke the record for the fastest time from the bottom of the mountain to the exit. That race that Captain Mallor won last month came nowhere near my time. Admittedly, the rules had stated that stairs had to be used at all times, but I see that as a technicality.

I got home, changed into old jeans, T-shirt, and leather jacket, packed a bag and pulled the cover off my Harley. Within an hour I had left the Springs and headed - well, I wasn't sure exactly where I was headed, but I just knew that it was as far from the base as possible.

The feeling of freedom was euphoric. And it lasted a total of two hours and twenty-seven minutes.

My cell vibrated against my chest.

I pulled to the side of the road and, hoping that it was just one of the guys calling to say "Have a good time", I answered.

It was an unfamiliar voice, but his message was unmistakeable. Short, sharp and to the point. Just a code word and then, silence. I had to return to the mountain ASAP.

So here I was, facing back the way that I had come.

Pissed.

It was like I had been attached to an elastic band for months. I got just so far away before it drew tight and snapped me back.

* * *

I was worried. Pissed and worried. Not a good combination.

I could think of any number of scenarios for my being recalled in this manner - none of them good.

The guard at the entrance to the base had been increased fourfold and there was a command centre set up in the parking lot.

Now I really was getting worried.

Tired, stressed, pissed and worried.

I left my bike in the middle of the access road and hurried towards the entrance. Of course I knew that I had to go through the correct procedure, so I walked straight over to the Marine Sergeant on guard duty. Before I had a chance to show my ID, he had accessed me as unimportant and reacted accordingly.

"You'll have to turn back. The base is closed to all personnel."

I could see Colonel Taylor from NORAD heading my way, a look of relief on his face.

I raised an eyebrow in a move that would have made my favorite Jaffa proud and glared at the Sergeant. "Perhaps I should show you my ID, Sergeant?"

He furtively glanced back over at the Harley. I could see him adding things up in his mind and finally coming up with the right answer. "Yes, Sir."

I had just started to hold it out when Taylor reached us.

"What the hell is going on, Colonel?" The Sergeant stopped his hand from taking the ID and straightened up stiffly.

"Thank God you're here, Sir!" Taylor looked almost as stressed as I felt. "Come with me and we'll fill you in."

Whatever had happened it obviously wasn't something to be discussed in public. I nodded and turned back to the Sergeant.

"See that my bike is parked somewhere safe, Sergeant, And next time ask for ID first."

I wasn't in the mood to be nice.

* * *

The command tent was filled with two Special Ops teams and other assorted personnel. There were plans of the SGC spread out on the table in the middle and a bank of radios, computers and assorted equipment along one wall. Everyone looked up when I entered. There were some puzzled glances at my civilian clothes from the people that didn't know me, but most just had that same look on their faces that Taylor had when I had first arrived. Relief.

Damn.

I gave Colonel Taylor that "You better explain soon or I'm going to explode" look.

"We have been out of contact with the SGC for over six hours, General. Major Davis here..." With a twist of his head he indicated Davis, standing across the tent, and continued, "was speaking with General Hammond when the line went dead. All attempts to re-establish communications have failed."

I felt a strong sense of déjà vu. Memories of that truly horrific experience with the black hole surfaced and I shuddered inwardly. I hoped to God that it wasn't something similar.

"Has anyone tried to enter the base?" I eyed the climbing equipment on the floor. At my question a Special Ops Colonel stepped forward.

"Colonel Roney, Sir. My team and I attempted to enter the base through the access shaft. We were stopped by some sort of force field. We estimated that it was at about level 12."

I had a sudden thought. "Exactly when were you talking to General Hammond, Major?"

"0945, Sir. I noted the time as soon as communications were lost."

I did a few calculations in my head and didn't like the answer that I came up with. George had been planning to contact Davis at the Pentagon about the budget cuts. He had been reaching for the phone as I left his office. I had made the fastest exit from the SGC in living memory. I added it all up.

"Crap!"

"Sir?" Taylor looked startled. Davis didn't - he knew me a bit better.

"Check the records and see when I signed out this morning."

A Lieutenant keyed the appropriate commands into a computer and got me the answer.

"You signed out at 0943 Sir."

There was silence. They all looked at me.

I had left the mountain exactly two minutes before what ever it was that had happened hit.

And I didn't think that it was a coincidence.

Had it just missed catching me or had it waited until I was gone?

Only one way to find out. I had to get in.

I put my well-worn thinking cap back on my head and came up with the obvious solution. The only problem was the security issue.

But there wasn't any other answer.

I knew that I couldn't go alone. It could be a foothold situation. I had to have backup.

"Colonel Roney, I'd like you and your men to remain. You too, Major Davis. Everyone else wait outside."

When we were alone, I looked over the nine men left. I knew that I could rely on Davis. He had proved himself more than once. The others were unknown to me, but I knew from my own time serving with Special Ops that they could be trusted to do anything that I asked of them.

"Major, get the President on the phone for me." I turned back to the others. They were a mixed bunch. The major in charge of the second team was younger than Roney by about ten years, his men younger still. I had that same feeling that had crept up on me several times in the last few months - had everyone got younger or had I just got older?

Don't go there, Jack.

"General O'Neill. The President."

I took the receiver from Davis and explained what I was planning with a few well-chosen words. The President and I knew each other well often enough to not need long involved explanations. I was given permission to do anything that I needed to solve the problem.

It was time.

"Okay. Wait here. I'll be back." I could see the puzzled looks.

I activated the device on my wrist - the one that I hadn't been without since my last visit with Ba'al and with a small smile, spoke the agreed phrase. "Beam me up."

I get such a kick out of that.

* * *

"Greetings, O'Neill." Thor stood, silhouetted against the backdrop of Earth. It never failed to take my breath away, looking down at my own planet like this. I could see the clouds drifting across the Pacific, the white mass of Antarctica dominating the view.

I could have stood there forever.

With reluctance I turned away and explained my problem to my friend. He had no difficulty with my plan. I had known that I could count on him. It was only a few minutes later that I reappeared in the tent in a flash of light. Even Davis, knowing what to expect, flinched.

This never gets old.

"Alright, listen up. Major Davis, please remain here, ready to monitor our progress and report back. I want the rest of you to be ready to go in two minutes." I glanced down at my watch and then watched as the men picked up their weapons and equipment and waited for further orders. I stayed silent, as the second hand moved around.

"Sir, how are we going to get past the barrier?" Colonel Roney was calm, doing exactly what I would have done in his position, trying to gain as much intelligence as possible. I didn't have time to brief him. For all I knew every second counted.

Anyway, he would find out soon enough.

The beam caught us up and deposited us onto the bridge of the Asgard vessel. I watched the reactions of my men carefully. Each of them had his weapon at the ready, scanning the room for danger. I had asked Thor to stay out of sight until I called him. Wouldn't want another unfortunate shooting of the Supreme Commander on my record. One was enough.

I saw their mouths drop open as they took in the vista in front of them. I was proud - not one of them lowered their weapon.

I stepped in front of them, my back to the window. "This is a space ship in orbit above our planet. We are going to be beamed into the base. To do that we had to be brought up here first." I raised my voice. "Thor!"

The small alien walked around the bulkhead. "This is Supreme Commander Thor of the Asgard fleet. He is an ally and is helping us. Lower your weapons."

They did so immediately. I suppose my relaxed attitude helped. These days I was almost as at home on Thor's ship as I was in the SGC.

Much though I would have liked to get all pensive here and think about the implications of that, I really couldn't afford the time.

Time for Action Hero Jack to reassert himself.

* * *

Thor beamed us down into the SGC Briefing Room. The troops immediately fanned out, alert and ready.

It was empty.

I pulled out my radio and contacted Major Davis. No problem there. Then I had a brilliant thought and picked up the phone. No problem with that either.

The only problem was that the base was deserted.

Not a soul in sight.

Everywhere we searched there was evidence of everyday routine being suddenly cut off in mid action.

Papers lay on the briefing room table. Cups of coffee sat, untouched on desks. Half eaten meals cooled on the Mess Hall tables.

It was like the Marie Celeste.

The first thing that I had checked was the Control Room. To my relief, the iris was still in place over the gate. The computers were still flashing their little lights helplessly. The same mysterious beeps that I had heard for all these years were still softly whispering into the silence.

If I was that way inclined, I would have got scared.

Lucky that I'm not.

Nope.

Not me.

Never.

Okay, Jack. Time to do your Action Hero stuff.

I stood there. Nonplussed.

Nice word that - nonplussed. Sort of summed it up for me.

I had to get unnonplussed.

* * *

I divided the teams up and sent them out to search the base for any clues. I gave the task of checking the computer records to one of the young Lieutenants.

Then I went to Carter's lab.

Well I'm sorry, but if something mysterious has happened, Carter's lab is the first place that I look for the reason. What alien doohickie had she played with this time?

Sure enough, there on her lab table was a large unidentifiable thing buzzing and chirping. It looked most impressive - lights flashing and liquids bubbling. Then I realised that it was Daniel's coffee machine. Carter had promised to fix it for him.

Ummm - not that then!

Nothing else to be seen in the lab.

I rendezvoused with the others back in the Control Room.

No one had anything to report except an abandoned base. There was no record of anyone leaving through the Stargate - evacuating the base for some reason. In fact, the only traffic through the gate, according to the computer records, was SG-4 returning from a routine mission just before 0900.

It was a complete mystery.

I contacted the President and requested permission to keep the base locked down until a solution could be found.

Then I considered my options.

I contacted as many of our allies as I could and explained the situation. None of them had any answers. Hours had passed and I was still no further forward in finding my personnel than I had been when I first arrived. Colonel Roney had checked and found the force field still in place between the eleventh and twelfth floors. The people up top had wanted to send down scientists to investigate it, but I had vetoed that idea. There was no need to get any more people involved in what could be a potentially lethal situation.

I didn't want to think of the lethal aspect of this. Didn't want to consider that we couldn't find anyone because there was nobody left to find.

The SGC was a very lonely place when that thought crossed my mind.

* * *

It was the middle of the night on the surface when the first sign of a breakthrough came.

It wasn't the way that I would have wished.

My radio crackled, breaking the almost deathly silence. I was sitting in George's office searching through the papers on his desk for any clue - more in desperation than in the hope that I would find something, after all, what could have been written in the few minutes between the time that I left him and when he disappeared? The voice of Captain Evans was a welcome distraction.

"General O'Neill?" He had been searching the upper levels, mainly occupied by offices. "I've found something."

"What is it, Evans?"

"A body, Sir."

My heart raced. That wasn't what I wanted to hear.

It only took me a few minutes to reach his position. He was crouching over the body of an SF sergeant, lying in an office entrance, his chest a bloody ruin. I recognised him as one of the regular gate room guards.

Captain Evans was white faced. "He wasn't here, Sir. We searched here before. He wasn't here."

"When did you search this corridor, Captain?" I felt the Sergeant's hand. He was still warm.

"Only five minutes ago, Sir."

The man hadn't been dead for five minutes. The blood was still running freely from his wound. I could see no sign of a struggle, no evidence of fighting and yet it was obvious that this man had died a violent death and within the last few minutes.

This was getting stranger by the minute and I had no clue as to what was going on.

* * *

That was the start of the nightmare. One by one bodies began to appear, each with wounds that could only be accounted for by a battle. The body count was up to six and we were all beginning to jump at the slightest sound, when I had another call.

Would it be one of my team this time? George? The Doc?

But this time the person that had been found in the infirmary corridor wasn't dead. Sergeant Davis was unconscious, his scalp torn. He looked like he had been through the wringer, but he was definitely alive.

I had him carried in and laid on one of the infirmary beds. Then I just sat beside him and waited. Waited and watched and hoped that no more bodies would be discovered before he woke up.

"General." The quiet voice startled me out of my thoughts. Davis peered myopically up at me and I realised that I hadn't even noticed that his glasses were missing.

"Hey, Davis." I tried to not jump straight up and shake him yelling, "What is going on here!" I was calm. I smiled at him. I touched him gently on the arm.

And yelled, "Davis, what the hell is going on here?"

See - I didn't shake him.

For a second he looked dazed, and then he began to explain.

Soon after I had left the base, communications went out. Personnel trying to exit had found that they could not get passed the twelfth floor. The base had been cut off from the outside world. Hours had gone by while every possibility was explored. All means of escape seemed to have been cut off, even the gate wouldn't work - the iris stayed firmly closed no matter what anyone did.

Wait a minute! Hours?

"Sergeant. Are you telling me that everyone is still here?"

Davis looked around as if expecting people to start just showing up. "Yes, Sir. Why? Didn't you come to rescue us?"

Oh for crying out loud!

"Yes, Davis. I did. But I haven't." This was getting more confusing by the second.

"But Sir. We have been here all the time." Then I could see that he had thought of something that he didn't like. Didn't like at all. "What about the aliens?"

Colonel Roney and I exchanged horrified looks.

"Aliens, Davis?" I tried to stay calm. I tried.

"General. About two hours ago, we had reports of fighting on the upper levels. Teal'c and some Marines went to investigate and found a small number of aliens near the force field. They concluded that the aliens were attempting to leave the mountain. We managed to drive them back and the General placed guards around the barrier, but we've lost some men and its not looking good."

Crap!

That explained the bodies.

I shivered, an eerie feeling of being watched setting the hairs on the back of my head twitching.

Where was Carter when I needed her?

It was as if Davis had read my mind. "Major Carter has a theory, Sir."

I knew that I could trust Carter to figure it out.

"She thinks that the aliens have some how shifted the SGC in time phase. She mentioned something about the Replicators, General."

Damn! There was a name that I never wanted to hear again! The Replicators still made frequent visits to my nightmares. The time dilation device that the Asgards had created had hopefully trapped them for long enough to work out a permanent solution.

I needed to think this through.

"Had the Major been able to come up with a answer, Sergeant?"

"Not as yet, Sir, but she is working on it. Most of the non-military personnel are holed up in the Mess Hall. The Control Room, Major Carter's lab and here are the other main areas that the General ordered kept clear of the aliens." He shook his head and looked down, "I'm sorry, Sir, the rest of the base is over run. There aren't many of them, but our weapons seem to only have a limited impact. They recover from bullet wounds almost immediately and there just aren't enough zats to go around."

I left him with some consoling words and headed back to the Control Room leaving one of my men to watch him.

Halfway there I stopped. Colonel Roney almost ran into my back.

"Sir?"

"You return to the Control Room and keep in radio contact, Colonel. I'm going to head for Major Carter's lab." I gave him quick directions as to where it was and turned on my heels to head for the elevator. I couldn't explain my actions to Roney. I couldn't explain them to myself either.

* * *

Carter's lab was as silent as the rest of the base. I hadn't really expected anything else, but I was disappointed none the less.

I walked around the benches and equipment to Carter's stool.

It was like someone had just walked over my grave. The feeling that I had experienced before, with the hairs standing up on the back of my head, was multiplied tenfold. Ghostly, eerie - all those adjectives used to describe horror movies started running through my head. You'd think that all the odd things that had happened to me over the last few years would have made me immune to this sort of thing, but they hadn't.

I eased myself onto the stool and had to stop myself from bolting back up straight away.

I just knew that Carter was there. Sitting exactly where I was sitting. Feeling exactly what I was feeling.

It was the weirdest feeling.

I could feel a headache building behind my eyes. As the pressure grew, I leant forward and sat with elbows on the table, my head in my hands.

How to get them out of this one?

The longer that I took, the more people would die. People that I knew and respected. I had to think.

Carter's PC sat blinking in front of me, its screen saver cycling across the monitor.

I thought.

My headache grew. Maybe a reaction to my thinking too much? Or maybe not thinking enough? Had my brain finally said - "Enough, take me out of a walk or I'll pee on the floor"?

I reached over and tapped at a key.

'**General?**'

Oh shit!

This time I did jump up, staggering against the edge of the table as I lurched.

Ouch! Damn it to Hell and gone!

Crap crap crap!

My bad knee was going to be reminding me of that little move for weeks to come.

I limped back to the screen.

Yeap - still there. '**General?**'

There was only one thing to do.

'**Carter?**'

Okay - now the men in the white coats could come and get me. I'd go quietly.

'**Yes, it's me. Thank god. I thought that I was going crazy.**'

Carter thought that she was going crazy? Isn't that my line? I wasn't going to question it - just go with the flow.

'**Davis is here. He explained. What can we do?**'

A flurry of messages later and we'd established that having the Doc knock everyone out was only a bandaid solution at best. At worst it would leave the Earth open to invasion by the aliens. Only Teal'c and his group of defenders were keeping the invaders from opening the barrier that they had created. All attempts at communication with them had failed. In fact, Daniel had been injured trying to contact them in the initial hours. Carter had hastened to reassure me that the injury was minor, but we both knew that lives had already been lost.

Carter thought that the difference between her time and the correct one was only a few seconds - just enough to stop them interacting with the outside world. It had obviously been planned to take the base by surprise, enabling the aliens to reach the surface without interference. They hadn't reckoned on the tenacity of my people.

Now we just had to figure out a way to kill the invaders and get everyone back to the right time.

No problem.

'**Carter?**'

'**Yes, Sir?**'

'**Why can we do this?**'

'**Why?**'

'**This computer stuff.**'

There was no answer. I waited.

Then I panicked.

'**CARTER**'

'**Still here, Sir - thinking.**'

'**Don't do that.**'

'**Do what? Think?**'

'**No - take so long to answer.**'

'**Sorry.**'

'**Well?**'

'**I don't know. Give me a bit more time. I'll report to General Hammond and be back in ten minutes. Okay, Sir?**'

'**Yes, but try contacting me on the Control Room computer. I've set up my command centre there.**'

'**Yes, Sir.**'

I can't describe the feeling of relief that I was in contact with Carter and knew that SG-1 was safe. Now I knew that we had a chance to solve this.

I hurried down to the Control Room as quickly as I could while limping along on one leg; radioing ahead to arrange for the Special Ops teams to meet me there.

Apart from the man watching over Davis they were all waiting for me when I arrived. I explained about Carter. To say that they all looked at me as if I was a few sandwiches short of a picnic was an understatement. Remember - this was their first experience with the SGC.

By then the ten minutes were up. I sat down at one of the keyboards and typed 'Carter?'

'**Here, Sir.**'

You could have heard a pin drop. I ignored them. I had more important things to do than score points.

'**Figured it out yet?**'

'**It has something to do with you, Sir.**'

Okaaay? Uh?

Colonel Roney was reading over my shoulder and asked the obvious question.

"Huh?"

Can't fault us military types for articulate speech.

'The aliens waited until you were off the base before making their move. Get someone else to type.'

'**Don't you like me anymore?**'

'**Just try it Jack. This is Hammond.**'

I had just had a firm reminder that this was not a game.

'**Yes, Sir.**'

I gestured Roney to type something and then waited. Minutes passed.

'**Sir?**'

'**Yes, Carter.**'

'**Nothing happened at this end.**'

We had our answer.

I was the only one able to communicate.

So now we had two questions. Why and how?

* * *

I reported our progress to Major Davis. Now we had the best brains in the country working on it.

Trouble was that I knew that our best brain was right in the middle of the problem.

So I put my slightly less stellar one to work.

What was there that made me different to anyone else at the SGC?

"Thor!"

* * *

This is getting old! So old that it has grown legs and walked off.

Thor sat there in his cute throney pilot seat thing and looked inscrutable.

I wasn't.

Inscrutable I wasn't.

I was very scrutable.

I stood on the deck of the Asgard flagship and fumed.

It was that marker thing that the Asgard had put in me. Thor confirmed it. It made me different.

Different!

So different in fact that my presence sent up warning signals to alien invaders.

Invaders who didn't want the Asgard to know what they were doing with stolen technology.

I think that the sight of an annoyed Asgard was one that I will remember for a very long time.

Thor's eye twitched.

The excitement was almost too much to bear.

He beamed back down to the base with me and frightened the Special Ops soldiers out of ten years growth.

After a brief conference with Carter, Thor sent some instructions up to his ship and we sat back and waited. Within a few minutes people started appearing. The Control Room was getting extremely crowded by the time that George, Carter and Teal'c showed up. It was lucky that I'd had the foresight to make sure that everyone knew where and where not to stand or I would have ended up sitting in Carter's lap - or was it Carter who would have been sitting in mine? Suffice it to say that that embarrassing event had been averted.

Seems that once the Asgard had been told exactly what had caused the time phase shift they had realised that it was their technology that had caused it. And once they knew that, they knew how to solve it.

When I asked what had happened to the alien invaders Thor became ominously silent.

Thinking about it - I really didn't want to know. I was just glad that the Asgard were on our side.

* * *

If it hadn't been for the loss of six of our people, the whole episode would have been nothing more than an annoying interlude. But they were six good people. Six soldiers, who died defending their planet.

Six heroes.

We farewelled them with a ceremony in the gate room the following week.

And we then got back to routine.

My knee hurt.

And I still hadn't had my break.

* * *


	10. Team Building

Team Building

by Flatkatsi

* * *

Sometimes being a general sucks, big time.

I just had to discipline a friend.

Lou Ferretti, Major.

I knew that what he had done had been exactly what I would have done in the same situation. But I also knew that General Hammond would have dealt with it in the same way. Obeying orders is one of the foundations upon which a successful military force is built. The fact that you don't agree with an order does not give you the right to ignore it. Or in Lou's case - disobey it. Sure, there had been mitigating circumstances; Lou wasn't to know that we had a rescue team ready to move out as soon as he had come through the gate, but he didn't give me time to explain. When I had ordered him to leave his team and come home, he'd been blunt and to the point. It wouldn't have worried me if it hadn't been for the listeners in the Control Room. Lou and I go back a long time and we had exchanged words many times. Like I said - it wouldn't have worried me.

Unfortunately the audience had left me with no alternative and Lou had been docked several weeks pay and had to perform clerical duties on world for the next two months. He was not a happy camper.

Like I said - sometimes being a general sucks.

Now I was hiding out.

I was eating lunch at my desk when the tentative knock sounded on my door.

"Jack?" Daniel poked his head around the door as he opened it.

"Hey, Daniel." I put my sandwich down and wiped my fingers on a tissue. Since when had Daniel knocked on my door? Didn't he just open it and walk in? Then I thought about it. I couldn't remember the last time that Daniel had visited me here. I saw him in the mess hall and sometimes I went to his office, but he hadn't been in my office for a while.

Actually, thinking about it, I hadn't even been to his office for weeks. I had been too busy. And when was the last time that I'd just hung out with Carter and Teal'c?

"I'm not disturbing you?"

Damn - this was not good at all.

I glanced down at the reports and forms spread across the surface of my desk and made a decision.

"No, Daniel. In fact I just finished what I needed to do. Want to go get a coffee? Why don't I buzz Carter & T and see if they want to join us?"

He smiled and his whole face lit up.

* * *

Daniel's smile was echoed by Carter when she waved to us from a table on the far side of the room.

"I'm glad that you suggested this, sir. I needed to take a break." She was already nursing a cup of tea, her hands cupped around it as if they were cold.

"Indeed, O'Neill. I too am grateful for the opportunity to take refreshments." Teal'c came up behind us, pulled out a chair and seated himself between Daniel and myself.

"Well, I had nothing better to do." My smile faded when I saw their reaction to my joking words.

Oh crap! They thought that I meant it.

When had things gotten this bad?

It had happened gradually. First I had shut myself off after my second pleasant visit as a guest of Ba'al's, then there had been the episode with Juliet. I really had thought that we were back to normal after that, but I had been kidding myself. I had ignored that little warning feeling that I had had when I realised that I spent more time with Thor than I did with my team. I hadn't had time to do anything about it.

That's what it came down to.

Who was I trying to kid?

It wasn't that I hadn't had time. It was that I hadn't taken the time. I had taken my friends for granted.

"What have you been up to, kids?" Carter and Daniel began to babble happily about their latest projects, each trying to talk over the top of the other. I caught Teal'c's eye. His raised eyebrow and quizzical look told me all that I needed to know. Their response to my simple question was enough to show me that I had to do something about this situation, and quickly.

* * *

"Aww, come on, sir! You know I'm owed a vacation." I perched myself on the corner of Hammond's desk and tried to look as pitiful as possible. I really don't know why I bother; George was never fooled and never will be. He knows me far too well. But it was the truth - I was owed a vacation. My last one was rudely interrupted only hours after it started. I could feel a righteous indignation welling up.

I deserved this vacation and I was going to get it.

I think that George could see the light of combat in my eyes because he held up a warning hand.

"Just a minute there, Jack. I didn't say that you couldn't take a break. There is no denying that you are entitled to one. I just can't justify letting the whole of SG-1 take leave at the same time."

"But we have been going off world together for years and there was never any problem. What's the difference? Just pretend that we are on a mission, except we won't be in any danger, except for the wild trees of course. And Teal'c might want to drive."

George shook his head. I could see his lips twitching and knew that he was fighting not to laugh. "This is different and you know it. There would be four key members of the SGC off base at the same time. Each of you has added responsibilities now. For example Major Carter is in the middle of crucial experiments on the DHD programming."

I decided that I would have to show my hand. I explained how I had been neglecting my team lately and that our friendship was suffering because of it. I think that he was extremely surprised that I was admitting so much to him, but I had come to the realisation that I would have to be honest - not just with him, but with the others as well. Most of my problems lately stemmed from my lack of trust. When I had been standing on the bridge of Thor's ship and felt more at home there than at the SGC it should have been a wake up call.

I was pleased to say that General Hammond agreed to my request and gave the whole of SG-1 five days leave.

* * *

It hadn't taken much persuading to prise Carter away from her, oh so important experiments, or Daniel from his rocks.

I suppose that everyone assumed that I would drag my team kicking and screaming to my cabin.

Well, they'd be wrong.

We didn't have a lot of time and I didn't want to spend it travelling. So we went to a small hotel in the mountains and settled in to just relax. All three of them seemed quite happy to go with the flow and let me book the accommodation. I picked a hotel that I had visited many years ago with Sara - not too big, with a nice personal feel to it. I remembered that it had some fairly challenging walks in the hills around it and, more importantly, a poolroom.

We checked in and, after unpacking, met downstairs in the bar. Maybe it wasn't the best plan. We ended up sitting there until dinnertime. So much for the healthy, invigorating walks that I had envisioned. For a change we shared a couple of bottles of red wine instead of my normal beer. All in all a very pleasant evening.

But we really didn't talk.

I suppose that it was too much to hope for - that Jack O'Neill would bare his soul and come clean to his friends that he missed them.

It was much easier to eat a good dinner and play pool until the early hours, then fall into bed with no thought of snakeheads, little grey guys or other assorted aliens.

* * *

I tore myself from the nightmare and flung myself out of the bed to lie shivering on the floor.

What the hell was going on here? Sure, I've had nightmares before - who wouldn't after some of the stuff that I've been through - but this one had been so real that it frightened me. I sat up and rubbed my eye with my hand, trying to blink away the blurriness. Hovering on the edge of my memory was the feeling of something sharp being pushed forcefully into my eyeball. I shook my head and pushed myself up off the floor.

I thought that I was over that whole Ba'al thing - or as over it as I could hope to be. Damn, but I felt terrible. The prospect of getting up in three hours time wasn't one that sent me all a quiver with enthusiasm. It was pointless trying to go back to sleep now. Even with the memory of the nightmare receding rapidly, my heart was still pounding in my chest.

Christ! Had I yelled out? Had I woken the whole floor?

I sat on the edge of the bed and listened.

No sound of doors opening or worried voices in the corridor. Thank God.

I tried to remember the dream, but all I had was a feeling of terror and pain.

Could be any number of repressed memories from my exciting and colourful past.

The mini bar suddenly looked very inviting, despite its overly inflated prices.

* * *

"O'Neill?"

I jerked awake to find myself in the badly stuffed armchair beside the window. Getting up to let Teal'c into the room convinced me that I was much too old to be sleeping in a chair. My back would be making this point for the next day at least.

It wasn't until Teal'c came in and gave me a very disapproving stare that I noticed the row of miniature bottles lined up along the windowsill. That explained the headache.

"Major Carter asked me to remind you that we were meeting for breakfast. We have been in the dining room for thirty minutes." Teal'c's voice was unemotional, but I could feel the disappointment.

Way to go, Jack. Great start to the team bonding exercise.

"Just give me a few minutes and I'll be down, T." He left without another word.

It took me just under ten minutes to tidy myself up enough to be respectable company.

I hadn't been sure that Teal'c would have said anything to the others, but it was obvious that he had. He must have been very pissed at me. Pissed didn't cover the expression on Daniel's face and I couldn't see Carter because she was resolutely refusing to look at me.

"Hey, guys." I tried to act as if nothing was wrong but that didn't work. I think that I turned a little green when I saw the bacon on Daniel's plate. I ordered a coffee and sipped at it. The silence was beginning to be unbearable.

Finally I took the bull by the horns.

"Sorry."

Well that went down well. The silence stretched on.

"Shit, Jack. Can't you bear to be in our company unless you drink yourself stupid?"

That got my attention. I looked up and glared into Daniel's angry face. "What exactly is that suppose to mean?"

"Just what I said. It seems that whenever you have a problem you try to solve it with alcohol and from where I'm sitting, we have become one of your problems."

Carter reached out and put her hand on Daniel's arm. "Don't." Only one short word, but it conveyed a world of hurt.

"It isn't like that." I had gone from angry to desperate in the space of a breath. "You know that the last time I got drunk was because of being so ill after ." I stopped and looked around. We couldn't talk about this here. In fact we really couldn't talk freely about anything. That was part of the problem. "Listen. We obviously need to clear the air about some things. What say we go for a walk along one of the trails?"

One of the things that I had learnt since become a General was when to step back and take a hard look at the whole picture rather than going in guns blazing. I was, by nature, a guns blazing sort of guy, so this lesson had taken me quite a while to learn.

Daniel had begun to shake his head, but Teal'c overrode him. "Indeed, O'Neill. I believe that that would be a good idea."

* * *

The first few minutes of the walk were done in silence. The crisp air was beginning to clear my head and I began to warm up as we strode along at a fast pace. It was as if we all wanted to force the angry feelings out of our bodies with the exercise. When we reached the top of a small rise, far enough away from listening ears, I called a halt.

"Okay. First I want to apologise." I sat on a flat-topped boulder and massaged my aching knee. "The only excuse I have for last night is that I had a bad dream and couldn't get back to sleep."

"What was the dream about, sir?" I could hear the concern in Carter's voice and knew that she was thinking about my reaction to Ba'al's memory stripping machine.

"That doesn't matter, Sam." I softened my words with a slight smile. "What does matter is that I've let you down a few too many times in the past months. I've been taking you all for granted and none of you deserve that. There has been times and will be again, when I can't tell you everything that is going on, but I swear that from now on I'll be there as much as possible." I said all this while staring at the dirt around my shoe.

It was very interesting dirt.

Daniel cleared his throat. "Ah Jack, I can't speak for Sam and Teal'c but I do understand that you are under a lot of pressure at the moment. The thing that really bugs me is that you can take the time to play poker with Thor, but you can't take the time to talk to your friends here on Earth. The only time that we see you is in meetings and on the occasional mission. It feels like there isn't an SG-1 anymore. Just General O'Neill and three friends who wait patiently for him to notice them. You throw us a scrap of friendship every now and then." He must have found the dirt very interesting too because he didn't look up once during his speech.

I thought about what he had said and knew that there was some truth in it. My team was hurting and I'd done nothing to help them. Sure, they were adults and as such I could have told them to live with it and stop sulking, but that wasn't what they were doing. They had been genuinely pleased when I had been promoted. It was probably my fault - I had been the one to assure them that nothing would change. I had been wrong.

Very wrong.

Of course it had changed.

Everything had changed and it was impossible to go back to the way that things had been.

I dragged my gaze up and looked at each of them in turn. Carter was obviously upset. I knew that she never liked these sort of emotional scenes - they made her uncomfortable. Daniel looked a bit apprehensive, probably worrying that I would react badly to what he had just said and Teal'c was studying my face as if trying to see what was behind the mask.

Oh yes - there was a mask. I may have decided to talk candidly to them, but I would never bare my soul. I have too many things to hide.

"There will always be an SG-1, kids, but it will never be the same as it use to be" I dropped my words into the puddle and watched as the ripples reached them. They each reacted as I had expected. Carter looked resigned, Daniel looked angry and Teal'c just nodded in complete understanding. "I can't deny that things have changed and I won't pretend that they'll go back to the way they were, but I'm going to do my best to make sure that we are still a team. I can't say much more then that."

"That is all that I expect, O'Neill" Teal'c's deep voice rumbled towards me. He stood and brushed down his trousers. "I believe that we should be able to reach that far hill by lunchtime."

I squinted into the distance and spied a vague outline a very long way away. I moaned.

I would take my punishment like a man.

* * *

The pain hit just after we had reached the summit. I would have done my stoic best to ignore it, but I couldn't. It was like someone was pushing a knife into my gut.

"What's wrong, sir?" Carter had obviously noticed something. Must have been the groans and the clutching of the stomach - go figure.

I didn't answer. It's hard to speak when you are being disemboweled. I shut my eyes and tried to ride out the pain. I knew that the others were watching me anxiously, but I couldn't say anything to reassure them. To be honest, I was as scared as hell.

I felt a hand on my shoulder as I stood hunched over. Then, just as suddenly as it had begun, the pain stopped. I opened my eyes and looked into Daniel's worried ones. It was a minute before I could manage to catch my breath enough to speak.

"That was fun." Jack O'Neill - master of the sarcastic understatement.

"What is it?" Daniel put a hand on my forehead and I shrugged it away.

"I don't know. I've never felt anything like it before." But I had a sneaking suspicion that I might know the cause. Visions of ulcers sprang to mind. I had experienced a lot of stress over the past months. I sat silently and thought it through while my friends exchanged concerned looks.

No - I was not an ulcer sort of person. No. I might bottle things up inside but I didn't stress - I just got angry. And before you think it, I know that anger can cause stress, but I am NOT an ulcer sort of person. I refuse to let it be an ulcer.

"General, we need to get you back and let a doctor look at you." Carter had assumed her unofficial role of team medic. I knew that she was probably right, but I didn't want to go back just yet. I needed to think.

"Let me sit here for a minute, then we'll go." I interrupted her protest with a shake of my head.

Something was niggling at the back of my mind. I concentrated on that tiny feeling and tried to remember when I had felt it before. Then I remembered. In the early hours of this morning. When I had been woken up by the nightmare.

Shit! I had felt the same agony in my dream, except it wasn't in my stomach. It had been in my eye. That was why I had thought that it was caused by memories of Ba'al, but this was different. I hadn't been asleep and I refuse to believe that I was suffering flashbacks while walking up a Colorado mountain.

There was something else going on.

* * *

Sometimes I had to stop and ask 'Why me?' Wasn't there anyone else on this planet that could be the victim of mad gun people, rabid NID agents, megalomaniac snakeheads, bounty hunters, fanatical natives, or the food in the SGC mess hall? Did it always have to be me?

If it sounds like I'm whining - that's because I am.

I repeat - 'Why me?'

Having got that off my chest, I got back to the matter at hand.

I felt fine. We walked slowly back to the hotel and I refused Carter's orders to see a doctor. Instead I took them all up to my room, lay on the bed and explained my theory.

General Jack O'Neill - universal target.

I don't think that they were completely convinced, but they knew better than to argue too much. After all, we had been through some pretty strange things over the years.

I told Daniel to pay the bill and explain that we were leaving early. The sooner we got home, the better.

"I still think that you should see a doctor, just to be on the safe side, sir." Carter wasn't going to give up without a fight. "We could stop off in town before we head back to the SGC."

Her hands were clenched together, her knuckles white. Not a normal Carter pose. I knew that it would make the trip home much easier if I went along with her now. Wasn't that what I wanted - to make my team happier? I resigned myself to the inevitable.

* * *

The plump elderly doctor poked his finger into my guts, not appreciating how close he was to having it amputated permanently. Carter sat in the uncomfortable plastic chair next to me and beamed.

I was glad that one of us was happy.

"There doesn't seem to be anything wrong with your hubby." He smiled condescendingly at Carter. 'Hubby' - what in God's name was a hubby? Then it dawned on me why Carter had been allowed into the examination room with me.

She stopped beaming when she saw my face. In fact she sobered up extremely quickly.

I gave an evil grin. "The little woman worries too much, Doctor. You know how they are," and exchanged deep looks of male understanding. I stood. "Come on now, Honey." If I could have gotten away with patting her on the head, I would have.

I don't know which was funnier - Carter's obvious fear of what I was going to do to her or her indignation. I just knew that it took me over ten kilometres before I could control my laughter.

An hour down the road there was nothing to laugh about.

This time the pain hit in my bad knee. If I had thought that the other incidents were bad, this one proved how wrong I was. It felt like my leg was being completely twisted around, pulling the knee out of its socket.

All I can say is that, when the agony receded, I was very glad that I hadn't been driving.

We made record time back to the mountain.

* * *

General Hammond was very surprised to see us all back so soon, but as soon as he saw my face he didn't stop us, just followed the procession down to the infirmary.

"General O'Neill?"

"Just a slight hitch in the vacation plans, sir." I sat on a bed and waited for Doc Fraiser to finish examining Sergeant Siler's nose. That man really should be more careful - he's a walking accident waiting to happen.

As soon as she saw us she was over in a flash, leaving Siler to the less than tender mercies of one of her nurses.

I told her about the mysterious pains. Then I told them what I suspected - that they had nothing to do with injury or illness and everything to do with an outside influence. I watched the Doc and the General exchange resigned looks. They didn't argue with me either. It may have seemed a leap in logic to the casual observer, but all these years at the SGC had honed my senses when it came to trouble.

And no one ever accused me of being logical.

Naturally the Doc had to prove to herself that there was nothing wrong with me.

What is it about doctors and penlights?

After what seemed like hours of tests - probably because they were - it was finally agreed that there was nothing physically or mentally wrong with me. I just had an annoying habit of doubling over in agony ever hour or so.

* * *

I hadn't seen Daniel since before lunch, but I wasn't at all surprised when he bounded into my room in the infirmary. Janet had insisted I stay there so that she could observe me. Exactly what she expected to observe, I don't know. The total disintegration of an Air Force general?

"Jack!" I saw that the reticence that he had shown before entering my office just a couple of short days ago had completed vanished. My wonderful team bonding strategy had obviously worked.

Yeah - as if! It was probably just the pleasure of seeing me in pain that was making him so enthusiastic.

"I thought that I would see if I could find any references to similar occurrences." He grinned, excitement oozing out of every pore.

"And did you, Daniel Jackson?" Teal'c seemed equally intrigued. He had been keeping me company and had made me play poker with him. He had said that it was to keep my mind off things. I think that it was in revenge for Thor.

He doesn't really own my truck now, does he?

"I did." Daniel paused for dramatic affect and was very put out when I interjected with a disgruntled -

"For crying out loud! Just tell us!"

"Okay, Jack." He gave me an injured glare. "Voodoo."

My face must have been completely blank because he hurried on with a brief rundown on the cultural and anthropological significance of voodoo in some Earth cultures.

Did I say brief? Must redefine my definition of 'brief'.

Finally his battery ran down and he ground to a halt.

"So what you are saying, Danny Boy, is that someone, somewhere is sticking pins in a doll that looks like me?" I had to admit that that was exactly what it felt like.

"Yes. Or otherwise manhandling the figure representing you, thereby causing the damage to be mirrored by your real body."

This was getting into serious Twilight Zone territory. Suspending my disbelief was one thing, shutting the closet door on it was quite another.

"That's just ridiculous!" It would have had more impact if my words hadn't been accompanied by an involuntary cry of agony. I clutched at my chest, trying to stop what felt like a dagger pressing through my flesh and straight into my heart.

"Janet!" I heard Daniel's panicked call as if from a great distance as the dagger's point twisted and turned. I knew that Teal'c was holding me as I writhed on the bed, doing anything to get away from the intense pain.

It only lasted a few minutes but this time the effects were still there when the pain stopped. I lay back, panting and feeling for all the world as if I had just had a heart attack.

It was getting worse. We had to find the bastard that was doing this to me.

* * *

Then the pains stopped. For eight hours I was blessedly free. Eight hours in which I could sleep.

And that gave us our first clue.

Carter was the one that pointed it out. The eight hours that I was free of the torture were the length of the average person's sleep pattern. And not just any sleep pattern. Here on Earth. And to narrow it down still further - within the same time zone as us.

At least now we had somewhere to start.

"We need a list of any one that you may have upset that lives in the area, sir."

Sometimes I think that Carter is just too naive to be working with people like me.

Teal'c snorted. "I don't think that we have that much time, Major Carter. Or that much paper."

"Alright then, Jack. What say we begin with the obvious ones?" Daniel pulled a notepad towards him and picked up a pen.

And so we began.

* * *

I had managed to prise myself out of the Doc's clutches for the evening after I had promised to sleep in the infirmary. I knew that she was worried about me - the 'what if's' running through her mind.

Well, they were running through my mind too.

The one that headed my list was the "What if whoever is doing this decides to finish it?" one. But I couldn't tip toe around being constantly worried that some vengeful son of a bitch was going to off me.

If I worried about that sort of thing I would have lived in a state of fear for the last twenty or more years.

We didn't go to the mess hall or anywhere else public. We hid out in my office, surrounded by the evidence that a general's paperwork is never done. After all, it wouldn't do for General O'Neill to start screaming in the mess hall - it would put the troops off their food and hungry troops are unhappy troops.

Lucky we did. There were two incidents in the space of an hour. That voodoo doll was certainly getting a workout. I hope that its arm is sewn back.

I had to order the guys not to call Fraiser and promised to tell her all about it. My latest party trick was clutching my head so that my brains didn't fall out.

I really wanted to find this bastard and kill him - very, very slowly.

We came up with a short list of about twenty names. Most were ones that my team weren't familiar with and I didn't want to go into details about them unless I had to. And then there were the ones that they knew. Kinsey. Several NID agents.

And top of the list - Juliet.

When Carter printed it out and gave us each a copy, we all just looked at each other.

She was in prison, wasn't she?

I reached for the phone and saw that my hand was beginning to tremble. The sensation of having your fingers broken one by one is one that I will never forget.

I'll never forget it all right, because this wasn't the first time that it had happened. Oh the joys of remembering my sordid past! I was just glad that this person hadn't read my medical file. They were inventive enough with that damned doll as it was.

Daniel gently took the receiver from my hand and hung it up again. Then we sat and waited while I rode out the pain.

* * *

Juliet was still in prison. The attempted murder of an Air Force general had gotten her a long sentence. Her cell was searched, her few possessions gone over with a fine tooth comb.

Nothing.

Back to square one.

* * *

General Hammond and I got together the next day to discuss my situation. It really had become a major problem for us. I couldn't operate as a fully functioning member of the SGC with this hanging over my head all the time. We didn't know if that had been their intention, but if it was, it certainly had worked. Perhaps the motive wasn't just revenge after all.

And didn't that thought open up a giant can of worms!

George watched me with obvious sympathy as I bent over his desk, trying not to beat my fists against it in frustration.

"Doctor Jackson has explained his theory to me, Jack. Do you really think that voodoo is a logical explanation for what's going on?"

"It's the only one that we have at the moment, George and I'm hoping that he's right."

He was startled by my answer. "Why?"

"Because if it's someone off world that's doing this then I'm screwed. I'll never find them."

I thought of all the enemies that I had made out there in the very large wide universe and shuddered. Yes - I would be royally screwed if I had to sift through them to find the culprit.

* * *

"Sir!" Carter and Daniel came rushing into my office like something was chasing them. No more of that pesky knocking.

I didn't bother to ask any questions - I knew that whatever it was, they would tell me anyway.

Then I noticed the figure standing in the doorway behind them.

Ferretti.

Lou was looking very concerned about something. I ignored the kids and got up.

"Lou?"

"General." He wouldn't look me in the eye. Lou is one of the most straightforward people that I know. If he couldn't look me in the eye then I knew that there was something seriously wrong.

"Jack, we've found something." Daniel held out his hand, palm upwards. "Actually, it was Lou that found it. Lucky that he thought to bring it to me."

The object that he held was very long, pointed, with an extremely elaborately decorated head.

A pin.

"Planning to do some sewing?" I knew exactly what the pin represented, but I couldn't help myself. Flippant comments are often my way of dealing with the more unpleasant aspects of life.

Carter gave me an irritated glance. Yes, things were definitely getting back to normal. "It's a voodoo needle, sir."

"And you would know this, how?"

"Because Daniel told me, sir."

Of course - silly me!

"So where did you find it, Lou?" I noticed that Ferretti had been keeping uncharacteristically quiet.

"God, Jack, I'd no idea what was going on until Sam told me. I mean, I thought that it was odd that you all came back from vacation early, but I just assumed that you were needed back here for some reason."

I took a long, assessing look at Lou and then gestured for the others to leave us alone. Lou didn't even look up when they shut the door.

"Lou, what's going on?"

It was as if I hadn't spoken.

"I know that you did the right thing, Jack. You have to believe me."

Now I was puzzled. "What are you talking about? Come on, Lou - talk to me."

He finally looked up, his face haunted.

"I found that in the locker room. It fell out of Baxter's locker when he shut it."

Captain Baxter - one of Ferretti's team.

I was contemplating my next question when I felt a blow as if someone had kicked me in the kidneys. This was much too hard to ignore. It was as if I was being beaten within an inch of my life. The blows and kicks rained down on me as I lay curled up on my office floor. I had a vague impression of Lou's frantic voice in the background, but there was no way that I could ask for help or tell him what to do.

This time it wasn't stopping.

There was a hand on my back, steadying me and I recognised Carter's voice telling me to hold on, that Janet was coming. Under any other circumstances I would have worried about the anxious tone, but I was having too much trouble fighting to stay conscious and just to breath. I really thought that I was losing the battle when, as suddenly as it began, the attack stopped.

I rolled over, taking shuddering breaths.

"Shit!" I rose to my feet, ignoring the Major's protests and used my desk to prop myself up. Carter kept her hand on my arm and I have to say that without it I think that I would have fallen again.

"Sir?" The Doc came running in, took one look at me and made me sit down. Her hand snagged my wrist and she began to take my pulse. I could have told her what she needed to know. My heart was racing.

For a few minutes we just sat there, Carter and the Doc watching me like I was a delicate ornament that might break at any moment. I tried to get myself back under control.

I would not crack - I wouldn't give this bastard the satisfaction.

I was just about to question the absence of Teal'c, Daniel and Ferretti, when I heard heavy feet in the corridor and the very people that I had been wondering about burst in.

"We got him!" Daniel was grinning broadly until he took in my appearance. I saw Janet give him a quick reassuring smile and decided that I wasn't dying after all.

Nice of her to tell me.

"Who, Daniel? Who have you got?"

It was Lou that answered. "Cliff Baxter, Jack. We caught him in the act. He was in his quarters."

"He had this." Daniel took up the story and held out a small misshapen figure of a man, made of rough cloth with small tufts of straw showing through burst seams. "We'll have to be very careful with this until I can work out how to dispose of it."

At the word 'dispose', I shuddered. "Just don't drop it, Daniel." I had visions of having my legs broken.

More material for my nightmare file. Gee - and I so needed that!

Daniel took one look at my face and carefully placed the doll on my desk, as gently as possible. I couldn't take my eyes from it. Such a stupid looking thing to cause all these worries.

"General." I tore my gaze away and turned to Ferretti. He was standing rigidly stiff. "I realised that Captain Baxter was upset by the way that you disciplined me last week. I had a word to him and explained that you had no choice. I thought that he understood." He paused and shifted slightly, uncomfortably. "I did, sir. I know why you did it and I have no problem with it at all." He gave me an imploring look, asking that I believe him.

Of course I did. I gave him a small smile and a nod to continue.

His stance relaxed a trifle. "When I found the pin I thought that it looked a bit odd and wondered if it might have been from a planet that we had visited recently. I didn't want to get Cliff into trouble for no reason, so I took it to Daniel to see if he knew what it was."

At this point, Daniel jumped in. "As soon as I saw it, I knew recognised its purpose. I explained what was going on to Lou and came to see you. It also explains why the last few instances were more physical beatings rather than the stabbing pain. He had lost the pin. We found him with the doll on the floor, stamping on it. Lou grabbed him and you know the rest."

I could feel a load lifting from my shoulders as he spoke. It was over at last. No more wondering when the pain would strike next. No more hiding away.

It may have lifted from my shoulders, but it was heavy on Major Ferretti's. I knew that he wanted to defend his man, but that he knew also that the Captain's actions were indefensible. His loyalty was divided and he had to choose between his team mate or his friend.

"I have never heard of such a thing, Daniel Jackson. How is it possible?" Teal'c had been eyeing the figure warily.

"Well, that's just it, Teal'c. It isn't. At least not with what we know about voodoo practices here on Earth." Daniel was getting excited. He bent to pick up the doll to illustrate his point. I reached over and grabbed his hand, stopping it. "Ouch! Okay, Jack. I get the hint." He pulled his hand away and rubbed it. I could see marks where my fingers had dug in.

I was being very protective of that doll - go figure!

"Captain Baxter told us everything. He had always had an interest in the occult, dating back to when he was a teenager. It had only been a hobby. He collected a few items just out of curiosity - like that pin and had done a bit of reading, but never had any intention of taking it further. Then he met a - I suppose you could call her a witch - on a planet that he visited with his team several weeks ago. Naturally he was intrigued and talked to her, comparing occult customs. She gave him this doll as a gift. He should have reported the incident to Lou here, but instead he chose to keep the doll for his collection."

I could picture Baxter - a short, slightly balding man, with what seemed to be very few interests outside of his work. I had never taken much notice of him. He had seemed so nondescript. Now it seemed that there were hidden depths to the man that I'd obviously taken for granted.

"I don't know that he thought that it would really work, Jack. He was pissed with you and just hit out the only way that he knew how."

"When most people get pissed at the boss, Lou, they complain about it over a few drinks. They don't go sticking pins in an effigy!" I was remembering what little I knew about the subject of voodoo - mainly from countless B grade horror flicks that I had seen from the back row of the local cinema. Admittedly, my mind was usually concentrating on comforting my girlfriend of the moment, but some information had seeped in. "Didn't he need some item from me to make this work? Like hair or fingernails?"

Daniel, Sam and the Doc exchanged looks which clearly conveyed that they were surprised I knew that much. I wasn't about to tell them the source of my knowledge. Teal'c raised his eyebrow and looked troubled. And Lou answered.

"He went into the locker room after you had showered and took some hairs from your towel."

Okay - that was just gross. Eeew!

"Daniel! That's it." Carter excitedly interrupted. "What if we take the hair out of the doll? Wouldn't that make it useless." She turned to the Doc. "What do you think, Janet? Do you think that it will work?"

The Doc shook her head. "Don't ask me. I would have thought that the whole idea of voodoo was patently ridiculous, but I'm obviously wrong."

"Only one way to find out." Ignoring the protests of everyone in the room, I picked up the doll and probed it with my fingers. I didn't feel a thing. Maybe it didn't work when it was the victim doing the handling. Then I felt a slightly harder patch inside the seam on its left side. Pulling on it, I extracted several short grey hairs. With a grimace, I deposited them in the waste paper bin by my desk. "Okay, now what?" I asked the group.

"We have to make sure that it worked, Sir." Carter put into words what I already knew.

I handed the figure to the one person in the group that I knew could cope if it hadn't worked.

"Be gentle with me, T."

Teal'c ignored the sniggers of laughter from the two women. "I will endeavour to be as gentle as possible, O'Neill." He took the pin from Daniel and pushed it slowly into the figure's right arm.

They all stared at me, Daniel, Carter and the Doc with almost clinical interest and Lou with a very concerned frown.

Nothing.

I breathed a sigh of relief.

Then Daniel spoke. "You know, we really should put the hairs back and try it with them in the doll. Then if Jack reacts, we should take them out and do it again. Otherwise the experiment is valueless."

I cradled the figure to my chest and gave him my best glare. "Better still, Danny Boy, why don't we try it on another test subject altogether. Like a certain big mouthed archaeologist that I know." I stopped and smiled at my friends. It felt like it had been a long time since I had last been able to relax and laugh. "And anyway - it isn't a doll. They don't make dolls of Air Force generals. It's a General Jack action figure."

* * *


	11. Let Them Eat Cake

Let Them Eat Cake

By flatkatsi

* * *

"General O'Neill"

I just about jumped out of my skin. You'd think that I'd be use to it by now, but having Thor materialise in my back garden just as I was carrying the beers out from the house was so totally unexpected that he caught me completely off guard. My hand flew to my chest and I managed to hold my heart in place for long enough to breathe again.

I quickly checked my guests - just Daniel and Teal'c at the moment, but there were others due to arrive. "Thor buddy, what are you doing here?"

"We decided to avail ourselves of your generous offer. We were honoured that you invited us to the celebration of your birth."

Oh...My...God!

It really wasn't my fault. I wasn't to know, was I? It was just an innocent comment - you know - the sort of thing that you say to fill an awkward gap in the conversation. I had no idea that Thor would take it so seriously.

It had been during a break in one of these interminable meetings that are about as riveting as watching a plank warp. Hammond keeps sending me to them - I swear that man hates me. All the usual suspects were present - the Asgard, the Nox, the Tok'ra, rebel Jaffa and a few other assorted odds and sods. Even had an Unas rep for the first time. We were standing around making small talk and it just slipped out.

Shit! Might as well kill me now before George arrives.

Wait a second!

"We?" I had this very very deep sinking feeling.

"Yes, General O'Neill, we discussed it and decided that it would be the prefect opportunity to observe human celebratory customs. The others will be arriving presently."

"Others?" I could barely bring myself to ask.

"Lya of the Nox and the Tok'ra Garshaw have also expressed interest in joining us. I believe that Master Bra'tac was quite excited by the invitation."

Bra'tac excited. Now there's an image that you don't get everyday. I could just picture Bra'tac's little smile of anticipation. He knew exactly what he was doing. I'd have to watch him.

Damn - I'd have to watch them all. Maybe I could fix this before General Hammond . Crap!

"General O'Neill!" Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on how you look at it, George was interrupted by the sparkle of an Asgard transporter device.

"It is good to see you again so soon, General. I hope that you don't mind, but Anise expressed a desire to join us for the festivities. The Asgard were kind enough to make our travel easier." Garshaw graciously nodded to Thor and turned back to me with a polite smile.

"General O'Neill." The other Tok'ra woman standing on my lawn gave me more than a polite smile. She stepped up and placed her lovely arm on mine and purred into my ear. "I am pleased to be able to spend some time with you. We have much to talk about."

This day was just getting better by the second.

I had no idea that the General could turn that lovely shade of puce. He gave me a furious glare and spoke. "I'm afraid that you'll have to wait, Freya. I have something very important to discuss with the General."

I had never thought that I would ever be sorry to leave Freya/Anise's beautiful clutches until that moment. George's grip on my arm was tight and determined. We ended up in my living room, standing eye to eye and toe to toe. At least we were for about the five seconds that it took before I looked over into the corner and started shifting my feet.

He had his hands on his hips - not a stance that he took very often, in fact I only remember one other time. Oh shit! Time for very swift explanations.

"Sir, I didn't invite them. I..."

"Are you telling me that Commander Thor and Councillor Garshaw are lying, General?"

"No, sir. No. Never." I knew the right answer to that question. "It's just that they misinterpreted a casual comment."

"So you didn't invite them?"

I hesitated for just a second, but I couldn't do it. "Well, I wouldn't go that far. I may have invited them, but I didn't think that they would accept." I was getting more desperate with every word. Puce does so not suit George.

"Jack!"

Oh thank God! I turned eagerly at the sound of Daniel's voice calling from the garden.

"In here, Daniel." Great, a distraction.

"I am here, human."

Oh goody! More company. What fun.

I managed to stagger back out into the garden. Yes - there was Bra'tac, a sardonic smile on his face, and Lya, looking as arboreal as ever.

"Get rid of them! Now!" I didn't think that General Hammond could hiss. I've never heard him hiss before.

"How, sir? Tell me and I'll do it. Gladly!" I could hiss back with the best of them. I am an expert hisser after many missions where quiet conversation was essential.

"Who do you wish to get rid of, General?" The sweet tones of the Nox woman wafted clearly to me from across the BBQ. Are these people like some sort of super heroes? Super hearing. What will it be next? X-ray vision?

"The insects, Lya. Flies. They can be very annoying around food." A beautiful recovery, if I do say so myself. There was an audible laugh from the direction of my two oh so supportive team mates.

"Hi. Sir. Where will I put the ..." Carter's words stammered to a stop as she rounded the corner of the house and stopped dead, open-mouthed. I couldn't blame her. We had one grey naked alien, a woman with a forest growing out of her head, an armour covered warrior holding a large weapon, two women in robes - one extremely scantily clad, and a puce colored general. I think that it was the puce colored general that shocked her the most.

"Happy birthday, Jack. Having a good day?" Jacob Carter took the bowls of salad from his daughter and placed them on the table. He let his gaze wander around the gathering and turned back to me with a grin the size of Texas.

I could hear George on his cell phone, issuing rapid orders. Something about cordoning off the house. My new neighbors had already scrubbed me from their Christmas card list. This would be the icing on the cake as far as they were concerned.

"Hey. Great party, Uncle Jack. Going to introduce me?' Cassie was practically bouncing with excitement. She and the Doc must have just gotten through before the cordon was thrown up. "Here, I got you this." She thrust a parcel wrapped in brightly patterned paper into my hands before I could even answer. "Open it. Now."

"What is that, O'Neill?" Bra'tac eyed the box with a suspicious stare. They obviously didn't go in for gift wrapping on Chulak.

"It's a gift, Master Bra'tac" Teal'c came to stand next to the Jaffa. "It is tradition for the guests to give a small token to the person whose birthday it is."

"Now that you remind me, here you go Jack." Jacob tossed an envelope in my general direction. I managed to catch it while still holding on to Cassie's box.

"Open mine first, Uncle Jack." Jacob smiled at the glare that he received from the teenager and gave a nod for me to go ahead.

I walked over to the table and carefully unwrapped the parcel, watched by an interested crowd that looked like something out of a Barnum and Bailey circus. Somehow Jacob, Bra'tac and Thor had managed to acquire beer bottles and were sipping at them with varying degrees of pleasure. I gave Daniel a quick look, trying desperately to warn him to watch Thor, but he seemed to be studiously avoiding my eyes.

I finally unfurled the gift from its cocoon of wrapping paper and tissue and held it up. A black T-shirt was revealed. Emblazoned across the front was a picture of Thor with the words "I lost my spaceship in a poker game and now all I have is this lousy T-shirt."

Ever wanted to bang your head against something until you were unconscious?

The general hilarity from the human contingent was in direct contrast to the puzzled silence from most of the aliens.

I glared at the Doc and she managed to control her giggles enough to speak. "Don't look at me, sir. She's old enough to pick her own presents these days."

"I do not understand, O'Neill. I thought that your government desired to keep our existence a secret. Will not the wearing of this apparel endanger that?" Thor was peering closely at the shirt. "Also I am confused as to why you would wish to wear an image of an Asgard."

It suddenly occurred to me - perhaps Thor couldn't read English? Before anyone could explain the joke to him, I picked up Jacob's envelope. Maybe I could distract them. I had the flap half way open when a horrible thought struck me, Jacob's sense of humor was even worse than Cassie's. I looked up at the expectant faces and realised that I had to open it now. No choice. Jacob had seen my hesitation and gave me a very Teal'c-like lift of his eyebrow.

My heart in my mouth, I pulled a piece of paper from the envelope and read it. It was with great relief that I found myself holding a ticket to a concert - Mozart. Cool.

After that I started to relax a little and actually began to enjoy myself. That was until Thor approached me while I was turning the hamburgers.

"I contacted Chaka and..." I think that for one brief second my heart actually stopped beating. A Unas. Here. In my garden.

I must have looked a little pale because he hurried on. "Unfortunately he wasn't able to come. I am sorry if it upsets you. Perhaps I could..."

"No!" I don't know what he was going to suggest, but whatever it was, I didn't want to know. I must have startled him, because he took a step back.

A warm hand wrapped itself around my upper arm. "General O'Neill. You seem troubled. Is there anything that I can do to help?" The gentle warmth of her breath felt soft across the back of my neck. For just one brief moment I leaned into her before reality hit.

Crap!

Anise! Or Freya? Or... Oh whatever!

I stiffened up and took a step sideways - straight into Bra'tac.

"Careful, human, or I may forget that this celebration is in your honour."

Being at the receiving end of one of Master Bra'tac's stares is not a good feeling. After apologising profusely I retreated back to the relative peace of the BBQ, where Daniel had taken over and was doing a fine job avoiding everyone while turning the food. I managed to wrestle the tongs from his hand, even though he did cling to them rather desperately. I think that my muttering of "My tongs. My food. My party." were the deciding factor as he relinquished them and backed away slowly.

I had a few wonderful minutes of peace before Lya smiled and walked towards me. Now Lya I could cope with. She wasn't going to jump on me and stick a tongue down my throat. She wouldn't threaten me with grievous bodily harm. She wouldn't laugh at me - I was looking over at the Carters and Fraisers as I thought this.

She wouldn't spoil my birthday party.

"General O'Neill, I wanted to wish..." She stopped as her gaze fell on the food. I'm sure that I saw her face blanch. "They are flesh?"

Peachy. Should have guessed. Vegetarian.

Lya managed a strangled "Excuse me," before gliding away towards the trees at the edge of my property in what for her was a run.

At least Thor seemed to be enjoying himself. He was happily chatting away with George and Garshaw. Somehow even Garshaw had acquired a drink, she was holding a glass of white wine and, if I hadn't known better I could have sworn that she was giving George some very interested looks. He had a smile that I hadn't seen from him at all lately - fond. Umm! At least someone was enjoying themselves.

It really wasn't fair. It isn't much to ask - to be able to just relax and enjoy yourself on your birthday.

I poked at the steadily blackening meat and made a conscious effort not to start on a third beer. This was really turning into a sucky day.

It wasn't until we had all sat down around the table that I noticed that someone was missing.

Lya.

The last time that I had seen her, she had been heading for the trees. I don't know who was more worried, Hammond or I. Obviously the thought of a Nox wandering around Colorado Springs wasn't filling George with happiness, any more than it was me. I tried my best to get the aliens to go and wait in the house while we went looking for her. Bra'tac didn't take at all kindly to the suggestion.

"I will not hide like a frightened child," he declared, his look scathing. "I will assist with the search."

It took the combined persuasion of myself, Teal'c and George to get him to agree not to come. We left Thor, Garshaw and Bra'tac sitting in front of my copy of 'The Wizard of Oz' under the watchful eye of Doc Fraiser and Cassie. Anise said that she was 'tired' and was already stretched out on my bed before we had even left. I didn't argue - I SO did not want to go there, but I did give myself a mental nudge to remember to change the sheets.

We divided up to search - Jacob, Daniel and I taking the large expanse of forest bordering my property, and Hammond, Carter and Teal'c taking to the surrounding streets. I could just picture Lya wandering blindly across a busy street or getting totally lost up in the hills. My imagination was in overdrive.

Remind me to never have a birthday party again.

It just isn't worth it.

After about forty minutes of traipsing through the woods, we finally stumbled across the Nox woman. Literally - I did, tripping and falling flat on my face. She had been sitting under a large tree, almost completely blending in with the foliage when I dropped gracelessly at her feet. Spitting dirt and dead leaves from my mouth I looked up to see her smile brightly, her head cocked to one side like a inquisitive animal.

"When the heart is weary nature cries for notice."

Crap! Just what I needed to round off an otherwise perfect day. Trite sayings.

I couldn't resist. I groped my way to my knees and answered, my voice brimming with sincerity.

"Although a tree falls in the forest my screams cannot be heard."

This time Jacob didn't even try to conceal his laughter. The loud bellows echoed across through the trees, scaring off any wildlife in the vicinity. After he was able to control himself, he came over to me and put an arm around my shoulder.

"Come on, Jack. I think that it's time we got back to the party," The whole walk back was punctuated by the kind of sniggers and giggles that I do not associate with an ex Air Force general. Even Daniel seemed to be getting in on the act, holding his hand across his mouth and giving me sideways glances with absolutely no pity in them.

No pity at all.

The house was totally silent as we approached it. Even the television was quiet. Something felt 'off' somehow and I glanced over at Jacob to see if he had picked up on it. Daniel and Lya were behind us, engrossed in a fascinating conversation about some civilization of other that the Nox had had some contact with. She seemed none the worse for her adventures in the woods as she held her dress slightly up to allow it to clear the small branches on the ground. Jacob seemed completely unconcerned.

I opened the door cautiously. I don't know what I expected. After the day that I had had Anubis could have been waiting, gift clutched in bony hands.

It wasn't Anubis.

There was a large cake ablaze with candles sitting on the coffee table. A chorus of "Happy Birthday" was being called from the people standing facing me, all with large grins on their faces.

"Here, sir." Carter thrust a champagne glass into my hand and I almost spilt it as Cassie pulled me towards the cake.

"Blow them out before they get wax everywhere," she urged.

As I bent down, I noticed that there were only ten or so candles tastefully arranged around the edges of the chocolate cake. I was relieved. I had been worried about my smoke detectors if the true number had been put on it. Mind you, they probably wouldn't have been able to fit them all.

I blew hard, making sure that all the candles were put out in the one go. And as far as wishes go - I couldn't think of a single thing that I wanted to wish for. I seemed to have everything right there with me.

"Enjoying yourself a bit more now, Jack?"

I smiled back at the General. "I am now, George. I'm sorry about today."

"Nothing to be sorry for, Jack." George interrupted.

"No - nothing." Jacob Carter came to stand next to me, accompanied by Thor and Bra'tac. They were each holding a plate of birthday cake and I was glad to see that Bra'tac had left his staff weapon leaning against a side wall.

"Did you enjoy your present, O'Neill?" Thor asked looking up at me.

Had I missed something?

A present from the Asgard?

I tried to think of something to say, but my mind was blank - something that seemed to be happening more and more as this day went on.

Fortunately Thor continued without waiting for an answer. "I thought that seeing you had been so kind as to give me lessons in Earth culture, I would do the same for you. Did you like your lesson in Asgard humor?"

I wonder if a blank mind is a curable medical condition? I had the sudden desire to go get the Doc and ask her. Maybe lie down. For a very long time.

Bra'tac had that glint in his eyes that made me want to grab for the nearest gun. "Do not look so worried, human. I am sure that eventually you will work it out."

Huh?

Then Thor put me out of my misery.

"When I mentioned to Jacob Carter that you had invited us to your party, he suggested that it might be an opportune time to teach you something of our favorite type of humor. He informed me that on Earth it is called 'practical jokes' and that you would enjoy the experience." Thor was obviously very happy with himself.

"Jacob and Commander Thor came to me and we worked out the details - with Master Bra'tac's help of course."

"I can take credit for very little. It was you, Hammond of Texas who refined the plan and coordinated it." Bra'tac and George gave each other mutual little congratulatory bows.

I felt like throwing something at them.

It had all been a set up!

I managed a few words. "Who else was in on it?" I glared over at my team, innocently sipping from their glasses and eating forkfuls of cake.

"Now don't go getting upset with them, Jack." Jacob took me by the arm and led me to a chair. "It was just the four of us." He grinned widely. "You have to admit that we got you good."

"This is to make up for your taking ten years off my life since you've been promoted, Jack. We thought that you deserved a bit of your own back." George was grinning as widely as Jacob. Then he raised his voice and spoke to the whole room. "I think that we should give General O'Neill his real present now, ladies and gentlemen."

Carter stepped forward, holding out a small plastic document holder. "We all put in and got you this, sir." She indicated Daniel and Teal'c. "With General Hammond. Happy birthday."

I opened it, half expecting it to explode in my face.

Air tickets.

To...

I stared at the destination in amazement.

"You have four weeks leave, effective immediately. And, this time, I expect it to be taken," George ordered, smiling at the look on my face.

He didn't need to order me. This time nothing was going to stop me.

* * *


	12. Not Waving, Pointing

Not Waving, Pointing

by Flatkatsi

* * *

I watched him cross the room, coming towards me. He was smiling.

I wasn't.

"Jack."

Was it only because I knew him that I found the smile insincere? Then I felt Teal'c stiffen next to me, and knew that I hadn't been mistaken.

I didn't answer him

"Going to introduce me?" He gestured towards my companions.

"No." I saw no point in mincing words.

He nodded as if he hadn't expected anything else.

"So, what are you up to these days, Jack? Live around here?"

I threw some money on the table, far too much I'm sure, and stood up bringing Teal'c to his feet with me. Daniel sat confused for a second before getting up, looking apologetic. I gave him a quick shake of my head and left without a backward glance.

"What was that all about, Jack?" Daniel hurried his steps and caught up just as I reached the exit.

"Drop it, Daniel" I wasn't in the mood for explanations, even if I could have given him any. "This way." I turned to the right and walked off down the pavement.

"Jack? The parking lot is that way." Daniel still hadn't got it.

"We aren't going to my truck. We're getting a cab." I strode around the corner as quickly as I could, risking a fast glance back.

No sign of him.

Daniel opened his mouth as if to ask another question, before obviously thinking better of it. I waved my hand, and a passing cab pulled up. I wasn't naive enough to think that we weren't being watched, so I gave the driver an address on the other side of town, where we split up. I left the others, warning Daniel not to go straight home, and checked that they weren't being followed. Then I made my very careful, and circuitous route back to my house.

* * *

It shouldn't have been a shock, but it had been. My nefarious past had come back and bitten me on the backside. Everything I had done had been under the orders of my superiors, but I couldn't really excuse myself. I had followed those orders; no one else and ultimately the resulting actions were my responsibility. I accepted my past, but I didn't exactly want to broadcast its details to the world, and certainly not to my teammates. I knew that they suspected that some of the stuff that I had done hadn't left me exactly lily white, but they'd never asked.

Then Nolan had shown up. Was it just a coincidence, or had he tracked me down? And if he had deliberately come here, what did he want?

I sat, my hands around my coffee cup, and thought long and hard about my options. There weren't a lot. I had to find out what he was doing here.

So I reached for the phone, and made a few calls.

* * *

I went to Hammond, first thing the next day. He needed to be told. There weren't many things that he didn't know about me, but some of my work with Special Ops was so highly classified that I knew that even the General didn't have access to the records.

He must have been able to tell something from my face, because he gestured to me to close the door of his office. I took the seat opposite, and began.

It had all hinged on my 'special' skills. Somehow, I had managed to acquire a special talent for something that several government agencies could use. CIA, FBI, ATF, and some other acronyms that the average citizens were unaware even existed, - they all had used my talent over the years. It wasn't something that I was proud of, and it was certainly something that I had never consciously sought, but I seemed to have a special knack - for killing. You want someone quietly got rid of; Jack O'Neill's your man. Terrorists were the favourite targets. A quick shot from a far away rooftop, a quiet knife across the throat, I used any number of methods to carry out my orders. I hadn't enjoyed it, but I had followed orders without argument. It was what I had been trained to do.

I'd done some damned distasteful things in my time, I had hoped those times were far behind me. I had been the person I had to be...then...now I was different, and I wanted it to stay that way.

As I spoke, George sat, silently, his elbows on the top of his desk, his face emotionless. I didn't go into details - just enough of the facts to give him some idea of what I had done, what I had lived with all these years. Some had been on foreign soil, some here at home, but they had all had official sanction.

Somehow that didn't make me feel any better about it.

For years I had walked on that thin razor's edge between right and wrong, between black and white. Just when I had thought that I had built up a sweet little life here at the SGC, along came Nolan to knock it all down.

I wasn't going to let him.

I kept some things back from George, some things that I didn't want to remember, let alone talk about, and some things that were still so sensitive that I knew I would be jeopardising his career if I told him.

I told him about Nolan.

Nolan had been my contact. He had handed me the information, answered any questions that I needed to ask. I knew more about him than he ever suspected, making it my business to find out. He had worked for one of those shadowy agencies that I was ordered to help occasionally. I had never trusted him, he asked too many questions. Questions that he hadn't needed the answers to.

The fact that he was here, sniffing around, was worrying to say the least. Damn it, there were things that I didn't want to remember, much less let my team know.

It was bad enough I had to tell Hammond.

I finished my sorry tale, and raised my gaze to met George's eyes. Neither of us said anything for while. His face was closed, unreadable, and that was enough to tell me what I needed to know.

I really shouldn't have expected anything more.

He cleared his throat, and spoke in a low voice, "I understand that you were under orders, Jack. I've been ordered to do some things that I've not been comfortable with too. That doesn't mean that I have to like it, but I can live with it. The important thing now is to find out exactly what this man wants. Do you have any idea?"

I gave him what little information I had been able to find out from my sources. Nolan had dropped out of sight about five years ago, and there had been rumours that he had set himself up in an independent operation. Several high profile political assassinations had been linked to his name, but nothing that could be proven. What he was doing in the Springs was as much a mystery to my sources as it was to me.

The General and I decided on a course of action. I was due to go off world with my team for a few days, a quick little mission to a world that we had visited a few months ago. While I was gone, George would use his own, very different contacts, to try and get more information. My absence would give us some breathing space.

I didn't like leaving everything in George's hands. It wasn't that I didn't trust him, it was just that I felt responsible, plus I couldn't shake the feeling that I was running away from the problem, and I have never liked running away.

* * *

Four days later we stepped back through the gate, laughing, and pleased to be home. I hadn't forgotten what was waiting for me, but I had managed to put it into a small compartment in my mind, to be dealt with when the time was right.

From the look on General Hammond's face, the time was right now.

I followed him to his office, ignoring the puzzled looks from my team.

He came straight to the point.

"I received some disturbing news from my contacts, Jack. It seems that Nolan was asking about you in certain circles. He's been trying to find you for months."

I sat down in one of his visitor chairs and tried to work this through in my mind. It was easier to speculate out loud. "As far as I'm aware, he didn't know that I was Air Force. I kept our contacts as brief as possible." I remembered the distaste I felt every time I received my orders, the sick feeling in my stomach as I brought myself to open the sealed package, and pull out the photo. My one consolation - that I was just following orders - had become harder and harder to justify. I remembered the revulsion that Nolan's face had brought when I saw it in the restaurant.

I didn't want to have anything to do with him. Ever.

"Well you must have some pretty loyal friends. From what my contacts can tell he only managed to get the information that you were here in Colorado last month. As far as I can work out, he knows that you're in the Air Force and based here, but that's as far as it goes." He ran a hand over his chin, his expression worried. "How do you want to play this? You obviously have more experience with this sort of thing."

I knew exactly how I wanted to play it. I wanted to take my P90 and blast the bastard to kingdom come, but somehow I didn't think that would go down too well with George.

I sighed. "I can't hide from him forever. He's probably got my address by now; at the very least he's watching the base. There's really only one thing that I can do. Confront him and find out what he wants." I felt my heart beginning to thump in my chest as I thought of the possible consequences of my decision.

If my team found out.

First things first. Get Nolan to contact me. I would have to deal with any fallout if, and when, it happened.

I just wanted Nolan gone.

Permanently.

* * *

There is an old Chinese curse, 'May you live in interesting times.' I must have really annoyed Fate. The times that I have lived in have always been interesting, and they were becoming more interesting by the minute.

I managed to get out of the mountain without attracting the suspicions of my team. Pleading fatigue, I begged off the invitation to go out for a meal and headed home. Sure enough, he was waiting.

He hadn't changed much in the years since I had seen him last. A little leaner perhaps, if that were possible. Hair thinning, face lined. He looked as fit as ever, like he could still handle himself.

I didn't pretend to be surprised to see him. I motioned him into the house, placing my keys on the hall table. We walked together into the kitchen. I opened the fridge and handed him a beer.

I made my move as he opened it.

It was the work of a couple of seconds to have him hard up against the wall, my knife at his throat. The bottle smashed on the hard tiles, a waste of good beer.

"What do you want, Nolan?" I kept myself calm, my voice emotionless. I let my actions speak my fury.

"I need your help, Jack."

"I don't want to hear it. I'm not interested in anything that you have to say." The blade drew a line of bright red blood against his skin. There's something about knives. Something that I have felt ever since my time with Ba'al. They aren't just tools any more. Not just weapons.

They were friends.

He gasped out a short breath and tried to push away. I pressed down harder.

I remembered what it felt like to hold someone's life in my hands, except this time I actually wanted to take it. It would be so easy. I could make him just disappear. I could do that. I still had the contacts.

I eased the pressure, and stepped back a little.

He lifted his hand and wiped it across his throat, his eyes catching the blood staining his fingers. "Is that any way to greet an old friend, Jack?"

It took all my effort not to kill him where he stood. Only the thought of the mess stopped me. "You are leaving. Now."

"Why? Don't you want to be associated with me, Jack? Scared I might muddy your clean record, huh?"

This man obviously had a death wish.

"I'm not as clean as you think, you'd do well to remember that." His eyes darted between my knife and my face - he was trying to hide the fear, and he wasn't succeeding. "What brought you out of your scummy little hole, Nolan? What's important enough to make you ignore the death threat that I left you with the last time I saw you? I do remember it you know. And if you don't leave by the count of three, I might just exercise it."

He pulled his hand from his throat and straightened up. I'll say one thing for the man - he was never a coward.

"I have a job that I thought you might be interested in."

I could feel the knuckles tighten as I clenched the handle of the knife. The only thing restraining me was the thought that I needed to find out who the target was. Maybe if I could save this one life, it would go some way towards atoning for all the others that I had taken over the years.

"Just why do you think that I'd be interested." I spat out the words. "You've obviously been snooping around, so you know I'm Air Force. I don't do that sort of thing anymore."

"That's exactly why I thought that you would be interested. I found out about you, Jack. Found out about you being Special Ops when we worked together. Then you dropped out of sight. And here you are, sitting at a desk, stuck inside a damned mountain for days on end. What happened? They decided that you couldn't cut it after Iraq?"

I didn't flinch. I wanted to, but I didn't. He knew much more about me than I had imagined. Iraq. He didn't know how true his words were. Iraq had been the reason why they stopped lending me out. After my time as a POW they obviously thought that I wasn't suitable for that type of work, that I couldn't cut it anymore. I had become a liability and they tried to bury me, watching my every reaction, my every move. It had taken a while for them to post me to a combat unit again and I was never given another special assignment.

I didn't bother disillusioning them. I never told them that my experiences in the prison in Iraq had more than qualified me for killing. That I spent night after night dreaming of more and more inventive ways to kill. But I had been glad to get out of their world of dirty missions and acts that bordered on the illegal. I didn't want anything more to do with them.

Still didn't.

Nolan had no idea who he was dealing with. He thought that I was some stressed out desk jockey, itching to get some action to relief the boredom.

The doorbell rang loud in the silence.

We stood, Nolan and I, watching each other.

It rang again.

The lights were on. My truck was in the drive. There was no point trying to pretend that I wasn't home. Shit!

I opened the door to find exactly who I had expected.

"Hi, Jack. We thought that you might change your mind about dinner."

I kept the door half closed and took a few steps out. "No, Daniel. Like I said, I'm tired. I'm going to have an early night."

The sound of the fridge opening could be heard clearly in the evening quiet.

"Are you not alone, O'Neill?" Teal'c moved to look around me. I moved to stop him.

"No. I have company." I saw the reaction. The speculation.

Carter was the first to take to hint. The fact that I hadn't invited them in clinched it. "Sorry, General. We'll get going then. If you change your mind call my cell, and we'll let you know where we are." I could see that she didn't think that would happen.

The minute that they were gone, I was back into the kitchen. To say that I was livid was definitely an understatement.

"You bastard. You did that on purpose."

"Just a reminder, General." He emphasised the rank, and I knew straight away that it had come as a surprise to him. That must have been one piece of information that he hadn't managed to ferret out. "A reminder of what you could lose if those friends of yours knew what you were hiding." He stood, smiling confidently now. Sure that he had me. "I'll contact you with the details tomorrow, Jack. Make sure that you don't miss the call."

It was a threat, and I knew it. Trouble was - he was right. Carter and Daniel would never understand. Hell - I didn't really understand it myself.

And in that moment, I knew. I would never be free of him unless I did something about it.

* * *

"General." I stood in front of George's desk the next morning, waiting while he finished what he was doing.

"Take a seat, Jack." He paused while I pulled out the chair before continuing. "I take it that Nolan contacted you."

"Yes, sir. And that's what I need to speak with you about."

"Did he tell you what he wanted?"

"No, just that he had a job. He's going to contact me today with the details."

George frowned. "But why would he think that you would be willing to do it?"

This was it.

"Remember back a few years, when I said that you might have to buy my soul back some day."

He smiled, "Yes. That incident with Maybourne." I could see that he had misunderstood me, taken it as a joke, which was exactly what I had intended at the time.

"I'm calling in that favour, George."

The smile slipped from his face at my tone. It slipped even further when I told him the sordid details.

They were never routine, the jobs that I was given. No matter how many times I did it, killing was never routine. Even now, with the enemies that we had to deal with, I still felt regret at taking life. Especially innocent life.

It had been in one of those little countries that you see mentioned on TV, and think how lucky you are not to live there. I suppose that if I had thought about it at all, I could have justified what I had been ordered to do by knowing that it would help to bring down a dictatorship that was causing the deaths of thousands. But I didn't think about it. Maybe if I had I would have realised that I had been given the wrong information.

Nolan.

The man that I shot died quickly and painlessly. That was more than could be said of the people executed because of my actions. The assassination of such a high-powered member of the government was all that the president needed to move against his opposition.

I killed the wrong man. The blood of those poor tortured people stained my hands. I had lived with the knowledge for years.

That had been the last assignment I was given before leaving for the Middle East. I had left Nolan with an arm broken in three places, and the clear understanding that I never wanted to see him again.

General Hammond was the first person that I had ever told about it. Now he knew the hold that Nolan had over me.

This time his eyes didn't meet mine. This time there wasn't the reassuring look, the look of understanding.

"This is a lot for me to digest, Jack." George's tone made it clear that he wanted to do the digesting without my presence.

I tried not to think of George's parting words, tried not to think of the look on his face, and went through the motions, acting as if everything was normal for the rest of the day. I was in a meeting when the call came. Pentagon number crunchers in suits, me on my best behaviour, my stomach churning. We were just finishing up. I made my excuses and left them to it, pulling the phone out of my pants pocket as I walked.

"O'Neill."

"Meet me in half an hour, Jack. At that park near your place." His voice was cocky, much too sure of himself. "Oh, and General, make sure that you aren't late. I don't like being kept waiting." There was a dull click as the phone was disconnected.

Bastard.

I slung my jacket over my shoulder and hurried towards the elevator, loosening my tie as I walked.

I almost made it.

"General O'Neill." Teal'c rounded the corner of the corridor and hurried to catch up with me. "Daniel Jackson suggested that you join us in Major Carter's lab. She has an interesting theory regarding the Goa'uld presence on PH7-Z03 that she wishes to impart."

"Sorry, Teal'c. Can't do it right now." I couldn't help glancing down at my watch. "Maybe later."

"She seems to think that it is quite important."

"It'll have to wait." The elevator doors opened, and I jumped in. "Tell her I'll call later." I saw the surprise on his face as the doors shut.

Crap!

The trip up to the surface had never seemed so long. When I finally emerged out into the bright afternoon sunshine of a clear fine day, I squinted and reached for my sunglasses, moving rapidly towards my truck.

"Jack!" All three of them were there following me out. "Wait up."

It was then that I saw him. Standing at the gate in broad daylight, a smile on his face. Taunting me. Knowing that I could only do one thing.

Scum-sucking bastard.

Flinging the truck door open, I ignored my team and sped off, just in time to see him, in his own vehicle, pull out ahead of me.

We drove together, down the mountain, and through the quiet streets. By the time we reached the park I was beyond incensed. I had reached that cold place in my heart where true anger lies.

He was waiting on a park bench, behind the stand of tall trees the children so liked to play in when the weather was warmer. We were alone, just the two of us in the dusk, the shadows growing longer as the sun began to set.

"I hope that you've been thinking about what I said, General O'Neill." He looked me up and down, a smug grin on his face. "I wonder what the people who gave you all those medals would think if they knew what you had done. How many people you've killed. Do you miss the thrill of it, Jack? Do you miss the feeling when you take a life? You must have gotten use to it - how many was it? Ten? More? How many executions that even I don't know about? How many mistakes? How many other innocent victims of your knife or your gun? Do you lie awake at night and wish that you still lived that life? That you were still a paid killer?"

I couldn't hold myself back any longer. "This time I don't need to be paid, Nolan. I'll happily kill you for nothing." I drew my Beretta from under my jacket and pressed it against his temple. "This time I will enjoy it."

There was a soft gasp from behind me, near the trees. I turned and saw the shocked faces of my friends. I saw Daniel's eyes meet my own; the question in them tore my soul.

Eyes that would never see me the same way again

TBC


	13. Shedding Skin

Shedding Skin

by Flatkatsi

* * *

I stormed down the corridor, ignoring the curious glances from the passing personnel, my mind in turmoil.

How was I going to fix this? Just how the hell was I ever going to fix this? The thin veneer covering my past had been stripped away, and my friends had finally seen me for what I was.

I scrubbed my hand across my face as I walked, thinking back to the scene in the park. Nolan,.stunned,. my gun at his head. My team, totally shocked by what they had found.

And me? I'd had to force myself not to pull that trigger. Not to blow the brains out of the evil minded bastard who had just done more to ruin my life than all the Goa'uld combined.

Only the look on Carter's face had stopped me.

As soon as I lowered my weapon, Nolan turned tail and ran. Moments later, the sound of his car engine came to me through the trees.

I hadn't hung around to see the condemnation in the faces staring at me. I had taken a leaf from Nolan's book, and fled without a word.

Without any destination in mind, I found myself back here at the mountain. I was like a homing pigeon, always returning to the same roost no matter how far away it had been. Always returning home.

But now I felt like the wolf in the fold, the cat amongst the canaries. Like I was impersonating someone that I was not, someone good and honest. Someone clean. I felt like I had lost my soul all over again, but this time Ba'al hadn't taken it. This time I had lost it through my own actions.

The NORAD firing range was half full. The Gunnery Sergent was obviously surprised to see me. He looked down at his booking sheet before pointing me towards a vacant spot. He looked even more surprised when I pulled the Beretta from my dress uniform jacket and started shooting. The sound of rapid gunfire rent the air, each round connecting, in my mind's eye, with the smiling face of Nolan. Bullet after bullet sped its way towards the head of the target, until the clip was empty. I saw with satisfaction that they had all hit right between the cardboard eyes.

I felt slightly better.

I turned to leave. It was only then that the silence registered. Every eye was on me - the general in his dress uniform, the small concise hole into which every bullet had flown, the look in my eyes.

If my reputation hadn't already preceded me it would now.

* * *

I went straight to Hammond. There are some people that you know that you can trust under any circumstances, and George is one of them. He needed to know what had happened.

And, to be honest, I knew that I needed to talk this out with someone. Someone who understood.

I knocked on his door, and received a quick permission to enter, only to find myself confronted by a scene that chilled my blood.

SG-1 stood in the General's office, questions painting their faces. Teal'c's was calm, perhaps a little worry furrowing his brow. Daniel was a little shocked, his eyes looking up at me, widening, before looking away.

But it was Carter that wrenched my heart. She had obviously been the leader of the little party that led them here to the General's office. Her face was accusing, beyond shocked, she looked as if I had done the unthinkable.

Oh, shit.

"Have a seat, General." George waved me to a chair. "I think we need to have a talk."

I dropped into the seat, totally unable to think of anything to say. Carter's eyes followed me like a hawk eyeing prey. My anger still burned deep inside me. This was so not fair, they shouldn't judge.

She shouldn't judge.

I had my reasons. I had my orders. It had been a different time.

A different Jack.

I raised my eyes and met her stare. "What do you want to know?"

Her eyes flickered at my sudden abrupt question. It was Daniel who spoke first. It was always Daniel. "Who was that man, Jack? What were you doing?"

That's when Hammond coughed, taking some of the attention from me. His eyes caught mine, and I realised I was between a rock and a hard place, classification still stood. I was on my own on this one. Unable to give them the details, but needing to give them some answers.

I hesitated for a moment longer, swallowed, and attempted to speak, but my throat got caught on my tongue, and I only ended up coughing. Carter's eyes bore into the top of my head as I bent over, trying to catch my breath, and my anger flared once more. I found myself answering more sharply than I had intended.

"It was an old acquaintance, Daniel."

"A friend, Jack? It didn't look like you were being very friendly."

Shit. Why did life always have to be so hard?

"You seemed to know him quite well, O'Neill." Teal'c's calm voice cut through the uncomfortable silence in the room.

"Know him, yes, Teal'c, I did. I just wish I didn't." My answer raised a few eyebrows. I could see from their reaction that they needed more.

Damn.

"I worked with him for a time." I looked over towards George, seeing him listening carefully. "I can't tell you the details, it's classified."

Carter spoke for the first time; her voice very controlled. "Convenient, General." Her tone was like ice. "We heard what he said, sir, and we didn't hear you deny it"

I stared up at her. "That's because I couldn't deny it, Major"

I couldn't believe that her eyes could get any colder, but they did. There was a sharp intake of breath from Daniel, but Teal'c showed no reaction what so ever. I stared at the Jaffa, using him as a bastion of strength in these troubled waters. Teal'c stared back, and I suddenly understood. His past was as stained as my own. There was a depth of understanding in his eyes that spoke volumes, but the heat boring into the side of my head brought my thoughts inexorably back to Sam Carter. She would not understand.

But she would have to.

Hammond finally spoke "Last week General O'Neill was contacted by this person. We believe that he may be involved in criminal activity. Upon mutual consultation it was decided that we should seek further information from the individual. It was this meeting that you witnessed. All I can ask is that SG-1 co-operates in this exercise."

"It didn't look like a meeting from where I stood, sir." Carter's voice was accusing. "It looked more like General O'Neill was about to get rid of an annoyance." Her eyes left my own to turn to Hammond. "I'm not sure I want to be involved in this mission, General." The temperature in the room dropped several more degrees. George's eyes snapped back to my face.

"Sam?" Daniel sounded worried, but Carter was now ignoring everyone but Hammond, she didn't take her eyes from the General's as she replied. "You heard what was said Daniel. Am I the only person who has a problem with it?" She stood to attention. "Permission to be excused, sir."

Hammond looked a little shocked, but nodded his ascent, and she stalked out without a backward glance.

Leaving me behind, my temper barely in check.

Oh, God. Was I going to lose the team over this?

* * *

Carter's abrupt departure left me with a very bad taste in my mouth. I sat looking at the door of the briefing room as it closed behind her, not really sure how to react.

But as the temperature in the room suddenly heated up, I realised that I had already reacted.

Badly.

I was furious. Totally and utterly livid.

How many ways are there for a general to be angry? I could count at least fifteen - and that was only in English.

Forget the other languages I knew.

Irked.

Peeved.

Peeved didn't cut it really.

Deep breath, Jack. Don't let it get to you. Don't let them see that they had finally made a crack in the façade that was O'Neill, hardhearted military man.

Hardhearted bastard.

Don't let them see that I cared. That would make me vulnerable. Keep the anger; use it to your advantage.

Any advantage helped in war, and, make no mistake about it, this was a war that I was determined to win.

Daniel was the first one to break the silence.

"What's going on, Jack? You can't just leave us in the dark like this. From where I'm standing it sounds like you have more in your past than just a few classified missions. Something that you were prepared to kill to hide." His voice was more upset than angry - hurt even.

It was General Hammond who answered. "General O'Neill has nothing that he needs to be ashamed of, Doctor Jackson. What he did, he did because he was asked to by his country." He glanced over at me as I shifted uncomfortably in my chair. " No - not asked, ordered. Yes, he has killed, but never did he do anything unsanctioned by the Air Force." He paused then continued. "At no time have I lost faith in the capabilities and honour of Jack O'Neill. Dr Jackson, you should know as much yourself."

I found that I couldn't raise my eyes, couldn't look at them. What would they see if I did? Would they see the man that they had known for so many years, worked so closely with, their friend, or would they see the man from the park, the killer of men? I couldn't look.

"I have never doubted that, General Hammond." Teal'c's deep voice broke the silence. "General O'Neill is an honourable man, one that I am proud to call friend."

"Jack." It was Daniel again. "Jack?" I found myself looking up into his anxious, worried face. "I don't care what anyone says, I know you. Whatever he accused you of, whatever you have done in the past, you had a reason for, and if the reason was good enough for you, then its good enough for me."

"Why, Daniel?"

"Because I trust you, Jack." His answer was simple, but it grabbed my heart and squeezed.

* * *

I left the others in George's office, still hunting for more information on Nolan and any possible target. Hammond's total support had stunned me. With a few phone calls he had obtained permission for me to tell Daniel and Teal'c as much as I could, as much as was needed. It had been hard. I had found myself revealing more about my past than I had ever wanted to remember, let alone tell anyone.

Neither of them had questioned. They had both accepted what I said - the reasons that I gave. Teal'c I could understand, but Daniel - I don't think that I will ever forget the feeling of relief when I realised that he had meant what he said. He trusted me. He had heard me tell them of the things that I had done, and he still trusted me.

Now there was only one hurdle left.

Carter.

She was exactly where I had expected to find her- in her lab surrounded by bits and pieces of alien machinery, her hair messed up and sticking out all over. She had heard me come in, I knew she had, but she kept twisting a piece of metal, trying to fit it into some sort of boxlike object. I waited, my anger, lost in the wonder of Daniel's words, growing once again.

Finally I had had enough.

"Major Carter." It was a command, not a request.

She jumped up, her training kicking in. "Yes, sir?"

"What excuse do you have for that little display in the General's office?"

Her face flushed, but I'll give her this, she stood her ground. "I would rather not discuss it, General."

"We will discuss it, Carter. Here and now. I want to know what gives you the right to judge me. Why you couldn't even be bothered with an explanation before condemning me." My voice rose as my anger grew. "You have no right, Major. No right at all."

"That's where you're wrong. I have every right, sir." She spat out the words, her eyes flashing. "I watched my parent's marriage fall apart because of my father's involvement in just the sort of missions that you accepted so easily. I watched the arguments and the hurt silence. I watched my father change. And then my mother was killed, and I found out why my father hadn't gone to pick her up like he had promised, why he hadn't been there." She took a step closer to me. "Was it really your son's death that killed your marriage, General, or was it already dead? Was it just the last straw for your wife, like it was for my mother? Did your killing murder your marriage?"

My mind went totally blank for a moment, empty, but then the emptiness began to fill with rage, a fury, and as I stared down at the woman in front of me, a red haze blurred my vision. I felt rather than saw her stumble back from me, her hand going up to cover her mouth. I couldn't trust myself, couldn't trust what I might do.

I turned sharply and left, breathing hard.

I had to walk away.

I should have gone back to Teal'c and Daniel, but instead I went to my quarters and lay down on the bed, wound up so tight that I knew that I would snap at the slightest touch or errant look. That would not be a pretty sight, not a pretty sight at all.

My mind spun in circles, going over and over what Carter had said. She obviously had issues, was carrying a lot of baggage.

Well, she didn't need to off load it on me.

My marriage had been a happy and loving one, right up until that terrible day when my son had died. Sure, Sarah and I had gone through some bad patches, especially after my time in Iraq, but our love had been strong. It had died with our child.

Carter was wrong. Very wrong. And I was not sure that I could ever forgive her for her words.

I didn't know how long I lay there. At one point Daniel had knocked at the door, asking if I was inside, that he had news. I told him to go away.

Finally, I realised that hiding was useless. After a quick wash and a change of clothes, I opened the door, ready to face the world again.

Carter was sitting on the floor, back against the wall opposite my quarters. She stumbled to her feet, her face white.

"What do you want, Major?" My fury was still incandescent.

"I need to speak to you, sir." She glanced around. "Privately."

I thought about ignoring her, but then gestured curtly with a nod of my head. "You better come in."

I shut the door after us, uncaring about how it might look. "Well?"

She was trembling. "I want to apologise, sir. I can't believe I said those things to you. God, I am so sorry."

I wasn't ready to forgive so easily. Things had been said that couldn't be glossed over with a quick apology. "What brought on this change of heart, Major?"

She just stood there, shaking her head, then spoke in a small voice "I was wrong, General, and I apologise. I'm afraid I have some issues regarding the sort of operations that you carried out, and I lashed out at you, unforgivablely. I'm sorry." Her voice broke into a sob. "You have never done anything to deserve what I said. I have nothing but respect for you, sir. I understand about following orders, I know that we have all done things that we regret."

"Yes, Carter, we have. But some of us have more to regret than others."

I wouldn't let her get to me. I wouldn't. I needed this fury, this pain. I needed to use it to bring Nolan down - hard.

"Come on. Daniel had some news he wanted to tell me earlier. Let's go see what it is." I kept my tone cool, professional. As we walked I could see her watching me out the corner of her eye, as if she wasn't sure how to handle my reaction. That's exactly the way I wanted it. We walked in silence the whole way.

The others had moved from George's office into the briefing room, where they would have more room. All three pairs of eyes turned to us as we entered, but one look at my face and they quickly turned back to what they were doing, that is except Hammond, he gave me a tight smile and stood, drawing me to the far side of the room with him.

"Are you okay, son?" He kept his voice low as he watched Carter moving to where the others sat. I knew what he was really asking.

"Sure. You know me, sir - water off a duck's back." I shrugged, unwilling to show my true feelings even to George.

He didn't seem happy with my answer, but he knew me, he really shouldn't have expected anything else. "We've found some information, Jack." We walked back to the table, still talking. "We may have found Nolan's target. Has he tried to reach you again?"

"Crap!" I pulled my cell out of my pocket. "I left it off." I quickly switched it on. Five messages - all from an increasingly annoyed Nolan. The final one demanded a meeting in the morning or he threatened to go public with what he had on me. I decided then and there that I would met him alright, but there was no way that I would ever do what he wanted.

My soul wasn't for sale.

"The target seems to be political, Jack." Daniel interrupted my thoughts. "We traced Nolan's movements. He made contact with a radical right wing group last week before coming straight here. We have a possible name."

I was surprised at how much they had achieved in such a short space of time. I glanced at each of them, in question. Teal'c was the one to explain. "General Hammond has made several phone calls to people whom he refers to as 'contacts'. They have been extremely helpful."

George looked at me, and I did a creditable impression of the Jaffa's raised eyebrow. "I called in a few favours, Jack."

I understood what that must have cost him. I am reluctant to ever have anything to do with my sources, and only use them when absolutely necessary. There was always a price on that sort of information, and sometimes it was too high to pay. Something of my thoughts must have showed on my face because George continued. "It only goes a small way to repay what I owe you, son."

"Who's the target?" So sue me, I'm not into big emotional scenes.

Daniel held up a picture.

Shit!

The Secretary of Defence, Arthur Simms. Simms was one of our staunchest supporters, and a man that I personally liked.

"Nolan must have done some digging, worked out that you can get close to him." Carter looked as stunned as I felt.

Maybe, maybe not. I wondered if he had found some reference to me in his research on Simms, a clue that had set him on my trail and lead him to me by luck more than cleverness, after all, he hadn't known much about my career since his last contact with me. He probably just decided to use whatever tool came available - me.

So Nolan was trying to send me on what was essentially a suicide mission.

"How do you want to handle this, Jack?" George made it clear that the decision was in my hands.

"I'll have to meet Nolan. What happens then will be up to him." Carter lowered her eyes when I said that. She knew full well what I meant, and wasn't comfortable with it. "I do know that we can't let him continue, even if it means exposing some things better left hidden." Those eyes looked up at me. I stared back.

I was going to keep true to myself and damn the consequences.

* * *

I don't know about the others but I barely got any sleep that night. Every time I started to drift off, images came crashing in, images of times I had done my best to forget, and through it all Nolan's smirking face was all pervasive. The morning saw me awake well before the base came alive, drinking strong black coffee in an effort to stay sharp. Today was a day that I needed to be as alert as possible.

"O'Neill." Teal'c inclined his head at my gestured invitation for him to join me at the mess hall table.

The room was empty, the hour too early for most. We could speak freely.

"Thanks."

Brief and to the point.

"For what, O'Neill?"

Oh for cryin' out loud!

"You know."

"I do not."

I sipped my coffee and tried to gauge if he was really as clueless as he was making out.

Oh crap.

"For, you know, your support." I'd never been good at this sort of thing.

"You have done the same for me, O'Neill. It is I who should thank you."

"Yeah, well, thanks."

He bowed his head again.

Thank god that was over! Wasn't that hard after all.

* * *

Carter was next. I cornered her in her lab again. Nicely predictable is Carter.

"We good?"

"Sir?"

"We good, Carter?"

Her smile was dazzling. "Yes, sir, we're good."

Good.

"Okay, just checking."

All done. I could concentrate on the task at hand.

* * *

The rain poured down out of thick grey clouds. The grass was soft under my feet, mud already coating the bottom of my jeans. Needless to say, we were alone. He was waiting for me in the same place, the tall stand of trees blocking us from view.

He looked pissed.

I had deliberately kept him waiting for over half an hour just to see how much he wanted this. The water dripped off his hair and ran down his sodden jacket, turning his clothes a uniformly wet black.

He must want it a lot.

"About time! I was just about to leave." He looked upset and cold and I didn't care one iota.

"I was delayed." I didn't sit down. I got right to the point. "What exactly do you want from me, Nolan?"

He glanced quickly around before answering. "I told you, I have a job for you." He pulled a large envelope from under his jacket and held it out to me.

"And I told you that I wasn't interested. How many times do I have to flush before you go away?"

His face reddened slightly, the anger showing. "I told you what would happen if you fucked with me, Jack." He pushed the envelope forward.

"What if I said that I didn't care? I'm not going to play your sick game, Nolan. You can just slink back into your hole now. I did what I was ordered to do, no more and if you want to go to the press with this, go right ahead." I stared him down, hoping against hope that he wouldn't call my bluff.

His smile chilled me. "That's where you're wrong, General. You see, that last assignment of yours? You were already on my payroll. It was never officially sanctioned." He stood and stepped closer. "I was paid well for that job. Very well indeed. You would have been in my service for years now if it hadn't been for the war. Your disappearing act spoilt my plans." He saw the dawning comprehension on my face, and his smile grew. "Didn't you wonder about that last mission? How it all went wrong and yet nothing was said? You sold your soul to the devil on that one, Jack and I'm here to collect."

My skin went cold, and it had nothing to do with the rain. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. To think that four months in hell had bought my salvation from this bastard. All those months when I had been unreachable. I had dropped out of sight and reappeared, seemingly broken and scarred. Unusable.

"I have evidence that places you at the scene. Evidence that proves you were freelancing, Jack. Evidence of a very large sum being placed in your account. It's marvellous what you can do with computers these days. How do you think that the Air Force will respond to that? Especially when you consider the aftermath of that job, the lives lost because of you." He paused, watching me carefully.

There was one thing that he didn't know. I had lost my soul to the devil already.

And I had got it back.

I wasn't about to lose it again.

All those years of guilt. All those times waking at night, screams echoing through my head.

I had been set up.

I usually pride myself on my ability to keep calm and controlled in most situations. You have to keep a cool head when you operate in the sort of places I have. There aren't many times that I can remember losing it. This was one of them.

I don't even remember moving. One moment I was standing, looking at his smiling face, the next I had my hands around his throat, squeezing, hearing his breath gasping, and enjoying every second of it.

The burning sensation in my gut barely registered until I felt the strength leave my hands. I looked down.

The bastard had stabbed me.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

I couldn't blame him really. That's what comes of getting upset, acting without thinking. It was a lesson that I would remember for the future. That is if I had one, from the expression on Nolan's face, my future could be counted in minutes at the most.

My hands dropped to the wound without any conscious move on my part, an instinctive reaction. I pressed them to me, holding back the pain and watched helplessly as Nolan took large shuddering gasps of air. I knew what was coming next, just what I would have done in the same circumstances. He moved in for the kill, his face still red, his eyes bright with anger.

There was nothing I could do. Nothing to stop him. A tremor rose up from my stomach, the agony dropping me to my knees.

I watched my death move closer.

Nolan was overtaken in mid step by a burst of light. My stunned gaze took in the figure of Teal'c standing over him. Our eyes met and I knew exactly what he was about to do. Maybe I could have stopped him. Maybe I couldn't have. I will never know, because I didn't speak. Two more zat blasts lit up the clearing.

"Teal'c!" Daniel's horrified voice made me look up, to see the rest of SG-1 run into sight. "What have you done?"

My friend's eyes were on me as he replied. "My finger slipped."

"Twice?"

"Yes, Daniel Jackson. The zat'ni'katel must be faulty. I will check it as soon as I return to the SGC."

I could feel myself slipping down into darkness. Carter's hands were all that was keeping me from falling forward.

"You heard everything?"

"Yes, General, and we have it on tape, but I don't think that we'll need to use it. Now." Carter's eyes flickered to the spot that should have held a body, but didn't.

"I've called Janet. She should be here soon." The voices were fading in and out. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered now. I knew that I was in good hands.

I might be on my knees in the mud, but I could finally hold my head up high.

* * *


	14. Spreading the Christmas Spirit

Spreading the Spirit of Christmas

A short General Jack Christmas special

by Flatkatsi

* * *

The soft buzz of the telephone on my desk was a welcome distraction. I gave Stiler an apologetic look, silently thanking whoever it was on the other end of the line for saving me from death by boredom.

"Jack, I'd like to see you in my office. Now."

Umm. General Hammond didn't seem too happy. Maybe I was better off listening to Stiler drone on about power savings.

I decided on a positive approach as I knocked lightly, waiting for his invitation to enter.

"Come."

"You wanted to see me, sir?" I didn't let my happy smile budge one inch, despite his glower.

"Yes, Jack. I have a problem." He tapped his finger on the form in front of him.

I recognised it instantly and beamed proudly.

George glared back.

"Just how did you expect to get this past me, Jack?"

"I didn't, George. I was hoping that you would spot it. Good idea, isn't it? Great for staff moral."

"Exactly how does the requisition of this much tinsel and so many decorations constitute a good idea?"

I allowed my grin to broaden even further.

"Don't forget the lights, George. I asked for lights. Nothing like some flashing coloured lights to cheer people up"

I could tell that I was wearing him down by the tiny twitch of his lips.

"Actually, it was Teal'c's idea."

That finally did it. I had broken him. He lowered his head, and banged it gently twice on his desk, the light gleaming off the top like an angel's halo on a summer's day. When he continued, it was in a mumble, muffled by his arms.

"Teal'c's idea?"

"He suggested that we needed to put up some Christmas decorations. He was inspired by his last visit to the mall." I lowered my voice and whispered. "He even bought some CDs of Christmas songs."

"Oh dear God, no!" It was a cry from the heart.

"Oh yes. They should be good ones too. I know that he asked the manager of Walmart for a copy of the ones they were playing."

The bald, light reflecting head, thumped once more, ever so gently.

"He offered to pay for the decorations himself, but I told him that the Air Force couldn't have him do that."

George looked up, a small indentation from a file slowly disappearing from his forehead. I was glad that he had had something soft for his head to land on.

"General O'Neill." Uh oh! That was a little like having your mother call you by your full name, including the middle one. "Even if I did sign off on the decorations, how could I possibly justify the cost? The Christmas tree alone." He stopped. I swear his eyes bulged. "HOW big?"

"Well, it's to go in the gate room, and it would look silly if it was too small, wouldn't it, sir? What with that big space and all."

"Silly? Silly! Why can't we just have a small tree in the Mess Hall as usual?"

"I thought that it would be nice if our guests saw it as soon as they arrived."

"Guests? Guests!"

I was starting to get a trifle worried. That was the second time that George had repeated himself in as many minutes.

"For the Christmas lunch." I stopped, looked at his face, and put my hand to my mouth. "Did I forget to tell you?"

"Tell me what, General?" George's voice was getting more strained by the second.

"About the party." I allowed a small glimmer of self-preservation to show through my calm exterior. "It was Teal'c's idea."

"Teal'c's idea?"

This was getting really bad. He was still repeating himself.

"Yes, sir. He suggested that seeing he enjoyed the Christmas traditions so much, that we should allow others to experience them." I remembered something that might sway the General. "He's doing all the cooking. No need to annoy the kitchen staff."

George stood and raised himself up as high as he could, obviously trying to look me in the eye, but missing by several inches. He spoke slowly and firmly.

"Who have you invited to Christmas lunch, General?"

"Just friends, sir. Jacob, Thor, Bra'tac, Ry'ac, ummm" I hesitated and thought hard. "Let me see. Ah.Garshaw, Lya, a couple of others that I'm not sure that you know." I saw his look and hurried on. "But I'm sure that you'll like them, sir. Don't worry, I won't let Teal'c seat you with anyone you don't know."

He looked like he was about to blow.

"We had a really good time at my birthday party. I thought - "Why not?" Most of them have replied already." I beamed again. "I tell you what. I'll go start organising the presents."

I turned to the door, but hearing the agitated puffing coming from behind me, I just couldn't keep it up. As I opened it, I swung around, and snapped out.

"Got ya!" before doing my best General running for dear life impression.

"Jack!" I'm sure that the loud shout had more laughter than anger in it.

Didn't it?

The End


	15. Keeping Occupied

Keeping Occupied

by Flatkatsi

* * *

Sometimes you wake up and really don't want to go to work. It doesn't matter how exciting your job is or how much you love it, sometimes you just want to lie in bed and sleep the day away. You open your eyes and see the daylight filtering through the drapes and the only thing that you can think of is how much you don't want to get up.

This was one of those mornings. Wet, dreary and altogether miserable. The rain hadn't let up for weeks, it had flooded all the gutters and taken all the fun out of driving. It had soaked into the lawn, turning it into a quagmire of mud, and it made every bone in my body ache.

I lay there, wondering how I could justify ringing the base. Calling in sick wasn't an option - the dull ache and the hard scarring across my belly were a reminder that I wasn't long out of the infirmary. I was sure the Doc would just love it if I called in sick; she'd be on me as quickly as a fly on a steak. As it was, it was only because I had insisted that I was completely healed that she had let me go home at all.

No - calling in sick was not an option.

I got up with a groan and moved to the window. The view didn't get any better for being any closer. It was still pouring, and although I couldn't see it when I was in the mountain, I could always feel it, especially in my knee.

There was really no way to get out of it. I took my time getting ready, for once not caring that I was going to be late. My morning was going to be taken up with the annual staff evaluations, and I knew that no one would miss me before my appointment with the Doc after lunch. I showered and dressed slowly, drank coffee, ate some toast - did everything that I could think of to delay the inevitable.

The traffic was horrendous. What is it about rain that brings out the worst in drivers? By the time I was at the mountain, I was not so much in a foul mood as depressed. I'd only just been cleared for light duties, so the prospect of a nice warm sunny beach on a far distant planet was just a pipe dream I kept taunting myself with.

"General O'Neill?" The guard on the front desk gave me a nervous look. For a second I wondered if I was frowning on the outside as much as I was on the inside, but then he continued. "May I ask you something, sir?"

I managed a bleak smile. "What is it, Sergeant?"

"I'm a member of the base shooting team, and we need new members. I was in the range when you shot the other week, sir, and," he looked even more nervous, "I was wondering if you would consider joining. It's mainly NORAD staff, sir, we don't have many members from your section."

I didn't even know there was a shooting team. I thought for a moment.

Why not? I could do with a hobby. It wasn't such a bad idea.

I could see the Sergeant eyeing me, worried about my reaction.

"I'll think about it, Sergeant. It depends on whether I have the time available, but what say you give me a call the next time you meet, and if I can, I'll come up and join you. No guarantees mind you."

I entered the elevator in a much happier frame of mind.

"Morning General."

I nodded pleasantly to the passing airman, and carried on towards my office. I'd give those staff evaluations my full attention, and then get something to eat before seeing the Doc. Much though I hated paper work, the evaluations were important.

Apart from a momentary twitch from the wound when I sat down, I was feeling remarkably fit - much better then I had this morning. Even my sore knee was quiet for a change. Maybe it had stopped raining.

I settled in to work. I was pleased at my progress by the time lunch rolled around. I closed down the computer and stretched. I really wasn't hungry, but there was something that I wanted to do before seeing the Doc.

I changed into sweats and headed for the gym. A forty-minute workout left me just time for a shower before my appointment.

Yes, I was certainly feeling more like my old self.

"What have you been doing, sir?" Doc Fraiser poked a figure into my stomach and glared up at me sternly. "You were meant to be taking it easy."

"I was, Doc." I couldn't help smiling at her expression. "I feel fine."

"Well you aren't, General O'Neill," she snapped straight back at me. "You are still recovering from a serious injury. If you think that pushing yourself is going to get you back on the active duty roster any quicker, you better think again. At this rate I'm tempted to put you back in the infirmary."

Crap - she didn't look like she was joking. I tried my best smile, and only got an even more annoyed look in response. Suddenly my happy mood flew out the nonexistent windows, and down the drain. Mixed metaphor or not, that was how I felt.

"Sorry, Doctor." The rain must have been back with a vengeance up top, because my knee picked that moment to give me a vicious reminder that a forty-minute workout might not have been such a good idea. I barely managed to disguise the jolt of pain by jumping up quickly, almost having my knee collapse under me as my feet hit the floor.

"I better get back to my office then, Doctor." I could snap as well.

I limped out with all the dignity I could muster, feeling the Doc's gaze hot on my retreating back.

* * *

I had only just seated myself behind my desk when there was a sharp rap on the door, and General Hammond's aid poked his head around the corner.

"Oh, sorry, sir, I didn't expect to find you here. The General asked me to check when he couldn't reach you on the phone. He wants to see you in his office."

I stood back up, feeling every one of my muscles calling out to me to sit back down and rest. I didn't know what George wanted, but it better be good.

The aid skipped on ahead of me. I say skipped because that was how his youthful exuberance struck me. I plodded along behind.

Hammond wasn't sitting at his desk when I finally reached his office; he was standing looking at the photos on his wall. He turned as soon as I entered.

"Thank you for coming, Jack." He gestured to the visitor's chair and sat as I did, putting his elbows on the table and leaning forward. "I have a favour to ask." He raised a finger as I opened my mouth. "No, before you say anything, wait until I tell you what I'm asking. Then give me your answer."

"Okay, sir." I settled back down in my seat.

"This is an unorthodox request, Jack, that's why I'll understand if you decide not to accept it. Normally I wouldn't even consider asking someone of your rank to do this, but I can't think of anyone else that can do the job."

"Go on." He was beginning to worry me.

"We have just had word that there is a problem at the X-304 test site. The new group of trainees were part way through their evaluation when Major Fisher was called away. I'm afraid that his father had a heart attack, and he has flown to Florida to be with him."

"I'm sorry to hear that, sir. How can I help?"

"I need someone to finish the evaluation, Jack. Everyone else qualified is either off world or already assigned."

"So you want me to go out there?" I thought of the long drive in the rain. Then I thought of the Doc. "Ah - I just came from the infirmary. The Doc said that I had to take it easy."

"I'll square it with Doctor Fraiser. You won't be doing anything strenuous, so she shouldn't have any objections."

If I couldn't go off world it was better than nothing, it would be a chance to get out of the mountain.

"I'd be pleased to do it, sir." I was rewarded with a grateful smile.

"Good. I'll contact Doctor Fraiser, and inform her. The car will be waiting up top in thirty minutes. Thanks for doing this, Jack."

"Don't thank me until I get back, George. I might fail all of them."

He laughed as I left his office, thinking that I was joking. He should know me better than that by now.

* * *

Yes, it was still raining.

Joy.

I hunkered down into my seat and shut my eyes. There are some advantages to being a general, and I wasn't about to waste this one. It's a long drive to the test site and I decided that I might as well get some rest.

I came awake with a start. That wasn't me snoring was it? Couldn't have been. I don't snore.

I straightened up, and looked towards the driver. He was concentrating on the road.

See, I wasn't snoring. I don't snore.

"How long before we get there, Airman?"

"About ten minutes, sir."

I must have slept longer than I thought. The rain had eased, in fact the road was barely damp. The sun was trying its best to edge its way between the grey clouds. Soon the gates of the base appeared in the distance, lonely in their isolation. It was another five minutes before we pulled up outside the few buildings dedicated to the X-304 training section, a large hanger dominating the view. There wasn't a sign of anyone. I dismissed the driver, telling him that I would arrange transport back when I required it, then made my way into the small wooden building beside the hanger.

There were eight of them, all sitting in various poses that reflected the boredom of being stuck out in the middle of nowhere with nothing to do. Six men and two women in a range of shapes and sizes, wishing that they were anywhere but here, and wondering why they were here at all.

As soon as they spotted me, they all came to their feet. It may not say 'General' anywhere on my BDU's, but my grey hair tends to get that reaction these days, most coming to the conclusion that grey means senior, and better safe than sorry. I had read their files on the drive over, before my nap, and knew they were some of the best pilots that we had. I also knew they hadn't been told much about the X-304, just that they were being tested on a new plane. Fisher had barely started their orientation before being called away. Now it was up to me.

I got straight down to business.

"As you know, Major Fisher has been called away unexpectedly. I am General O'Neill. I will be taking over from him."

I saw the surprise and speculation on their faces. I didn't give them time to ask any questions. "I take it that you haven't seen the aircraft that you will be flying?"

Several replies of "No sir" confirmed what I already knew.

"Come on then." I lead them out to the hanger, and showed my ID to the guards. The large doors were rolled back and the X-304s were revealed.

The silence was deafening. I walked up to one of the sleek beauties, watching to see who would be the first to follow. Lieutenant Tong was almost overtaking me in his eagerness.

"Let's get her out in the sunshine."

As the craft was being brought out, I gave them my standard spiel about a new top-secret experimental plane. They had all been given information packs, but seeing the realty was different, and I don't think that any of them were really hearing me.

I ran through the usual stuff with them - these are the wings, this is the front - that sort of thing. So far they had been pretty quiet. I would like to have thought that it was because they were in awe of me, but I knew better.

While they were investigating the plane for themselves, I mentally ran through the evaluation procedure. It now called for me to take them back inside, and discuss the new technology used in the X-304, using the whiteboard, suitable graphs and diagrams.

Janet was going to kill me!

"Who's up for a flight?"

* * *

Captain Robinson had stars in her eyes. I could see them reflected off her helmet when I looked back.

So far all the pilots had had exactly the reaction I would have expected from a group of hand picked trained professionals. None of them had done more than gasp in wonder as we had breached the atmosphere and headed on and up.

I knew it would be getting dark down below so, reluctantly, I turned the plane for home.

There was a sigh from behind me, quickly cut off.

I knew exactly how she felt. It didn't matter how often I saw our planet from up here, it never failed to amaze me with its beauty.

I wished that I could stay up there and drink in the feeling, but I had no choice.

We floated back down to Earth.

* * *

It was the end of a long, but very satisfying afternoon, and I felt stiff all over. I eased my way out of the pilot's seat, trying to get down from the X-304 with as much dignity as I could muster. I stood stiffly, aware of the bright eager eyes staring at me.

"Okay, kids. Go get something to eat, and I'll join you soon."

I waited until they had all disappeared before leaning against the plane, my hand creeping into my shirt to massage my stomach, kneading the hard knot of pain away.

Janet was going to kill me.

The kids were billeted in the quarters of the main air base, several minutes drive away. When George had asked me to do this, it had been clear that I would have to stay overnight so I had come prepared. I grabbed a car, and drove over to my quarters, very glad to be able to park close by. My bag was waiting for me, so I took a quick shower and changed, knowing that if I lay down I would probably not be able to get back up for hours. The hot water eased the ache, and by the time I reached the mess, walking slowly and carefully, I was feeling more like myself.

My group were sitting in one corner, laughing and happy. I was glad to see that they kept their voices quiet as they discussed the events of the day. Looking around, I spotted the base commander, Colonel Hancock, over at the counter, collecting his meal. I waited until he moved to an empty table before joining him.

He stood up when he saw me.

"Sir."

"How are you, David?" I sat and he resumed his seat. "It's been a while." The last time I had seen him was just before my posting to Colorado. We were stationed at the same base, and had crossed paths occasionally, my Special Ops team making use of his pilots and aircraft.

"Good, General, good. Congratulations on your promotion" He paused, and I knew what was coming. I recognised the signs - the slightly embarrassed look, the hesitation. "I was sorry to hear about your son, Jack."

Even after all these years, it still hurt deep down inside, in the place where I hid the pain. It may not be on the surface anymore, but it was always there, as much a part of me as breathing.

"Thanks, David."

I couldn't help myself. I shifted in my chair, forgetting how close I was to the table, bumping hard against it.

"Shit!"

"Are you okay?" He began to rise, and I stopped him, looking at the interested audience we had attracted.

"I'm okay."

"You don't look okay, sir."

I felt the beads of sweat, and knew that I really didn't feel okay either.

Janet was SO going to kill me.

"Can we take this somewhere a little more private?" I smiled grimly. "And not too far away?"

"Your quarters?"

I nodded and stood, looking around.

"Lieutenant Tong" He was just walking near us, heading for the men's room. I beckoned for him to come over.

"General?"

Time to use one of my many no longer hidden talents. I lowered my voice, and rapidly told the Lieutenant that I had every intention of being back with them in the morning, but if I was delayed to start reviewing the mission reports that I would have sent over.

Cantonese comes in handy when you don't want to be overhead.

* * *

Yet another morning when I didn't want to get out of bed, except this time it was because I knew what to expect. It had taken all my wonderful powers of persuasion to stop Hancock from calling in a doctor the night before after I had explained about the knife wound.

I was fine. I didn't need a doctor.

Keep telling yourself that, Jack. Mind over matter, that's the trick.

I got my feet on the ground.

Objective number one almost completed.

There was a knock on the door.

Crap! Objective number one rapidly completed with associated cursing.

"Oh for cryin' out loud! You been taking lessons from my team?" Hancock stood at the door, his face worried. "I'm fine!"

"Yes, sir, I can see that."

"Sarcasm doesn't become you, Colonel." I tried my best glare, but it seemed to just wash over him. I knew that he was concerned, and I couldn't blame him. I would have been concerned in his position. Doesn't do to have a General collapse while visiting your command. Doesn't look good on your record.

Neither does having the Asgard High Commander shot in your living room, but I couldn't placate him with that particular tale.

Pity.

Mind over matter, Jack.

"Give me a minute, David, and I'll join you for breakfast."

It was a dismissal, and he knew it.

Ten minutes later I fairly bounced into the mess, and ate an animated breakfast. It's amazing what you can do if you have to.

* * *

I spent most of the day explaining exactly what we planned for the X-304s, with pictures.

Nice big pictures of Goa'uld motherships.

The mood was sombre when I left the room to take a call from Hammond. Major Fisher's father had died and he had taken a week's leave. Under the circumstances George had recalled Major Stainton from SG-4 and was sending him to complete the training and evaluation.

He wanted me back ASAP. Some sort of emergency at the Alpha site. Yet again.

I was getting very, very tired of the whole Alpha site situation.

As a concession to my supposed state of recovery, the waring parties were coming to the SGC, saving me an off world trip. Nice of them. Of course, it would have been even better if they hadn't argued in the first place, but I knew that was too much to expect.

I told George that I would find the fastest way back.

I was very annoyed.

I wasn't a happy camper.

I had been enjoying myself.

Then I looked out the window, and my eyes lit up.

* * *

Janet was definitely going to kill me.

And I certainly owed David big time.

I smiled out the cockpit at his anxious face, and gave him a cheery wave.

I reached forward and turned the battery switch to on, changed the auxiliary power to start, and put both throttles to idle. The engines started up, and thirty seconds later I was in the air.

I sat back and let the F-22 supercruise it's way to Peterson.

All right, I admit it - I didn't let the Raptor do all the work. I took time out to have just a little fun with the Air Force's new baby. A few rolls, a couple of turns.

Fun fun fun.

This sure beat driving.

I turned a few heads, landing at Peterson.

Ah - boy's toys. Don't you just love them?

Sure beats a truck any day.

I commandeered a car and driver, and made it to the SGC in record time.

Four hours later, a not particularly happy group of Tok'ra and Jaffa, with their Tau'ri minders, headed home through the gate, their tails between their legs. I sat in the meeting room, watching as the papers were cleared from the table, and felt very pleased with myself.

I was on a roll.

I stood up and promptly sat down again, clutching my stomach.

Oh crap!

I felt like all the fires of Netu were eating me from the inside out. What was this? Punishment for being naughty?

The room started to twist around, table and chairs dancing across my vision. There was a voice calling for a doctor, but I couldn't do anything to stop them. I just shut my eyes and concentrated on pushing down the pain.

"General O'Neill!"

I'd recognise that voice anywhere.

I am so busted.

* * *

It is so not fair.

All right - I had been just a little sore. A little weak in the knees. Even, I admit, a little dizzy, but it was nothing major. Not serious enough to warrant all that prodding and poking, and those angry glares. And what possible use is having a penlight shone in your eyes when you have a stomach wound?

Confined to my quarters, and only because Fraiser knew that I would make her life hell if she tried to keep me in the infirmary.

I got no help from my so-called friends.

Hammond tried to look sympathetic, but I could see the smile hiding behind his understanding words.

Daniel has avoided me since I won the fifth game of chess.

Teal'c brought me several cups of jello and smirked. God knows what that was about.

The only person who wanted to stay was Carter. I described the flight home in loving detail, and we were just getting into a discussion on the technical side of things when she was called back to her lab.

I'm not a little kid.

I can't be told to go to my room.

The buzz of the phone interrupted my fit of pique.

"General O'Neill? It's Sergeant Morley here. You asked me to tell you when we were next meeting. We have arranged to shoot in half an hour, sir, and I was wondering if you would like to join us?"

I knew that if I looked in the mirror now I would see a very large, very wicked grin on my face.

"I'll be right up, Sergeant."

Janet is going to be SO mad!

* * *


	16. Warning Signs

Warning Signs

by Flatkatsi

I sneaked.

I crept through the corridors of my own base like an escaping convict, my eyes shifting, constantly scanning.

Scanning for what, you might ask?

The Doc. Janet Fraiser.

Scary woman.

Undetected and with a sigh of relief, I took the elevator to the mountain's upper levels, heading for the firing range. I had successfully escaped her clutches.

I was very proud of myself. I had successfully escaped the clutches of a woman who was at least three feet shorter than me. Yeap - kudos, Jack. Give yourself a pat on the back.

I reached my goal - the range up on the NORAD levels, and walked in to find Sergeant Morley standing with a small group of people, none of whom I recognised.

"Sir." He came to greet me, smiling. "I was just explaining to the others that I had asked you to join us."

That must have been interesting.

"And how did they take it, Morley?" I smiled back, interested to hear his answer.

"Well, to be perfectly honest General, they thought that I was joking," he replied, with a laugh. "I'll introduce you."

The group were a mixture of officers and other ranks, the highest being a captain. I noticed they were all NORAD staff.

"Didn't you say there was someone from the SGC on the team?" I asked Morley.

"Yes sir. Sergeant Ramez, but he's on leave at the moment."

I nodded. I knew the man, one of the SFs that regularly guarded the gateroom. I could see the others eyeing me, looking worried. I didn't blame them. For a minute I wondered if this was such a good idea, but Morley cut into my thoughts.

"Shall we start? Would you mind beginning, General?"

"Sure. Let's see if I'm good enough for the team." It was cruel, but I couldn't resist the comment, watching all eyes shift rapidly away from mine. "Rapid fire?"

He nodded, and I moved to the firing position. I waited for the range officer's command, then, controlling my breathing, fired on his signal.

The team looked over at my target, and I waited for the verdict. I admit to being a little concerned at the result myself. It had been years since I had last shot in competition, but I was pleased to see the ten shots were all neatly grouped within the center ring of the target.

Finally Morley spoke.

"May I ask what marksman classification you are, sir?"

"Expert, Sergeant."

Eight faces broke into beautiful smiles.

xoxoxoxoxoxo

I wandered slowly down the corridor towards my quarters, tired, but very pleased with myself. The past hour had been an enjoyable break from routine, and I had agreed to be at the next team meeting in a few days time, unless something unforeseen arose. It seemed that there were a couple of matches scheduled, one at Peterson, and the other between us and the Canadian's NORAD team. Our team had lost their previous five matches.

I was the secret weapon.

It was a nice feeling, being a secret weapon, especially here on Earth. There were enough secrets about my life at the moment, and certainly enough weapons, but this was different. This was harmless fun, and there hadn't been nearly enough of that lately.

As if it was deliberately reminding me of it's reason for existence, the scar across my stomach began to itch like crazy. I opened the door of my quarters, reaching up to ease the muscles in my shoulder, to be greeted by the harsh tones of the telephone.

"O'Neill."

"General." I groaned at the sound of Janet's voice. "I've been trying to contact you for quite a while. Would you please come to the infirmary."

xoxoxoxoxoxo

"You'll have to stay here, at least overnight, sir. The wound appears to be slightly infected. I'll start you on a course of antibiotics and see how it develops."

I was worried. The Doc hadn't been angry, she had examined me silently, her face grim.

"I thought that it was almost healed?"

That got a reaction.

"Well, it would have been by now if it wasn't for that the effect of G forces on it. What were you thinking?" I saw her visibly pull herself up short, and watched as her face closed down again. "Sorry, General." Her body language screamed concern, even if her tone didn't. "I would like to take some x-rays, just to be on the safe side, so would you please change into a gown."

For once I didn't argue, meekly obeying. I had to be honest with myself - I wasn't feeling one hundred percent, and hadn't for a while. There was a nagging pain in my chest I had put down to tiredness. Now I wasn't so sure.

After the x-rays, as befitted my superior officer status, I was given a private room, where I waited, rather impatiently, for the Doc to come back. When she did, she was as unemotional as before. She began speaking before I even had a chance to open my mouth.

"Have you had any shortness of breath, or chest pains, sir? Any soreness in your upper arms or shoulders?"

I eyed the papers in her hand, trying to use my Super General Vision to read them. It didn't work. My hesitation didn't impress her, that was obvious.

"General, have you had any of the symptoms I have just described?"

I muttered a 'yes'.

"Which?"

"Chest pains." Okay - I muttered that too.

"Anything else?"

"My right shoulder's been hurting, feeling a bit numb."

Her eyes flared. "And you didn't think that it was important enough to tell me!"

I couldn't meet her eye. I didn't want to admit that I had recognised the symptoms, and knew all too well what they meant. My father had died of a heart attack at fifty-three. I'm afraid I had taken the easy path of 'ignore it and it will go away'; after all, it could have been the knife wound.

Couldn't it?

I felt a trembling hand on my arm, and I looked up into the Doc's face. It was then that I realised - she was really, really angry. Absolutely furious. She pulled an x-ray out from amongst the wad of papers, and waved it in my face.

"You have developed a clot, most assuredly as a result of your injury, and it is now floating around your circulatory system. It is dangerously close to your heart, and if it travels any further it could cause a heart attack. It probably developed after your little jaunt in the plane. Those symptoms were warning signals that something was wrong. You chose to ignore them. You, General sir, could die at any second. I have arranged for you to have surgery to remove the clot asap. Now just stay there, lie still, and don't say a word. I'll be back." She turned to leave, but swung around as she reached the door. "Court martial me if you want, but I have to say it. You are an idiot."

She walked out, and left me sitting speechless on the bed.

xoxoxoxoxoxo

I was in and out of the operating theatre before I even had time to catch my breath. Keyhole surgery is a miracle of modern science.

So here I was, once again in the little private room I was beginning to see as a home away from home. Sad really.

I was still a little out to it, the remains of the anesthetic buzzing around in my system like a slowly droning bee, when the Doc paid me a visit. She opened the door gently, and quietly came up to the bed, pulling out a chair as she did so. I waited until she had settled herself before speaking.

"Sorry, Doc."

"I'm sorry too, sir."

We both sat there. I couldn't think what to say next, and it was obvious that the Doc couldn't either. Finally she broke the silence.

"Do you realise that if we hadn't found the clot in time, and you had had even a small heart attack, it would have been the end as far as being on the offworld roster, perhaps even the end of your career?"

I had thought of that.

I nodded.

Janet looked me straight in the eye for the first time since she had entered the room. "I was just so worried. I can't believe that you didn't come to me. That you would endanger your health like that. I still don't understand it."

She deserved an explanation. For once I would have to give one. Not something that I normally do.

"I was scared, Doc."

I saw the surprise.

"I find that hard to credit, sir. I've never known you to be scared of anything."

I thought about all the times that I had been terrified over the years. I must have hidden it better than I thought.

I explained about my father. He had the heart attack on the golf course, with no one there that knew what to do. He had died before the ambulance arrived.

When I had finished speaking, we sat silently again. I know I was thinking about all the years I had missed because my father did what I had done, and ignored the warnings. I was lucky to have the Doc watching out for me.

This time I broke the silence first.

"Thanks, Doc."

"I was just doing my job, sir." Her smile belied her words. "I ordered a complete series of cardiovascular tests. There is no sign of any damage what so ever. As a candidate for a heart attack, I would have to put you down the bottom of the list." She reached her hand forward, and put it on my arm like she had before, except this time it wasn't trembling. "You should be completely recovered in a few days. The infection is already clearing, and, if it continues to do so, I'll release you from the infirmary tomorrow, but I want to be perfectly clear here," she raised her voice and gave me a glare that would be a lethal weapon if it could be harnessed, "if you don't rest, and I mean no flying planes, visits to the gym, or any other little adventures, I will personally see to it that you are sedated until you are completely healed."

I had a sudden thought.

Crap!

"Ah, Doc?"

The atmosphere grew icy.

"Yes, General O'Neill?"

"I sort of promised."

"Promised what?"

I took the bull by the horns and hurried on. "That I would compete in a shooting competition."

"When?"

"The match is in a couple of weeks, but I should go to the practice sessions before then. The next one is scheduled in two days."

"No." I quailed under her glare. If she had thought I wasn't scared of anything, she had just found proof to the contrary. "No way are you going to exert yourself in any way within the next few days. I meant what I said, sir."

"How about the match itself?" I told her about our team losing so often.

And to Canadians.

I think that it was the Canadians that clinched it. I managed to persuade her that, given a clear bill of health, I could compete in the match at Peterson. She left me, but only after she had made me promise to get some sleep. I didn't have any problem with that - my eyes were already shutting as the door closed behind her.

xoxoxoxoxoxo

There was just one thing that I had forgotten.

"Jack? What's going on? Why are you back in here?'

"Sir?"

"Are you unwell, O'Neill?"

For cryin' out loud! I opened my eyes and met the concerned gaze of my team.

"Sorry, sir. Did we wake you?"

"Nah, Carter! Ya think!" Okay, I was a little testy, but it was mainly because of guilt. I had completely forgotten about them.

"So why are you in the infirmary, Jack?" Daniel crossed his arms over his chest, his classic "I'm sure I'm about to hear something I don't like" pose.

I sat up, stuffing the pillows behind my back, trying to sort out what I should say. I could just imagine the reaction if they found out, they wouldn't let me out of their sight for weeks. Damn mother hens.

First - check the lie of the land.

"Didn't Janet tell you?'

"No, sir. She just told us that you were staying here overnight."

I smiled disarmingly. "There's nothing to worry about. I just overdid it a little, and the wound has a slight infection." Seeing the look on Carter's face, I hurried on. "Nothing serious, it's already clearing up, but the Doc's making me stay here as punishment." I wasn't lying. I just was being selective with the truth.

I watched as the worry left their faces, to be replaced by amusement. Just General O'Neill being his usual self and getting into trouble.

Sometimes it helps to have a reputation.

I managed to get rid of them by pleading tiredness. Considering that I had been asleep when they had arrived, it wasn't hard to do. After they left I lay there and thought about how close I had come to death.

I had come close to death plenty of times before, in fact, I had been up close and personal with death more than once. This time it was different. This time it had been because of my own stupidity. Sure, I'd made mistakes before, and almost died because of them, but this time I couldn't blame anyone but myself. They say forewarned is forearmed, but in my case forewarned was forgotten.

I had learnt something very valuable today.

As I drifted off to sleep, I thought about the lesson.

Canadians deserve to be beaten.

I fell asleep with a smile on my face.

xoxoxoxoxoxo

The team wasn't happy.

Not SG-1. The base shooting team.

I had contacted Sergeant Morley as soon as I was able, and explained that I was unable to attend the practices. I didn't tell him why, just left him with the impression that I had urgent business. Which I did. I was determined to follow the Doc's orders this time. I stayed quietly in my quarters on base, and then equally quietly at home. I got to bed early, didn't drink beer or eat pizza, and rested.

I was bored out of my mind.

I know that Daniel, Teal'c, and Carter were worried at my uncharacteristic compliance, but I didn't enlighten them.

No need.

I returned to light duties, finished up my paperwork, and waited, more and more impatiently for the Doc to give me the all clear. Finally - two days before the match at Peterson - she declared me one hundred percent fit.

I had a celebratory beer, and an early night.

Oh god! It had become a habit.

I wasn't worried - I was sure that with a little effort I could break the habit, get back to my normal routine. But for the moment I would just sleep.

xoxoxoxoxoxo

The day dawned bright, shiny, and new. Just like me. The shooting team's secret weapon was all bright, shiny, and polished, ready to be deployed. Morley was clearly a very happy team leader when I joined the group at the entrance to the base. I arranged to meet them at Peterson.

My driver pulled up outside the main building, and I was soon knocking on the door of General Luken's office. I was trying to stay as secret a weapon as possible, but there was still protocol to consider. I couldn't just turn up on the base. Feathers would get ruffled. Fortunately, Dick Luken and I went back a long way.

After the normal pleasantries, I got down to business, and explained the reason for my visit to his base.

He seemed to think it was funny. I, as a secret weapon, took that personally. Then I realised something. He was dismissing me as a threat to his team. I realised something else as well. Although I knew most of the senior officers in the Air Force, they didn't know me very well. Sure - we had crossed paths over the years, and in some cases become friends, but they had never really known what I did. Most of my work had been classified. I had hung around a little, had a few dinners in the mess, then flown out. Sometimes I hadn't returned for months. Dick knew that I was at the SGC, but intellectually, I don't think that he really had any idea what that entailed.

I headed on over to the range, Dick following along, still smiling. I left him in the viewing area, and joined my team, collecting some interested stares from the Peterson team as I did so. It was a gallery course, rather than a full day competition, which was one of the reasons that the Doc had agreed to my participation. The less than thirty minutes it would take me to complete my round wouldn't be too tiring.

Morley kept me until last. I think that, even though my name had been listed on the team information, until he saw me step up to the firing position the Peterson team captain had thought that I was just an over eager senior officer cheering on his troops.

I just love the rapid fire section. Although there is a certain pleasure to be gained from accuracy, the adrenaline really doesn't start to flow until that point. The control is still there, but so is the excitement.

I finished, stepped back and caught the eye of Dick Luken. He shook his head at me and gave a tight smile. His team was standing there, as if unable to believe their eyes. They had obviously expected to wipe the boards with us again.

They had been wrong.

I nodded back to General Luken, restraining my grin, my near perfect score in all three sections of the competition had clinched the match.

It doesn't do to gloat.

xoxoxoxoxoxo

We celebrated while still at Peterson, accepting the congratulations graciously. I didn't sit with the others for long, even though they seemed to accept me, I knew that I still made them uncomfortable. I didn't have a problem with that at all, in fact I understood.

After a suitable length of time, I moved across to where Dick was sitting with two other officers.

He greeted me with a rueful smile. "Bit of a dark horse, aren't you, Jack?"

How long had he known me? Twenty years? What exactly did he expect me to say?

I smiled back, and waited for him to introduce me to the others. One was the colonel who was the Peterson team's leader. I hadn't had a chance to talk to him before, and took the opportunity to comment on the excellent standard of his team. We started discussing future matches, talking about training techniques and the technical side of things. After a while, Dick and the second colonel left us to it, pleading other work. I almost laughed out loud, as I got the fleeting image of my eyes glazing over while Carter described one of her experiments, or Daniel talked about his latest finds.

We both agreed that the Canadians were going down.

xoxoxoxoxoxo

They found me in my office and surrounded me, circling like a pack of rabid dogs, snapping and snarling.

"Why didn't you tell us, sir?"

"We would have been there for you, Jack."

"Indeed, O'Neill. I am disappointed."

Crap! How had they found out? Had the Doc said something? I knew that she had told Hammond - that was a given, but I had thought that I could keep my team in the dark. I should have known better.

I looked for a way out, hoping against hope that I would get an urgent summons.

None came.

"Sorry, kids. I didn't want to worry you. It really wasn't anything. The operation was only minor."

"Operation?" Daniel's voice was totally confused.

No! No no no no!

"What operation are you referring to, O'Neill?"

Shit! Shit shit shit shit!

"I knew there was something wrong!" Carter was triumphant.

Crap! Crap crap crap crap!

I lowered my head to my folded arms.

"We were talking about your competing at Peterson, Jack. What exactly are you talking about?" Daniel's voice had lost the confused tone and was now definitely accusing.

Anything! Please, anything! Help!

There was no escape. I was trapped.

I kept my head down, in the hope that they would think that I had fallen asleep.

Did I mention that I was desperate?

A hard finger poked me in the arm. It hurt!

"O'Neill. We will not depart until we have an answer."

Oh for cryin' out loud!

The End


	17. Paper Cuts

Paper Cuts

* * *

"Dismissed." I gave the major a nod of farewell and turned back to the report. It was interesting reading.

SG-5 had stumbled across what seemed to be a Goa'uld armoury, long abandoned for some unknown reason. They had returned from the planet in a state of extreme excitement. An excited Marine is a truly frightening sight. Reports sent back on the preliminary investigations were very promising, to put it mildly. Apart from increasing our supply of zats and staff weapons there had been a ribbon device and several other, as yet unidentified, items of Goa'uld technology. Excited scientists aren't as scary as excited Marines, but they are much more bouncy. Especially Carter, she practically danced all the way out of my office, a gleam in her eyes, and a smile on her lips.

Now their report was in my hands. Believe it or not, I found it fascinating. I knew we had to be very careful handling this, or they would all be shipped straight to Area 51. We should get a chance to look at them first. I was sick of Area 51 getting all the good stuff and leaving us with the 'rocks'. Don't get me wrong, artifacts are very nice, especially as paperweights, but they don't usually kill Goa'uld. This stuff might.

I had to do a bit of 'politicking'.

General Hammond agreed with me, so I made a few calls, called in a few small favours, and was off to Washington.

* * *

This time I didn't fly commercial. Nope, direct to Washington, into the waiting car, and straight to the White House.

This time I wasn't mucking around.

I was shown in and asked to wait. Apparently the President was finishing his lunch.

I should have brought a book. Instead I had to make do with re reading the reports in my briefcase, not the most interesting of occupations considering I had already practically memorised them. I was just thinking of drawing little pictures in all the margins when the door opened and someone else was shown into the room.

"General O'Neill." He sounded like he had just found something very unpleasant on his doorstep that the dog had vomited up.

"Senator Kinsey." I smiled - the smile I reserved for those people I felt needed to die a slow and agonising death.

We were just eyeing each other, waiting to see who would make the next move, when the door to the Oval Office opened and the President walked through. I shut my briefcase with a snap and stood. I felt the President's eyes on me, speculating, then he turned his gaze to Kinsey and smiled.

"Senator Kinsey. I understand you wanted a word with me." He turned back to me and I could see Kinsey's lips turning up in a smug grin. "Jack, I'm sorry, they just told me you had arrived. Come through and have some lunch with me." He turned back Kinsey and continued, "I'm sure you don't mind waiting, do you Senator."

With a quick clap on my shoulder, the President and I were off, leaving a stunned Kinsey glaring at my retreating back. "What did you think of those hockey playoffs, Jack."

Payback is a bitch sometimes, isn't it, Senator.

* * *

Lunch was fine; it was the discussion afterwards that sucked. The only positive thing about it was the thought that kept creeping in as time went on that Kinsey was cooling his heels in the outer office. The President and I seem to have a rapport. Hammond acknowledged that strange fact by having me talk to him whenever possible, but it didn't seem to matter when it came to policy.

The contents of the Goa'uld armoury had to go to Area 51. I did manage to get a few concessions. The ribbon device and zats could stay at the SGC, our scientists could have the rest of the stuff for eight weeks, then it had to be sent off to that giant gaping hole that all our good discoveries vanished into, never to be seen again. Sort of made you wonder where it all went - I imagined a future where we all flew around in hover cars like in the old 60s cartoon, 'The Jetsons', and couldn't help laughing. Yeah, right!

* * *

I grabbed the first flight back to Peterson, not even bothering to change. It was late by the time I got in so I went straight home to catch a few hours sleep.

The morning came all too soon, as I pried my eyes open long enough to look at the clock. I used to be a morning person, but then I used to be able to stay up until all hours and be bright and cheerful the next day. Those days had gone the same way as the colour in my hair. Off world it isn't a problem, I'm always first up, coffee brewing, ready to meet the new day and new challenges, but here, on Earth, sometimes the days have become a chore. Today was going to be one of those days. I was SO not looking forward to telling Carter we would have to give the doohickies away.

I drove up the mountain and was knocking on General Hammond's door by 0800. I don't think that he really expected any other news if his face was anything to go by; that resigned look we seemed to have whenever anything to do with Washington came up.

Then he gave me his piece of wonderful news.

The Senate Appropriations Committee had requested in depth reports on all gate activations for the past twelve months.

George looked at me.

I looked at George.

"Who have you annoyed, Jack?"

I rested my head in my hands and groaned.

"You were only there a few hours. What could you have possibly done?" His voice was carefully controlled, resigned even.

For crying out loud! This is so unfair.

"It wasn't my fault!" As I said it, I had a sudden flash to a kid shouting, 'It wasn't me. I didn't do it.' Well I didn't! George sighed deeply and shut his eyes for a moment.

"It was the President's fault."

That got his attention. He opened one eye and peered at me.

"Do tell." You know, Hammond has as good a line in sarcasm as the Doc, it's just that he reserves it for the extremely rare moments that he is very, very annoyed.

"I don't think that the President likes Kinsey."

George rubbed his hand over his face. "Why do you say that, Jack?"

"Because he made the Senator wait while I ate lunch with him."

"Oh God! We'll be writing reports until we retire!" George's anguished cry made me wince.

"It wasn't my fault!" I think my cry rivalled his. Any minute now we would be sobbing on each other's shoulders.

We were two grown men, in positions of great responsibility. We could handle this. We could think of a way out of it.

Then I had a brilliant flash of inspiration.

"I could kill him."

For a second I think he actually considered it.

"No one would suspect me. Not after last time."

He looked thoughtful.

Then George shook himself as if freeing himself from a pleasant dream. "No. I appreciate the offer, Jack, but we really can't assassinate the head of the Senate Appropriations Committee."

Crap!

* * *

I decided to eat my lunch in my office, worriedly going through all my options.

I could retire.

I could fly to Washington and lick Kinsey's arse.

I could go on an extended mission off world and leave George to handle the paperwork.

I could shoot the man and just make him disappear. George would never need to know.

I could buckle down and do the paperwork.

Nope - not a single good solution in the bunch.

Then it came to me. I had access to some of the best minds in the country. Why not use them.

Within a few minutes of my requesting their presence, Teal'c, Daniel and Carter were in my office.

"How was your trip to Washington, sir?" Carter had that eager look on her face I normally associate with Daniel.

"It was the biggest ballsup since the elephant rolled over."

There was total silence. Teal'c and Carter's faces showed complete incomprehension. Daniel's took on a red hue.

Then he laughed.

He seriously lost it. He started wheezing as he fought for breath, his eyes streaming tears. I looked on in disgust. Finally he wiped his eyes and straightened up, grinning.

"I take it that is an expression you picked up on your vacation?" He turned to the others before I had a chance to answer. "Ballsup is when something is done incorrectly, a complete and total mess."

"Would not Americans say fu..."

Daniel didn't let Teal'c finish. "Yes - at least if what I think you were going to say is right." His grin grew even broader, "But I've never heard the phrase Jack just used before."

I still wasn't smiling.

Carter wasn't smiling either. She looked a bit embarrassed, a bit upset, a bit annoyed, and a bit concerned, all combining to give her a worried expression.

"So there was a problem?"

"You could say that. That's why I sent for you." I started by breaking the news to her about the eight week deadline. She was understandably upset, but then I could see that emotion taken over by another one - urgency. She was ready to turn and run back to her lab and begin work, only military discipline holding her in place. I couldn't do it to her, couldn't make her stay and help with my little problem when both she and I knew every second of those eight weeks counted.

"Sorry I couldn't do any better, Carter." I nodded a dismissal. "You better get to work."

She barely took time for a "Yes, sir" before leaving, practically running.

The other two members of my team gave me quizzical looks.

"Why do I have the feeling that wasn't the only reason you sent for us?" Daniel pulled out a chair and sat down, settling his glasses more comfortably on his nose as he did so.

"Because you'd be right." I didn't bother telling Teal'c to take a seat, I knew he was more comfortable standing, so I launched straight into an explanation. By the end of it Daniel was smiling, and Teal'c looked sort of hungry.

"Can we not kill him, O'Neill?"

I knew there was a reason why I liked Teal'c so much. I shook my head sorrowfully. "Unfortunately, that's a 'no'."

Teal'c looked as disappointed as I was. "It would be quite legal on Chulak, O'Neill."

"Uh..Jack?" Daniel's gaze was shifting back and forth between Teal'c and myself, as if he was waiting for the punch line. "

"Yes, Daniel?"

"Can I offer a suggestion?"

I managed to raise a tiny, hopeful smile. "Sure."

"Tell the President."

I sighed, lowering my eyes despondently to the already overflowing in tray on the corner of my desk. "I can't do that, Daniel. The request is one the committee has every right to make and I don't have any grounds for complaint. The fact that it will tie up Hammond and I in paperwork is something that we can point out, especially as the information is already available in different forms, but I can't see us getting any sympathy from Kinsey. It's the timing of it that stinks."

I pictured several colour-coded trays neatly aligned against the edge of my desk, each with little printed labels, and each overflowing with forms.

I pushed my chair back quickly and stood.

"I'm going to go shoot something."

I had left the office before they could even react.

* * *

I stood in the shower, letting the warm water ease my tense shoulder muscles. Although scaring the young airmen out at the range by demolishing a few targets with my P90 had been fun, it hadn't done anything to solve my problem. I hadn't felt this tense for weeks, not since before my vacation.

After my injury and then the health scare, Teal'c, Carter and Daniel had conspired with George and the Doc to make me organise the trip I had been given for my birthday.

I landed in Sydney, Australia on a wet, windy, thoroughly miserable day. Not at all what I expected. No clear blue skies, and warm temperatures. I suppose someone has to be there when it rains, but why me? I looked out the window of my hotel room and watched the green and tan ferries busily crossing the harbour and disgorging umbrella holding people, all of whom vanished into the featureless office blocks surrounding Circular Quay.

Despite the Doc's orders, I made my way to the hotel bar.

It was the best thing I could have done. I returned to the SGC with a tan from the sun filled days that followed the rain and an enormously increased vocabulary from my new drinking buddies, much to Daniel's obvious amusement.

I had come back relaxed and ready for work.

I should have stayed in Sydney.

I was not a happy little vegemite.

* * *

My skin was starting to wrinkle by the time I left the shower, but I was beginning to have the inkling of a plan. I dressed and went to find George. He was in the Control Room waiting for SG-7 to return from their investigation of the mineral deposits on PDX-733. I gave him a quick run down of my idea and left him in a much happier frame of mind.

That night I slept well.

* * *

"General O'Neill?" My aid poked his head around the door of the locker room, "There is a call for you from the President."

I finished tying my laces. "Please tell him I'm busy and I'll have to call him back. Ask him if there is any message."

"Sir?" The horrified look on his face was echoed by the other listeners, whose ears had pricked up as soon as the word 'President' had been uttered.

"Is there a problem?" I gave my best glare and he snapped to attention.

"No, General." I nodded a dismissal and he practically ran out of the room.

I left the locker room unhurriedly, secretively smiling at the whispers that erupted before the door had even closed behind.

"The President asked you to ring back, sir." I had barely made it into the room before my aid gave me the message, his voice anxious.

I sat behind my desk, eyeing the mounds of paper covering it with a bleak smile, then, after sufficient time had passed, I returned the President's call.

He didn't sound happy. I apologised for the delay and explained that I was unable to discuss the hockey final as I had so much work to catch up on. My conversation was brief, to the point, formal, and swift.

I hung up and grinned.

* * *

I took several more calls from the President over the next week or so. Each time I was professional, courteous and brief. No chats. No long discussions.

It was one Saturday afternoon when George called me to his office.

His face was impassive as I sat down.

"I've just had a complaint from the President." His tone was level.

I raised my Teal'c eyebrow. "Really? I'm sorry to hear that. What was it concerning?"

With his face breaking into a grin as wide as Texas he replied. "He wanted to know why you were so busy all the time. I reluctantly told him about the extra paperwork."

"Reluctantly?"

"Well I made it clear I didn't want to complain."

I smiled. "Of course not."

"He told me that he would look into it."

We were both grinning like maniacs.

"Sweet."

* * *

My desk was clear. My in trays were empty.

"Sir, the President's on the line."

I picked up the receiver.

"Great game wasn't it, Mr President? Sure, I've got time to talk." I sat back and put my feet up on the desk, getting comfortable.

Life is good sometimes.

* * *


	18. Failing Expectations

Failing Expectations

* * *

It isn't true.

It didn't happen.

There is this aching empty spot, sitting in my chest, and there is nothing I can do about it. I can feel George's eyes on me, feel him watching me as if he's afraid I'll do something like break, or bolt, or god knows what, but I won't, because the main sensation I have is numbness. I can't do anything except sit here, waiting for something else to happen, something that will change reality and put things right.

If I don't move, it won't have happened.

"Jack?"

I've told him. I told him what I did. Isn't that enough? Now I've stopped.

I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. For the sword to fall.

I can feel George's gaze, and I drop my eyes to the notepad in front of me. It's plain and white. Totally unused. Next to it is a glass of water, the surface shifting slightly as my leg trembles. Here everything looks so normal. The briefing room where we have summed up so many wondrous events in a few phrases, the table – unscratched despite the way my pen always taps and scrapes it, the chairs – not too comfortable, yet good enough for long meetings, the General.

The two generals. George and I.

Rank never makes you right or infallible. Rank gives you opportunities to cause more heartbreak.

Generals make mistakes too, it's just that their's are bigger than average.

You can get people killed.

Even friends.

* * *

A meeting between three friends. I was in my diplomat mode – the one I thought I had become so skilled at lately. General Jack O'Neill, Diplomat To The Stars. I made all the arrangements. It was an informal little gathering, just myself, Flavell – leader of the Heptaurus, and Thor – Supreme Commander of the Asgard Fleet. Flavell had never met an Asgard, and although he seemed reasonably calm at the prospect, he was concerned that the other members of his council would not be quite as unruffled.

So there was just the three of us in the middle of the wide, open grassy area near the gate, sitting – or at least Flavell and I were sitting, Thor was standing. My team and Flavell's personal guard were far enough away that they could see us but not hear what was being said. Refreshments had been provided, bottles of water - condensation still beading on their glass surface, some pleasant fruit, smelling vaguely like peaches and apricots, and small individual containers of something that, from Flavell's description, could be yoghurt.

All in all, a very pleasant meeting. It just needed some beer, a few steaks and it would have been perfect.

The whole affair was my baby. I had nursed it from its tentative beginnings months ago when we first met the Heptaurus, and realised just how much we could gain from an alliance, to its fruition in this meeting. They had the same hatred of the Goa'uld as we did, with some pretty nifty weapons to back it up, and had managed to drive the last snake from their world centuries ago. I had broached the subject of trade with Flavell, pointing out the mutual benefits – their weapons for our communication technology – and he had leapt at the opportunity.

There had been just one stumbling block. He wanted a third party to oversee the negotiations. After much discussion we had a solution. I contacted the Asgard and Thor arrived.

The umpire.

I smiled at the thought, the image of Thor dressed in umpire gear, skating around, tussling ice hockey players, briefly tripped through my mind.

"Some more jorpo, General?" Flavell held out one of the yellow and pink fruits, balancing it on his large hand.

I shook my head, smiling. "No thanks." I took a few more sips of the wonderfully cool water and turned to Thor. "I think we're about done here." I was extremely pleased with myself. The trade deal was fair to both sides, Thor had seen to that.

I was so proud.

"I'll call my team over." I reached for my radio, thinking how annoyed Daniel had been to be left out of the negotiations.

"Yes. You do that. I also have a call to make." My hand paused in mid motion. In a fraction of a second Flavell's tone had completely changed. He held a small glowing disk, far more advanced than anything I had yet seen on his planet. Before I could react he pressed down on it, then raised his eyes to mine and smiled. "He is coming." Flavell said the single sentence as if he was announcing the second coming of Christ, and my spine tingled with the warning I had learnt never to ignore.

The warning came too late.

I was aware of people running towards us, from too far away to make any difference, but most of my attention was on the figure in the middle of the rings that had appeared in front of us.

Everything stopped.

He raised his hand, palm out, his smile sardonic and cold.

I stood frozen. My heart already dead.

The beam lashed out, its killing power undeniable, its light more intense than any I had seen. It reached out to me.

But something interrupted it.

It stopped.

And Thor's body hit the ground at my feet.

* * *

I can hear George getting up, the sound of his chair scraping across the carpet loud in the silence. Even knowing he had moved, the touch of his hand on my arm made me start.

I had been lost in the memory.

The small body, ruined and crumpled, blood – a deep rich purple – pouring from the hole in his chest, organs that I didn't recognise exposed to the air and sun. Large eyes open and staring.

"Son?"

Don't say it.

Don't say it isn't my fault.

It is.

The blame falls squarely on me.

I'm the one who arranged the meeting. I'm the one who trusted Flavell. I'm the one who invited Thor.

I'm the one who froze.

I'm the one he saved.

I'm the one who killed him.

Me.

This time there could be no excuses.

"No." I staggered slightly as I got to my feet, but I made it, George stepping back to give me room. I'm not sure what I was about to say, except that it didn't ask for words of comfort. No, I'm not all right. "Permission to be excused, sir." I hide my emotions in formality.

"Report to the infirmary, Jack." Hammond raised his voice, forestalling my protests. "Get your injuries seen to. That's an order. You should have gone there first."

I nodded, knowing he was right. "Yes, sir." Only my rank, and the fact I had totally ignored her, had prevented the Doc making an issue of it when I had refused her orders in the Gateroom. I remembered her look of shock as I had pushed past her and into the Briefing Room, knowing that George would soon follow me.

I looked down at my hands, covered in my own blood, and wondered why I felt nothing.

I felt the General's eyes searing into my back as I left the room, knowing that his compassion must be tempered by condemnation.

* * *

He had been angry. As angry as I had ever seen him, and I had seen him many times. He was a cold bastard, not given to emotional scenes.

He had stood, glaring down at Thor's body, before raising his glowing eyes to mine. "Months of planning. Months. Ruined." He stalked towards me, stepping contemptuously over my dead friend, and backhanded me across the face, throwing me viciously onto the grass. "How many times do I need to kill you before you understand that I only left you alive for my own pleasure?"

Ba'al smiled his devil smile at me and crushed my fingers underfoot as if I was a bug, grinding and breaking the bones.

"Perhaps all is not lost, after all, I still have you."

It meant nothing. Just a jumble of words strung together into sounds. I watched Thor. Watched as he became nothing more than a shell. A shell that had held one of the clearest, cleanest lights to ever shine.

Ba'al followed my gaze, his eyes calculating. "He could still be of use. Something may be salvaged from this." He beckoned to Flavell, an interested observer on the sideline and pointed at Thor' s body. "Pick him up. We shall return to my ship."

No.

I wouldn't let them.

I pulled a fury I hid deep within myself, and dragged it up to the surface. There was no way in hell that evil snake was going to take Thor. My time in his hands had taught me that it was better to stay dead.

I felt the anger, red hot within me. It was always there, always carefully hidden. This time it rose, burning, until I felt it fill and consume me. I reached Ba'al before he could move, my broken hand forgotten. My blood mingled with his as I danced the movements ingrained into me, striking out, taking him down to the ground just as he had taken me. Distant voices called out, sounds I knew I should know lost in the raging, lethal animal I had become.

I flowed.

Until he lay before me, crushed. Defeated.

I came back to myself, sudden exhaustion driving me to my knees, my head hanging.

"O'Neill." Teal'c knelt beside me. "It is over. We must leave."

I gathered the energy to nod, and tried to stand. He took my arm, and without it I couldn't have risen. Blood ran from my hands and stained his shirt, leaving patterns too beautiful for horror. So much blood.

I was aware of Carter and Daniel, staring at me, their expressions as open as children's. Shock, horror, fear – it was all there. I reached my hand out, seeing Daniel flinch from me, "Zat." Wordlessly, Carter passed the weapon over and I took three deliberate, well-aimed shots, dissolving the Goa'uld into nothingness before dropping it from fingers that still hadn't felt their pain.

I turned, cradling my hand, the blood still dripping.

He was gone.

"Where?" It was all I had energy to say, but they understood.

"Flavell escaped via a ring transport just as we got here, sir." Carter looked around nervously. "We were delayed by his guards. I don't know what happened to Thor. He was already gone." She had her weapon ready, scanning the surrounding countryside. "We should leave. Ba'al must have a ship in orbit, and we may have company arriving any moment now."

"I concur, O'Neill." Teal'c's deep voice broke into my confused thoughts. "We must leave immediately."

Thor's body was gone. I couldn't even make sure he finally got home. I had even failed him in that.

I nodded.

I needed to go home too.

* * *

The Doc was upset that I hadn't reported straight to the infirmary when I had returned, that I had insisted on speaking to General Hammond first, despite my injuries. She had already heard what happened from my team. She asked no questions, just helped me off with my shirt, and told me to lie down.

The first touch was feather light; the second had me clutching desperately at the edge of the bed.

"Sorry, General." She motioned to a nurse, who handed her an already prepared needle. "You'll need stitches for the cut on your cheek."

I nodded, just wanting it done so I could get out of here.

I felt the tension that had held me sane for the last hour, slowly flowing away, and I glared at the Doc accusingly as I drifted into my nightmares.

Each time I tried to stop him. Each time I couldn't. He died over and over, jumping into the beam with surprising speed. Sacrificing himself for me.

I could do nothing to change it. I tried.

Over and over, until I woke to the reality that it was true. My friend was dead.

I raised my hand to my eyes, but let it drop heavily to the bed before it reached them, the cast thumping on the mattress.

"Sir. Here."

I took greedy mouthfuls of the offered water, my thirst only registering as I drank.

"I'll get the doctor."

"No." I snagged the edge of her sleeve with my good hand, making the nurse turn back. I shook my head emphatically. I saw the hesitation, the question and then the answer flashing through her mind. She took the easy route of obeying the general, just as I had hoped.

"All right, sir. Try to get some more sleep."

I nodded, and settled down to wait. I could tell it was night by the dimmed lighting and lack of noise. Hopefully the Doc was safely asleep as well. After a while I heard the sound of a door closing in the main ward, and I sat up, thankful I had none of the usual monitors attached to me this time. I stood, feeling only slightly dizzy, and grabbed a robe from the end of the bed, pulling it awkwardly around me.

I left.

I avoided anyone in the corridors, and made it to my quarters unnoticed. The mirror showed me what I already knew by touch – a long line of stitches down my left cheek almost to my jaw line, held together with butterfly clips and surrounded by bruises. Cutting the sleeve of a shirt I managed to drag it on over the cast on my right hand, buttoning it one handed with the proficiency that only comes from much practise. Finishing dressing, I drank another glass of water and opened the door.

I had no destination in mind. I just knew I had to get there, that there was something important left to do. There was still something I needed to find.

My locker door made a soft metallic thump as I opened it, coming back at me as if it didn't want to move. I pulled the photo from it, careful not to rip the corners, and looked at the happy face of my son. Over the years I had convinced myself that his death had been a cruel accident, that it wasn't totally my fault.

That it wasn't my fate to see those I cared about die.

Another meaningless death to be laid at my feet.

I tucked the photo into my pocket and shut the locker door.

This time I knew where I was going, and it didn't take me long to reach the infirmary. I could see the young nurse hunched over the desk, her face streaked with tears, Doc Fraiser standing over her.

"Doc." At the sound of my voice both their heads turned, Janet's mouth open in surprise. "I'd like to speak with you, in private." I gestured towards her office, and turned, giving her no choice but to follow.

"Shut the door." I took her chair, and motioned her to sit in the only other chair in the room - one for visitors - a move that obviously threw her off kilter. As I planned. "I take full responsibility for my actions. I ordered your nurse to not tell you I had woken, and I deliberately mislead her into thinking I was going back to sleep. No blame should be attached to her at all."

"She knew better." Her voice was tough and uncompromising.

"No she didn't. You can't expect her to disobey a direct order from a general. I knew that and I took advantage of it." I looked the Doc straight in the eyes. "And I'm sure General Hammond will see it the same way."

The Doc nodded curtly. "I hope whatever you had to do, it was worth the effort, sir."

I touched the photo in my pocket with my left hand and nodded. "I needed to get something. Something that reminded me exactly where blame should rest." I pushed back the chair and got to my feet. "Now I'm going to talk to the General. If you have a problem with any of this you know where to find me."

* * *

I knew he would be there. He was always there when I needed him.

And he was there this time too.

"Come in, Jack. Isn't this an odd hour for Doctor Fraiser to release you?"

"Yes, it would be if she had. I released myself."

He scrubbed his hand across his face. "What exactly are you doing here, son?"

"I need to speak with the Asgard. I need to tell them what happened, how he died." I paced restlessly over the carpet, stopping at the desk as he answered.

"And how exactly did he die, Jack?"

"I killed him." I couldn't stand still. I started pacing again.

"That's why I'm not going to let you talk to them." He stood and moved around the desk, standing in front of me, right in my path. "Jack, sit down."

I didn't want to sit down but I had no choice, so I sat stiffly in the chair, every nerve on edge with the need to move, to do something. In the space of a few hours I'd gone from frozen to manic. My hand ached, my cheek burned, my mind churned and tossed through endless recriminations.

Then, in the silence of the moment, I accepted Hammond's words. I was in no fit state to be talking to anyone, let alone the Asgard.

I settled back into the cushioned seat, and lowered my head, feeling the betrayal of moisture hovering just under the lashes of my eyes. I blinked it away and looked up defiantly into my commanding officer's face.

"Don't worry. I won't do anything stupid, but they have to be told."

"They know, Jack. I contacted them myself as soon as your team gave me their report." He perched on the desk, his leg touching mine. "I told them Commander Thor had been killed by Ba'al whilst saving your life. They took the news very calmly."

I couldn't help myself. I laughed. Calmly – yes, I'm sure they took it calmly. They were used to dying, considering how many of them had done it over the centuries. The Asgard were always calm. How many did that leave? How many of those indispensable little aliens, who wormed their way into your life leaving a gaping hole when they were gone?

"I want to go home now."

I wanted to get out of there, back to my own house, open a bottle of something strong and grieve.

I wanted to be indulgent.

I wanted to play poker with my friend.

"I'm sorry, son, but you're in no fit state to go home." George's words were oddly comforting. He had taken charge of me. He was making the decisions, and I could just go along with what he wanted. I didn't need to think about it anymore.

I let my eyes shut, the sound of his voice speaking into the telephone a calming counterpoint to my own breathing.

"Jack. Come on, let's go to your quarters." I found Daniel leaning over me and my puzzlement must have showed because he leaned in closer and explained as he helped me stand. "The General asked me to come get you."

It was the middle of the night, and George had asked Daniel to come get me. Not only that, but I hadn't even noticed. I looked at the short, pugnacious older man standing beside me, an anxious look on his face, and realised just how much I must be worrying him.

"Go on, son. Try to get some sleep." He shepherded me out of his office. I glanced back as we turned the corner, to see him still watching.

* * *

"You don't need to stay." The trip to my quarters had exhausted my already flagging reserves of energy. I sat wearily on my bed, eyeing the bottom drawer of my closet with longing.

"I know I don't. I'll get some glasses." He took the bottle from its hiding place, poured the amber liquid and handed one to me, hesitating when my left hand shook. "Are you sure? I bet Janet wouldn't approve."

"I'm sure, and does it really look like I care if anyone approves or not." I hadn't meant my reply to be so harsh, but it came out that way and I saw the result when Daniel stiffened up and pulled back. It reminded me of the way he had flinched after I killed Ba'al.

I swallowed the whiskey down quickly, giving a small cough when its heat hit, before allowing it to settle deeply into my stomach.

"At least lie down." Daniel took one sip of his drink and set the glass on the table, watching as I swung my legs up and lay back, my arm shielding my eyes from the light. The throbbing pain from my broken fingers was increasing, a constant reminder of what had happened.

Daniel cleared his throat.

Oh crap – here it came, it wasn't your fault, it'll be okay, and all those other platitudes that I really didn't want to hear.

"At least you don't need to worry about Ba'al anymore." Startled, I peered out from under the shelter of my arm and was surprised by the slight smile Daniel gave. "I don't think there was enough of him left to scrape together for any sarcophagus, even before the zat."

I thought about it for a moment before responding. "I had issues."

"No, really?" He shuddered, underlining the sarcasm in his voice.

My 'issues' got Thor killed. The sight of that bastard snake had frozen me like a rabbit in headlights. It was strange, I had thought many times about what I would do if I saw Ba'al again. I had planned in minute detail, exactly what I would say, how I would act, but instead I had stood there and watched, unable to do anything except panic. It had taken my friend's death to snap me out of it. Sure, I had killed Ba'al, but by then it was too late.

I shut my eyes again. "Sorry you had to see that."

"I'm not." Daniel's voice was cold and hard. "If anyone deserved to die, Ba'al did. I'm only sorry that it wasn't slower. He should have suffered, like he made you suffer. I hope he rots in Hell."

"Yeah." I had to agree.

"I have to admit, Jack, I was shocked by the way you killed him." He hurried on and I realised he was responding to my own distress. "I've never seen anything like that, never even realised someone could kill so easily," he glanced up as I twitched in response, " but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't have done it. I'm glad he's dead."

I turned over, cradling the cast on my hand and facing the wall. The stitches pulled tight across my face as I held myself in check, refusing to respond to the emotion in his voice.

"You won't get any argument from me about that, Daniel."

"Jack?" He was hesitant. "We should talk about Thor."

"No, we shouldn't, Daniel. You should go back to bed and let me get some sleep."

"Jack..."

"Daniel. I'm not talking about it, so get over it, okay. I'm tired. I want to go to sleep."

"Damnit, Jack! I don't understand. You can't just act as if nothing has happened. What about Thor's body? We don't even know where it is, if it was transported up to Ba'al's ship. We should at least try to be find out what happened."

I knew that. It was part of that deep down feeling of wrongness, the feeling that there were things I needed to do, but I couldn't get up the energy to even think about, much less act upon. It was like I was slipping into quicksand.

Daniel was still talking. "We've seen how badly this has affected you. You've got us all worried."

"Well, sorry about that, Daniel. I'll try to be a little less worrying in future." I twisted, grimacing as I moved, feeling the pain growing. He was standing near me, looking tired and drawn. "Get to bed. This discussion is ended. Turn off the light as you leave" I coiled myself up on my side again and shut my eyes, waiting until the room was in darkness and the door closed behind him.

The photograph was still in my pocket. I took it out and held it tight against me. I didn't need the light to see it, not after all these years. Its image was etched into my heart.

* * *

The loud knock didn't wake me. I had only drifted through what little had remained of the night, falling asleep to wake minutes later, the same nightmare never going beyond the moment when Thor died.

I sat, feeling every one of my years, my head full and heavy. "Who is it?"

"Doctor Fraiser, sir. May I come in?"

"Just a minute." I pushed myself up, going to the bathroom and wiping my face over with cold water, carefully keeping the cut dry. The image in the mirror was even worse than yesterday, the bruises black and stark against the paleness of my skin, my eyes hooded with fatigue. I wouldn't be surprised if the Doc ordered me straight back to the infirmary.

There was nothing I could do about it, so I ran a comb through my hair, threw on some clean clothes and opened the door. The Doc's reaction was all I could have asked for.

"I want you back down in the Infirmary. Now." She added a "Sir" at the last minute.

"I don't have time for that." I interrupted her as she opened her mouth to argue, holding my right hand out to her. "My fingers are set, my cheek is stitched. They are hardly life threatening injuries. What exactly would you do with me if I did come with you?"

"For a start, I'd make sure you got some sleep, General," she snapped in answer.

I stepped around her, closing the door as I did so. "I may take you up on that later, Doc, but right now I have things I need to do."

She stepped in front of me, her short figure blocking my path, her eyes blazing "At least promise me you'll come and see me if you feel any pain." I don't know what made her change what she was about to say, but she looked into my eyes for a second and then stopped, a slight smile crossing her lips. "Any more pain than you're already experiencing I mean."

"I will, Doc. You have my word on that."

Janet nodded. "That's all I ask, sir."

* * *

Carter was in the control room, mulling over some esoteric detail of wormhole travel with Siler. Lights were flashing, computers were buzzing away, personnel were sitting at their workstations doing who knew what.

In other words, everything was normal.

Except for the way people looked at me.

You protect your team and your allies.

You don't leave anyone behind.

Well, so much for those rules.

General Hammond was in his office, looking only slightly more rested than I. He put down the document he was reading, and waited until I was seated before speaking.

"You look like hell, son."

"You don't look too good yourself, George."

He didn't smile. He just nodded, acknowledging the truth in what I had said. "How's the hand?"

"Hurts." I gave him that 'd'uh' look. It was throbbing and painful, having an angry Goa'uld stamping on it hadn't helped.

He nodded again. "Before you ask, we've tried contacting the Asgard several times, and still have had no reply." His face became even more troubled, if that were possible, as he continued. "I contacted the President and told him what had happened. He is very concerned that our friendship with the Asgard may be damaged."

I could understand that. I didn't have an exactly perfect track record as far as the Asgard were concerned. First I got Supreme Commander Thor shot, then I got him killed. I could see how that could damage relations.

There was one thing I could try though. I pulled the small communicator Thor had given me from my pocket and laid it on George's desk.

"This is set to Thor's personal frequency and it may not work now." I didn't say 'now that he is dead', I didn't have to; we both knew what I was thinking. "But it's worth a try."

"Yes it is."

I didn't look up as I answered George. "I know you're worried about me talking to them, but I have to do this. I have to know what happened to Thor's body. If he's still in the hands of the Goa'uld, I have to get him back." I looked up then, straight into Hammond's concerned eyes. "I don't care what it takes, I will get him back."

"You don't need to convince me, Jack. You have my full support." George's strong, honest voice rang with certainty as he continued. "No one blames you for what happened, son, but I know nothing I say will convince you of that. I know you too well. Do what you have to do."

I stretched out my hand and took the communicator. My thumb hovered over the small indent, and then I pressed it firmly.

There was no answer.

We sat, waiting. George was beginning to shift in his chair, when he seemed to shimmer. The familiar sensation of an Asgard transport beam tingled over my body, and I found myself standing on the bridge of a ship, with Earth stretched out below me.

"General O'Neill, welcome."

I turned to the Asgard standing a few feet from me. Now that the moment had come, I was at a loss for words. The Earth Asgard alliance might hang on what I said in the next few minutes, but all I could think of was a blinding light and a small body falling at my feet. All I could think of was what I had lost.

"I am Supreme Commander Myton, Commander Thor's replacement."

My heart sank. Thor's replacement. Even though I had known it was impossible, deep in my heart there made been a tiny shred of hope still clinging. Now it was torn away. There was only one thing left to know.

"Thor's body disappeared. Do you know where it is?"

Myton's large eyes blinked in response to my abrupt question. "Of course. It was transported to this ship." He seemed puzzled. "I had assumed that was why you contacted us." He must have sensed my confusion, because he hurried on. "Commander Thor left instructions that if anything should happen to him, you should be present for the disposal of his body. I was under the impression he had told you of this, and was waiting for your communication."

I shook my head, desperately trying to straighten it all out in my mind. One fact shone through above all else. Thor was dead. He had wanted me at his funeral.

He was dead.

"If you would come with me, General." Myton gestured to a door to the left. I followed the small alien through the empty corridors of the vast vessel, until we entered a room, empty except for one thing.

On the gleaming white table was the ruined body of my friend.

I couldn't help it. I put out my hand and touched the cold flesh, suppressing the sob that threatened to rip my throat open.

It was fitting that I be here to see the damage I had done by my inaction. I had done this, and one day I would have to pay the price.

I realised that I had no idea what the Asgard did with their dead. Would he be buried, cremated? Would there be a grave, or some sort of memorial? I had to know. I made myself ask.

"What will happen to Commander Thor's body?"

Myton blinked twice, a sure sign of a puzzled Asgard. "It will be recycled." He said it as if it was the only possible reply.

Recycled? My stomach churned and I decided that I didn't need any more answers. I didn't want to be here for that. I was about to ask to be sent back to Earth, when Myton continued.

"Now, would you follow me?" He gave me no chance to refuse, leaving the room at what to the Asgard was almost a run. Within a few seconds he was opening the door to another room, this time lined with machinery.

"Please place your hand inside this opening." He indicated a small grey box, a hole just large enough for a hand on the top. Another Asgard stood in front of some controls, seemingly concentrating on the incomprehensible readings shown on the screens.

I stepped back. "Why?"

Three blinks this time. "I don't understand. Why do you hesitate? Commander Thor does not have much time left. This is a great honour."

It must be something to do with the funeral. Perhaps my putting my hand in the box activates something and starts the recycling process.

Perhaps not.

I wanted answers.

I bent down and looked Myton in the eye. "You have to explain what is going on. I really don't understand." And that was the understatement of the century.

"Did not Commander Thor explain?"

"No, he didn't." I shook my head, frustration beginning to increase the ache in my hand and face.

Myton straightened up to his full height, an air of wonder in his voice. "Commander Thor left instructions that your DNA be included in his new body."

The strength left my legs and I found myself bracing myself against a shelf, trembling. I could hardly bring myself to hope that what I had heard was true. "His new body?"

"Do you need assistance, General?" Myton was looking very anxious.

"Is Thor alive?"

"We were able to preserve his consciousness, if that's what you mean, but we must move quickly. The transfer must be started as soon as possible to prevent loss of data. Unfortunately it will be some time before his new body can be grown, so I have been given control of the fleet until it is ready." He crouched beside me, and I only then realised I was sitting on the floor. "I am sorry, General O'Neill. We thought you knew this, or we would have contacted you sooner. Our scientists have determined that the mingling of your DNA with Commander Thor's will result in a stronger and more viable body. It is not the solution to our problems, but it will help regenerate the body much faster than would otherwise be possible."

I felt light headed and short of breath. Hours without sleep hit all at once, and I could only think one thought.

Thor was alive.

It didn't matter how long it took for his new body to grow.

I pushed myself up, Myton's bony hand helping me, and staggered to the box. With a nod to the Asgard waiting patiently at the controls, I thrust my left hand into the opening. As heat enveloped my hand and spread up my body, I smiled.

As soon as I got home, I'd ask the Doc for some of her happy juice and I would sleep for days.

Ba'al was dead and Thor was alive.

I had been given a second chance.

* * *


	19. Imminent Downfall

Imminent Downfall

* * *

I rematerialised in the best science fiction tradition, in a beam of glowy light, in my own quarters. I promptly sat down.

I felt like crap.

Tired. Very, very tired.

I really needed to tell George I was back. I just had to shut my eyes for a minute. My arms were on the desk, my head was down on my arms, and my eyes were closed.

Just resting.

Just for a minute.

Thor was alive.

It was the uncomfortable feeling of pressure on my arm that woke me. I lifted my head, and peered blurrily at the clock on the wall. Four hours. No wonder my arm hurt.

I was still tired.

Thor was alive.

* * *

I managed to spruce myself up, leaning against the hand basin in the small bathroom, and made myself respectable enough to be seen in public. Well, as respectable as someone with lines on his forehead from resting on a cast can be. I would go tell George I was back, and then check myself into the infirmary.

But first I'd just have a little lie down on the bed.

* * *

I peered at the clock. Three hours this time. This was getting old very quickly.

Thor was alive.

I snuggled down into the blankets and promptly fell asleep again.

* * *

Thor was alive.

That was the thought in my mind when I finally woke properly for the first time in what seemed like days. Another wash and change of clothes and I managed to achieve the gargantuan task of opening the door and exiting the room. Hey – don't laugh! It only took me ten hours to get this far. I felt better than I had in days.

I had almost reached George's office when the raucous noise of the gate alarm echoed off the walls. It was then that I realised there was one legacy of all that sleep – a delicate head that resented being made to think. I turned on my heels and headed for the control room as the announcement of unscheduled visitors came out of the speakers.

The General was just ordering the iris open so I presumed it was one of our allies that was about to arrive. He didn't even blink as I came up alongside of him. He had become as accustomed to my unexpected reappearances as I had.

He answered my unspoken question. "Tok'ra."

That was a surprise. We hadn't had much contact with the Tok'ra since they backed out of our alliance. In fact, the last time I had anything to do with them other than Jacob, it had indirectly been the cause of my capture by Ba'al for the second time.

Not my favourite people.

The two men who walked down the ramp were strangers to me. They were dressed in the usual Tok'ra uniform of artistically torn rough leather and cloth, as if they were modelling for a 'try too hard' fashion designer. Even the way they stepped onto the gate room floor showed the same arrogance as a model on a Paris catwalk.

"We must talk."

So much for the niceties.

George leaned forward and spoke into the microphone. "Please show our guests to the briefing room." He watched for a moment as they were led off, before finally turning to me. After staring at me appraisingly, he nodded and gave me a slight smile. "You're looking a lot better, Jack." He gestured towards his office. "Shall we?"

"What about...?" I didn't bother finishing the sentence. There was no need.

"They can wait."

I followed George to his office and waited for him to take his seat behind the desk, before sitting down. I didn't wait for him to speak.

"He's alive." I was sure that the grin on my face was enough to tell him who I meant.

"How?"

I told the General exactly what Myton had told me. That Thor was being regrown, with all his memories transferred into the new body. I explained that Thor had asked that I be the one to start the process. I just didn't explain how. I didn't tell him about the DNA.

I couldn't really put my finger on why I didn't want to tell him. There was something special about it, something I didn't want to be investigated and picked apart. That would be exactly what would happen if I told George. I'd be questioned and my responses would be gone over with a fine tooth comb. They would turn something that made me feel good, into a nightmare.

And I'd had enough nightmares lately.

The Tok'ra glared at us when we entered the briefing room, their impatience at the delay obvious. They stayed seated, every gesture signalling their contempt. General Hammond must have sensed the atmosphere as well, because his first words were curtly spoken.

"I'm General Hammond. This is General O'Neill. And you are?"

The older looking of the two men replied, older being of course subjective, who knew how old these snakes in lamb's clothing were? He even had a few streaks of grey in his otherwise black hair. Must have gotten the short straw when the hosts were being handed out. "I am Say'tar and this," he gestured with one hand to the man beside him, 'is Jos'van. We have come to ask two questions."

George nodded. "I won't guarantee that I will answer them, but go ahead."

"They are for O'Neill." Jos'van's voice was cold. "Did you kill Ba'al?"

Wow, news certainly travelled fast. I didn't try to hide my dislike, answering with one word only. "Yes."

They exchanged glances, their expressions unreadable.

It was Say'tar who spoke next. "Did you cause the death of Supreme Commander Thor of the Asgard?"

Again I answered economically. I wouldn't let these bastards see the emotion their question had dug up from where I had buried it under the delight in knowing Thor would be back. "Yes, I did."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw George flinch as if hit. The Tok'ra pushed back their chairs and stood.

"Just one god damn minute here!" George was almost shouting, glaring between our two visitors and me. I don't know who he was angrier with. I think I probably won by a short nose. "General O'Neill did not kill Commander Thor. He.."

Say'tar broke in, his deep voice overwhelming that of the General's. "One of our operatives was serving in Ba'al's army. He saw everything. He saw Commander Thor sacrifice himself to save the life of a coward who stood waiting to die." I couldn't help myself; I lowered my eyes, the memory of Thor's death still vivid.

"We should tell them." The harsh Goa'uld syllables surprised me out of my reverie. Tell us what? The fact I spoke Goa'uld was a snippet of information that apparently their smart ass little spies hadn't acquired.

Jos'van's quick reply was almost too soft for me to hear. "They do not deserve to be warned."

Warned about what?

Say'tar gave the other man a stern glance. He continued around the table, but paused next to George, looking down at the shorter man. "We have tried to contact the Asgard. There has been no reply. We suspect they have withdrawn from our galaxy. The last vessel in this area left several of your hours ago"

This time George managed to interrupt.

"This is ridiculous. General O'Neill has just returned from an Asgard ship." He held his hand up to forestall another comment from the Tok'ra and continued. "Commander Thor is being regenerated. And.." He paused, glaring, daring anyone to interrupt again, "despite what your operative said, Commander Thor's death was not the fault of General O'Neill and the Asgard attach no blame to him. Furthermore, I resent the implications..."

This time Jos'van was almost shouting. "You may resent what you wish. Our scans have shown no Asgard vessels anywhere near Earth, and if O'Neill has told you he was on one, then I would be doubting his word. He has already shown himself to be a coward, a liar is just a short step further along the same path."

George took a step closer and stared belligerently into the other man's face. He didn't even raise his voice, his tone icy. "How dare you accuse one of my officers of such a thing. I will ask you to leave this facility immediately."

"Wait a minute." I spoke for the first time since answering the Tok'ra's questions. "You've never had the technology to detect Asgard ships. How do you know they've left?"

"You doubt our word?" Again Jos'van was the one to answer, his face flushed red with anger.

I'd had enough of that son of a bitch. I stepped right up into his personal space and grabbed him by the jacket collar with my one good hand. "You just called me a liar, you bastard. I have every right to doubt your word."

"Jack!"

"Jos'van."

Both voices spoke together as George and Say'tar reacted to the confrontation. I stopped, realising I just might have a tiger by the tail. I released my grip and moved back. There was no point to acting like this. It would only make things worse than they already were.

Jos'van's eyes flashed white, the look on his face was thunderous. "You did well to give up. It was only the fact that you are injured that prevented me from snapping your arm like a twig." The echoes in his snakey voice were a timely reminder just how right he was.

"Come, Jos'van. Leave him. This fighting with a coward such as he is beneath you." Say'tar admonished the other man in Goa'uld once more. It took all my willpower not to react to his words. He turned to George and gave a curt nod. "We will leave now. Have the gate dialled to the coordinates we left with your men."

George placed a restraining hand on my arm. "Can't we discuss this more calmly? There is a misunderstanding here that we should clear up."

"There is no misunderstanding, General Hammond." Say'tar continued to walk to the door of the briefing room, Jos'van close on his heels. "O'Neill's actions have caused the Asgard to withdraw from our galaxy, losing us our most valuable ally."

Jos'van had one parting shot to give. He paused at the door, looked me up and down and spat. "This is not finished, coward." He turned on his heels, leaving the floor with a wet spot, and me with the knowledge that I had a new enemy to add to the already too long list.

"Oh shit!" I didn't bother going to the observation window to watch the Tok'ra leave, I dropped into a chair and ran my hand through my hair, my heart pounding. I heard George pull out a chair across the table from me, but I didn't look up. Suddenly all the adrenaline that had coursed through my veins while the Tok'ra were here had gone, leaving me with a headache, a throbbing cheek, and a deep sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I couldn't help but see the situation from the Tok'ra's point of view. Their operative had reported my hesitation, Thor's sacrifice, then Ba'al's death at my hands. They must have tried to contact the Asgard, and had their messages go unanswered. Then the Asgard ships had left.

Much though I hated to admit it, I probably would have come to the same conclusion – pissed off Asgard had left, taking their dead leader with them.

I leaned back, tilted my head up and looking at the ceiling. George still sat silently, patiently waiting for me to speak. Gradually my pulse slowed as I let myself relax. I let the quiet stretch for a moment longer, then lowered my head and sat forward.

"If what Say'tar said was true, and the Tok'ra do have the technology to detect Asgard vessels, then they certainly could have seen Myton's ship leaving several hours ago." I saw the frown begin to form on George's brow as he took in what I was saying. "I was beamed back to my quarters early this morning. I've been back for hours."

"What do you mean? Why didn't you report as soon as you returned?"

I sighed, looking into his confused face. "I fell asleep. I was exhausted, I really can't say much more than that. I had just woken up when I came to you."

George's gaze was calculating, then I saw the harsh lines around his mouth relax into a not quite smile. "You certainly look more rested than you did before."

I gave him a not quite smile back. "I felt better, at least until the Bobsey Twins visited." My hand reached up involuntarily and rubbed at the bridge of my nose. "This could be a problem."

"Is there any way of contacting Myton? Perhaps the communicator you have?"

I shook my head. "We can try, but they are probably out of range by now."

George stood again, a restless movement so unlike him that it made me start slightly. He walked over to the coffee pot and poured himself a cup, not even asking me if I wanted one. It looked like he was operating on autopilot and I wondered what he was thinking.

It was several minutes before he spoke again. I left the silence unbroken, knowing that whatever conclusion he came to, he would do the right thing.

He finally sat down again, still sipping on what must by now be cold coffee.

"I'll have to put this in my report."

I nodded. I had never doubted he would.

"Including the accusations the Tok'ra made."

I nodded again, outwardly careful not to allow what I was feeling to show. Inside I flinched. "I understand."

We sat for a while longer, until finally he pushed his chair back, standing wearily. I rose as well.

"I'll have a full report for you within the hour."

He didn't answer, just giving a brief nod of acknowledgement before leaving the room. I followed closely behind, but turned and headed for my office.

Just the facts, Jack. Just the facts.

This time the facts spoke for themselves.

* * *

The knock on the door was no surprise. It came a little quicker than I had expected, but I knew I had made enemies in high places, enemies that had been waiting for just such an opportunity.

I took the envelope from the young Lieutenant's hand, giving him a nod of dismissal. The papers inside were thick with officialdom, heavy solid forms that could spell the end of my career.

An inquiry.

Charges to face.

Cowardice in the face of the enemy.

No contact with anyone likely to appear before the tribunal.

Suspended.

There were other words, but only one that stood out for me. Cowardice.

No matter how much I wanted to remember it differently, I knew I had frozen. I had stood there like a lamb about to be slaughtered and waited for death. If I could have moved I probably would have turned tail and run.

I packed my briefcase and left the base, locking my office door behind me. As instructed, I didn't say goodbye, I just left, signing out and heading for home without a backward glance.

* * *


	20. Falling Over

Falling Over

* * *

I was very, very, very bored.

So far the only relief from the boredom of sitting at home waiting to be drummed out of the Air Force was avoiding my friends. I don't know what part of "I can't talk to you" Daniel didn't understand, but for a linguist he sure was slow on the uptake. He had called within an hour of my leaving the base, asking why I hadn't told him I was going. I suggested he talk to General Hammond.

It was only thirty-five minutes before he phoned again. I was surprised it had taken him that long. His indignation was almost palatable down the line. I cut him short and hung up.

He called again.

I listened to his message on my answer machine, and then wiped it. Then I listened to Carter's message. I would have thought she understood, but no – just as slow on the uptake as Daniel.

Teal'c was the surprise. He turned up on my doorstep.

"O'Neill."

"T."

Great conversationalists, we killers.

"You shouldn't be here."

"So I have been told."

Mexican standoff. I eyed him, he eyed me. Any more eyeing and we'd have to get married.

"I can't invite you in."

"I understand."

"You should go."

"Before I depart, I find it necessary to ask a question of you." He stood, solidly refusing to budge, probably the only person I knew I couldn't physically move. I didn't answer, knowing every action was being taped, every word recorded. "Had I been in your position, do you believe that I could have done something different? In the face of the memories of such deaths, do you think I would not have hesitated?" He spun on his heels, his large body moving with the grace of a dancer, throwing his next words over his shoulder. "I do not require your answer for I have already ascertained the truth."

He left me standing, dumbfounded, in the doorway as he drove off.

That had been days ago. If it wasn't for my pottery I probably would have gone mad. I'm a man of action, I needed to be up and moving.

Trips to the shops didn't work. Wandering the grocery aisles and checking out clothing stores for new jackets and shirts only occupied a tiny amount of time. Lingering in shops only resulted in strange looks from the assistants. Going for a run was out, the rain was pouring down so hard even I saw the folly in going out in it. At least the cast eventually came off my hand, and the exercises to get my broken fingers back to normal were a welcome diversion. My face sported a new scar, running down the length of my cheek. I couldn't decide if it made me look sexy, rakish, or sinister.

From the expression on the face of the young girl at the register of my local store, I'd go with sinister.

My house was overflowing with pots in all different shapes and sizes by the time I got the call.

Washington in one week.

Dress: formal.

* * *

I woke two days later to total chaos. The beer bottles had lined themselves up along the kitchen windowsill and the cleaning elves hadn't done their job.

I just hoped the surveillance team was finding the sound and vision of me doing housework, while alternating between throwing up and swearing, as fascinating as I did. I sort of felt sorry for them as I groaned my way around the house picking up bottles and placing them gently and very quietly in the trash.

My moment of indulgence over, I settled down to do some serious planning. I had plenty of time to think over Teal'c's words, and had come to the conclusion he was right. Sure, I had frozen, but only for a second. I was being too hard on myself to think otherwise. The shrinks would probably have a field day if they could read the reports on my last few years, Ba'al not withstanding. Add Ba'al to the mix and I was pretty damn proud I'd managed to react enough to kill him.

Anyone who knew me would know I wasn't a coward. It was this accusation that had undone me, if only briefly, and, if I was honest with myself, I knew it wasn't true. I could be accused of many things, but cowardice was never one of them.

There was another agenda being played out here. One lead by my enemies in places of power, and it was obvious who was at the top of my list.

Kinsey.

No way would I let that sanctimonious bastard destroy everything I stood for.

This was a battle he would never win.

* * *

The Pentagon had completely lost any mystic for me over the years. I stalked down the corridors, heading towards my fate with an emotion as close to coldness as I could achieve. The few familiar faces that passed me received only a brief nod as I kept my thoughts concentrated on the task at hand.

That was all except one. One face I looked straight at. Straight into the smug, self-righteous face of Kinsey. He didn't even try to conceal his grin of triumph as I walked towards him.

"General O'Neill."

"Kinsey." He frowned at my lack of courtesy, the people with him glancing at each other in surprise.

Every ounce of hatred I had left in my soul was distilled into the cold emotionless stare I fixed on him. He could have no doubt I knew who was behind this farce. A movement at the edge of my vision registered – one of Kinsey's watchdogs surreptitiously reaching a hand towards his weapon, his trained sense for danger obviously sending up large red warning signals.

Kinsey turned away first, his face becoming pale in the artificial light. He didn't speak again, just walked away. The watchdog was the last to follow, his gaze assessing and recording everything about me before hurrying to rejoin the quickly departing group.

* * *

The tribunal was made up of exactly the personnel I would have expected; General Hammond, General Vidrine, and General Jumper. Major Davis was looking a little lost in the exalted company he was keeping, as he sat at the end of the table and tried to look comfortable.

It was the first time I had seen George since I had left the SGC all those days ago. He looked tired and frayed at the edges, his face set into a frown of anxiety. I wondered what pressure had been placed on him since my suspension, and once more gave thanks that I was certain of his loyalty.

Vidrine was making notes on the pad in front of him, looking up at me before writing again, as if noting his assessment of my demeanour. I barely stopped myself checking that my tie was straight. Instead I waited at attention until Jumper gave me permission to sit, taking the chair across the wide table from them.

General Jumper began by explaining that the inquiry was to be held 'in camera' and asked if I would accept that. The nature of our work at the SGC made it impossible to do things in the usual manner, I understood that and agreed.

Major Davis read the cold facts of the mission out loud, as I watched Vidrine making notes, and Jumper sitting, his face pensive. George's eyes were fixed on me, the sympathy in them shining plainly.

I was asked if I agreed with the facts as stated in the mission reports. Carter's had been the epitome of military correctness, the facts stated plainly. It was what it didn't say that was obvious to me. She hadn't seen the details of my confrontation with Ba'al. She had been too far away. By the time she got closer it had all been over. Ba'al was dead and Thor was gone.

Daniel seemed to have had a similar moment of shortsightedness, Teal'c being the only one to state plainly that he had seen Ba'al use his ribbon device and Thor jump in front of the beam. No mention of my hesitation. I wondered what he would say under questioning.

A medical and psych report was attached, its bulk making it the largest document in the collection, and I saw it wasn't just an evaluation of my state of mind during the mission, but a complete run down of my mental soap opera during my military career plus a list of my physical injuries. Just a glance was enough to turn my stomach, and I was intimately familiar with the facts already. The other generals barely looked at it, and I realised they already knew all the gory details it contained. It must have made for some unpleasant bedtime reading for them. Major Davis had been left out of the loop on this one, and I caught him going back to certain spots, re reading as if he couldn't believe what his eyes were telling him. Once his eyes met mine and he nodded briefly. I looked away. I didn't need his compassion, even if I appreciated it.

We paused for lunch, the sandwiches I forced down in the cafeteria tasteless, the coffee bitter on my tongue. The witnesses would be called next. I knew I would have the right to question them, I had prepared for this. Carter, Daniel and Teal'c were the obvious ones, but I was unsure who else had been ordered to appear, Doctor Fraiser possibly, to report on her observations of my state of mind when I returned through the wormhole. I remembered how I had pushed past her, covered in my own blood and shut myself away with General Hammond. Not exactly the act of the professional military officer I was trying to make myself out to be. Then I looked at the people in front of me. They had known me, in most cases for years. What was I trying to prove?

I relaxed.

There was nothing any more damning in the face-to-face questioning than there had been in the reports. My team stuck to the facts, but still managed to show they supported me. Even Daniel came across as reasonable, reining in his emotions.

I wondered where this was all leading, there had to be more to this whole thing. Then the other shoe dropped.

The door opened and Jacob Carter walked in, looking slightly unfamiliar in his general's uniform.

He avoided my gaze, looked down and lifted his head again. His eyes glowed briefly and Selmak's voice rang out.

"I am Selmak. My host Jacob Carter will not speak, as I represent the Tok'ra at this inquiry." I must have been the only one to be startled by this, the panel members sat impassively. Selmak continued. "The Tok'ra reluctantly ask that General O'Neill be removed from the SGC and any involvement with the Stargate Program. His recent actions have made this imperative. We feel he can no longer be trusted. The withdrawal of the Asgard from our galaxy has just confirmed this."

Those bastards! The only snake I thought I could trust was the one being used to stab me in the back. Looking closer, I could see the telltale beads of sweat on Jacob's brow, the tenseness in his body. This wasn't Jacob speaking; this was the voice of Say'tar and Jos'van. This was the voice of all those enemies that I had made. This was even the voice of people like Kinsey. Jacob was just the mouthpiece.

George interrupted, his tone controlled. "General O'Neill has explained that the Asgard do not hold him to blame for Commander Thor's death."

"We only have his word for that."

I couldn't take it anymore. This betrayal was one too many. "And doesn't my word count for anything?!"

For a moment Jacob's eyes flashed, and Jacob's voice came out, strained and hurried. "Of course it does, Jack. I believe..." then the eyes lowered once more. When they lifted, Selmak was back. "My apologies, gentlemen. General Carter is a little upset at his role in these proceedings." He paused and turned to me. 'As am I." There was a wealth of meaning in his last words, bitterness at being the messenger boy.

Selmak straightened, his distaste for his task now clear. "I repeat – we insist General O'Neill be removed. The evidence is clear. He has lost the trust of the Tok'ra."

"But not mine."

I spun around, recognising the voice and stunned to hear it in these proceedings. The President stepped forward, closing the door behind him as we all stood. He stopped beside Jacob, placing a hand on the table edge and looking at me, before turning to the others.

"I apologise for the interruption, gentlemen, but I only just found out a representative of the Tok'ra was appearing before the tribunal. I felt that in all fairness a representative of Earth should also be heard. May I speak?"

General Jumper didn't bother to look at his other panel members before nodding. "We would be pleased to hear you, Mr President." He resumed his seat and we followed his lead. The President waited until we had settled ourselves before beginning.

"I will state firstly, that I personally have full confidence in General O'Neill." He turned and looked me straight in the eye, his voice firm., "If he told me black was white, I would believe him. The Asgard are still our allies. Soon Commander Thor will return, and for this we should give thanks. If..." he nodded towards Jacob, "...our friends the Tok'ra no longer want to be our allies, so be it, but it will not be because of anything General O'Neill has done. He has my full support."

When it was clear he had finished, General Jumper was the first to speak. "Thank you, Mr President. We will take your statement into consideration in reaching our decision.

We all stood again as the President turned to leave. "Thank you, gentlemen." He smiled at me and nodded. "Jack."

The message had been clear. The door shut behind him and the members of the panel exchanged looks. Vidrine looked a little put out, Jumper was trying to hide a smile, and George was openly beaming. Major Davis just looked stunned.

It was Jacob's reaction that was the most interesting. The voice of Selmak reverberated from his throat. "I shall wait until you have made your decision before I report back." He lowered his head and Jacob was let out to play. "I know you will make the correct one." With a smile he too left the room.

There was a moment of silence, broken by a cough from Major Davis. He reached for the pitcher of water on the table and poured himself a glass, obviously uncomfortably aware that all eyes had turned to him.

"You have friends in high places, General O'Neill. Almost as many friends as you have enemies." General Vidrine spoke for the first time during the proceedings.

"It seems so." I took his words for the warning they appeared to be. This wasn't over, not by any means.

"General O'Neill, do you have any proof that Commander Thor is alive."

"Only my word, General Jumper." I spoke calmly. "Which seems to be good enough for the President of the United States."

"Very well. I would ask you to wait outside while we consider our decision."

* * *

My friends were waiting for me when I left the meeting room. They hurried forward and clustered around, as if protecting me. I suppose they were. We were in enemy territory it seemed. Jacob was with them, his voice back to the down to earth tone of Carter's father.

"Jack. I had no choice. We were ordered to say what we did. Selmak didn't want to any more than I did."

I studied his face, looking for any sign of deception, and could see none. I nodded and smiled, taking his outstretched hand, knowing that just the fact I could see no deception, didn't mean that it wasn't there. My mistrust was growing with very minute I was in Washington.

"Come on, kids. Let's go get a coffee."

"Shouldn't you stay here, Jack?"

"I have the feeling that they will be quite a while, Daniel, and I don't intend to stand out in the corridor waiting for them. I've done enough waiting over the last couple of weeks." I spoke to the soldier standing guard at the door I had just exited. "If I'm needed send someone to get me. I'll be in the cafeteria."

He snapped a 'Yes, sir!" at me and I felt his curious eyes on me as we walked away.

The five of us took a table on the edge of the room near the door and away from any listening ears. I took a long sip of the hot coffee and sat back trying to look relaxed and knowing I was failing miserably.

"How's it going in there, Jack?"

"Okay, Daniel.' I left it at that, looking carefully around. My internal radar was twitching almost out of control.

Something wasn't right. Something was, in fact, very, very wrong.

We sat, my companions idly chatting while I sat, as still and as cool as a block of ice. It dawned on me that I wasn't the only one feeling twitchy. Teal'c had the same air of alertness I did. Our eyes met, and signals were exchanged. I felt better for knowing that it wasn't just me, that I wasn't imagining it.

"General O'Neill?" The young lieutenant stood to attention next to the table. "Would you please return to the meeting room?"

I stood, the eyes of everyone else at the table on me.

"Good luck, sir."

"Don't worry, Jack."

Both Carter and Daniel sent reassuring smiles my way. Teal'c stayed quiet, his gaze still surveying the room as I followed the young officer out.

"Take a seat, General O'Neill."

I trying to gauge the atmosphere and failed miserably. Even George was expressionless.

General Jumper spoke. "I am pleased to tell you that we have found no evidence to continue this inquiry any further. Your permanent record will reflect this decision and General Hammond will convey it to the Tok'ra. What they decide to make of this is up to them and in no way will there be any blame attached to you regardless of any actions they may take as a result." He paused and waited.

I stayed silent.

I wanted to know the real reasons behind this. Was it because they believed in me, or was it because of the President's support? The answer was important to me.

"We see no reason not to take your word for what happened on the Asgard vessel." This time Vidrine spoke. "As for your hesitation when confronted with Ba'al," he tapped his finger on the medical report on the table in front of him, "in light of this, you should be congratulated for taking the action you did."

This time I nodded. Perhaps I had been seeing conspiracies where there were none – a result of the stress of the last few weeks. I realised that the panel were standing, coming around the table. George was smiling, a genuine smile of pleasure. He strode toward me, his hand outstretched. I managed to pull myself to my feet as he reached me.

"I never doubted you, son."

"I knew that, sir." I felt his warm grip, and then he pulled me in to clasp me quickly to him. A pat on the back and he was standing back again.

"Shall we take this elsewhere, gentlemen? I think a few drinks may be in order." General Jumper turned as he spoke, his smile wide. "Major Davis? You'll join us?"

The major smiled back, looking at me. "I'll be pleased to join General O'Neill for a drink, sir."

"Then let's stop talking about it and go." General Vidrine's dry comment brought a chuckle from Jumper.

"After you, Jack." He opened the door and gestured me ahead of him. I saw my team in the corridor, waiting, Jacob with them, and began to smile.

The cry of outrage from Teal'c coincided with a hard thud against my chest, and I found myself inexplicably sinking slowly down the wall and on to the blue carpet.

My last thought was "Oh crap! Not again."

* * *

This time I didn't moan or groan or give any outward sign that I was awake. This time I lay there, listening to the beep of machinery, keeping my eyes tightly shut.

I knew exactly what had happened. I had been shot. I had known there was something wrong, but I had let down my guard and this was the result. So I lay quietly.

There was no pain. Just a dull ache in a tight band around my chest.

It must have caused quite a stir, having a General shot in the corridor of the Pentagon.

I drifted back to sleep and woke again to voices.

Important voices.

Angry voices.

"How the hell did this happen?!"

"We couldn't have known, sir. It was totally unexpected."

That was Jumper.

"You knew he had enemies. You should have been prepared."

The shout must have brought a doctor or nurse running, because a sharp voice cut in. "You'll have to keep your voices down, or leave. You will wake the patient."

My turn. I knew who the second voice belonged to.

"Too late." It came out a little softly for my liking, but still achieved the desired result.

"Damn. Sorry, Jack." The President's face slid into view as I opened my eyes.

"That's okay, sir. I was awake anyway." I swallowed and a hand held out a cup, a straw poking from the top. After I got my throat lubricated I continued. "I know I was shot, but I'd like to know who by."

The bed dipped slightly as the President perched himself on it. General Jumper appeared, dragging a chair to the area free of machinery on my left side. It was he who answered.

"One of Kinsey's body guards shot you. Fortunately Teal'c spotted him and tackled him as he fired. The bullet hit you in the upper chest and missed anything vital. Apart from losing a lot of blood there was no real damage done. You should be able to be transferred to the SGC with a couple of days."

I remembered the man I had exchanged looks with in the corridor after my confrontation with Kinsey and knew that it must have been him.

"Why?"

"He perceived you as a threat to his boss. Kinsey denies any knowledge of his plan. He's wiped his hands of him."

No surprise there.

I had won the battle but almost lost the war.

I closed my eyes, barely acknowledging the farewells of the two most powerful men in the nation.

My last thought was of Doctor Fraiser.

She was going to be so pissed with me again.

* * *


	21. Funerals, Friends, and Bullet Wounds

Funerals, Friends, and Bullet Wounds

* * *

I stood at the side of the church, near the aisle, watching the flower covered coffin being carried out. It must have been light; my aunt had been a small woman even before her last illness. I tried not to be too obvious about it, but I was leaning fairly heavily against the arm of the pew. I wasn't completely recovered and only an appeal to the Doc's better nature had got me begrudging approval to come to Chicago.

The pallbearers were finally manoeuvring their way down the steep steps at the front of the church, the mourners following at a discrete distance. I pushed myself off the pew with my right hand and slowly edged my way up the side of the church, staying as much in the shadows as possible. There was no way I was going to attract any less attention than I already had, but I could try.

"Jack." My cousin Ben beckoned to me from a few feet closer to the door. He stood with his arm around his wife's shoulder, his teenage son close by his side. I went over to the small family group.

Ben's gaze was appraising. "You okay, Jack?" His tone seemed to be one of genuine concern, a far cry from the bully he had always been when younger. His wife, Sally, smiled up at me, her eyes red rimmed from crying. Their son's attention was riveted on my chest, the rows of ribbons of much more interest to him than the man who wore them.

"It's nothing serious. Just a muscle strain."

"Are you coming back to the house? You'd be very welcome?"

"If you need to rest you can use the spare bedroom." Sally hurried to add.

"Thanks, but I better head back to the hotel." I was a little surprised that I was so welcome. I hadn't been one of Ben's favourite relatives, and I hadn't had any contact with him since I left Chicago. It was only because of his mother I was here at all. Aunt Beatrice had been the only relative I had kept in touch with on my mother's side, if you could call an annual exchange of Christmas cards keeping in touch.

My mother had died when I was only a few months old, leaving my father to raise his only child alone. Aunt Beatrice had been there for me, helping to pull Dad out of the depression my mother's death had thrown him into. Ben never really forgave his mother for that, his understandable jealousy turning what should have been a close friendship into something closer to hatred. Maybe he had mellowed as he had gotten older and had a family of his own. I didn't know, and to be honest, I really didn't care right at this moment. In a few days I might be able to revaluate our relationship, perhaps give Ben a call and arrange to have dinner next time I was in town, but all I wanted to do now was get back to my hotel, take a couple of those pain killers the Doc had given me, and sleep.

I politely made my farewells to my cousin and his family, leaving by a side entrance. I watched the hearse pull out from the curb from across the road, before walking a couple of streets over and hailing a cab.

* * *

I was already up and dressed when breakfast was delivered to me the next morning. An early night and an undisturbed sleep had done wonders for my mood, and I faced the bowl of cereal and plain slices of toast with something akin to pleasure. For once I wasn't hankering after eggs and bacon. Janet would have been proud. It wouldn't last, and I didn't doubt that by lunchtime a hot dog would be on the menu, but at the moment I felt a glow of self-righteousness.

The 'Herald Tribune' was sitting, neatly folded on the tray, so I settled down at the small table to see what had been happening in the world while I'd been in hospital. A quick read of the headlines told me everything I needed to know. The usual suspects were still making money hand over fist, nations were still arguing, people were still killing each other. Sometimes I despaired.

The crossword diverted me for a short time, but for once I couldn't get up the energy to find alternate answers to fit the clues. The trick was getting them to all fit into the grid as if they were meant to be there. Usually I managed to get a few laughs from Daniel and Carter when they read it, but today, here alone in a hotel room far from the Mountain, my heart just wasn't in it.

Pouring another coffee, I continued to turn the pages, interested to find more local news from my old hometown. I didn't expect what I found – hidden in the small print was a tiny article of barely three paragraphs, probably only making it into the paper because one of its subjects was a well known scientist – my high school year was having a reunion. It culminated with a dinner tonight.

I sipped my coffee, sitting back in the chair and staring vaguely out the window at the park opposite the hotel. My memories of the final year of high school here in Chicago weren't exactly pleasant. My father had died three days before Christmas and I hadn't been much in the mood for study after that. My grandparents had swooped in and dragged me back with them to Minnesota, enrolling me in the local high and making sure I graduated despite my best efforts. I hadn't kept in touch with any of my old classmates, and I was curious to see how they had turned out.

My decision made, I eyed the clothes in the closet. No way was I going to turn up at a reunion in dress blues. That didn't leave me many options and the best I could do was a combination of various items I had brought for casual wear. Not a look I normally went for, but what the hell, I couldn't wear sweats.

The rest of the day was taken up by a little lazy sightseeing, familiarising myself again with my old stomping grounds. Some memories were good, some bad. Fortunately the good far outweighed the bad, and I wondered why it had taken me so long to come back. By afternoon I was beginning to feel the effects of all the walking and I turned towards the hotel, annoyed that my normal level of fitness was taking so long to return after this latest injury.

For one brief moment I wished I hadn't given up my role in the nefarious activities all those shadowy agencies had taken part in. A bullet between the eyes would rid me of Kinsey in one easy step.

Maybe not.

With a rueful sigh, I stepped out of the elevator and unlocked the door to my room, collapsing on the bed after barely managing to pull off my shoes.

I woke three hours later, my chest aching. Popping a couple more painkillers into my mouth, I washed them down with a glass of water and waited for them to take affect. A hot shower helped ease the pain, although a glance in the mirror at the new, livid scar was a nasty reminder of how close Kinsey had come to winning that round.

I needed to relax for an evening, forget about the political machinations surrounding the Stargate Programme, forget just for one evening that I was General O'Neill, with everything that entailed.

I slipped into the black trousers and shirt, grunting a little as I bent to tug on the black boots. I picked up my leather jacket and gave myself a once over in the mirror on the closet door. I couldn't help laughing at what I saw – Jack O'Neill, rebel without a cause. It was a bit over the top, but my only other option of old jeans was out, so it would have to do. I cautiously slid my arms into the jacket, wincing a little as the action pulled the still tender skin. A final brush of my hair and I was ready.

* * *

The hall was exactly as I remembered it, even down to the peeling paint around the main door. In fact, the whole school looked a little down at mouth, a bit tired and old. Rather like me actually.

"Can I help you?"

The pleasant looking woman sitting behind the desk just inside the entrance was unfamiliar to me. I peered at her badge. Nope, didn't recognise the name.

I smiled nicely. At least I think it was nice – I was a little out of practice in the smiling department. She didn't run screaming for the hills so I assumed I got it right.

"Jack O'Neill. I was in town and saw the article in the paper. Thought I'd drop in and say hi, perhaps catch up with some old friends." I smiled again and received one in return. She leafed through the file on the desk in front of her until she got to the "O"s, running her finger down the column.

"Here you are. We didn't have any contact details for you, so we couldn't send out an invitation." She began writing out a label. "It's no problem to have you join us at all. I'm glad you could make it."

Label firmly attached, I made my way into the main hall. There was quite a crowd, some standing in groups talking, others sitting at tables. I could feel the eyes on me as I entered, and I was sure everyone was trying to put a name to the face. I made it several feet inside before a voice came from somewhere to my right.

"Jack! Jack O'Neill. Well I'll be..."

This time my smile was genuine. "Tom Lewendoski." I grasped his outstretched hand in mine. "It's great to see you."

I looked at my childhood friend and saw the changes the years had wrought. His still brown hair had receded almost back as far as his ears, and his waistband had grown, but his face was unlined and worry free. All in all he was looking good. I wondered if he was thinking the same about me. Was he just seeing the signs of stress, the scars above my eye and down my cheek, the tiredness I saw in my eyes every time I looked in the mirror?

"Where have you been hiding yourself, Jack? I wrote a couple of times and never got an answer."

What could I tell him? That I had thrown away all the letters from home without opening them, not wanting a reminder of what I had lost. That I had been angry and blamed everyone and everything for my father's death? I took refuge in a lie.

"Did you, Tom? I never got them." I thumped him on the back. "But I'm here now."

We had continued walking as we spoke, heading towards a large group sitting at one of the tables.

Rachael Smith, Karen McPherson, Harvey Killick. The names rushed back to me. Three men and another two women whom I didn't recognise.

Karen peered short-sightedly at my label and gave a soft squeal of surprise. "It's Jack!"

"Hi Karen, long time no see." She moved across, gesturing to me to sit in the vacant chair beside her.

"What's everyone been up to?" One of the men I didn't recognise made to pour me a glass of wine, but I smiled and shook my head. Alcohol definitely didn't mix well with the painkillers I was taking. He frowned slightly as he pulled the bottle back.

"This is my husband, Jeff. We're living in Boston now. Don't get back here very often." My question was answered by Rachael. The man with the wine placed a proprietary hand on her arm, his every move sending warning signals. He had no problem there. Rachael and I may have been an item for a few months back in high school, but those days were long gone. I wondered what sort of stories she had told about me to cause him to react like that. Maybe I didn't want to know.

The others introduced me to their respective wives and husbands. Only Harvey was unmarried, even Tom had a wife and three children whose photos he proudly showed me. Charlie would have been the same age as his youngest.

"What about you, Jack?" Tom had taken a seat across the table from me. "Married?"

I kept it simple. "Divorced."

The inevitable question was next. I was ready for it.

"Children?"

"Nope." I made myself smile, taking away the harshness of the answer.

"What have you been doing all these years, Jack?" Harvey's tone was slightly bored, as if he was only asking out of politeness. He had been one of the nerds, a member of the Science Club – Carter would have loved him. We had never been friends; his group and mine had been at the opposite end of the school hierarchy. I had him to thank for being here though. He was the only one of my classmates to have gained public recognition – his research into quantum physics earning him several awards, and the small article that had caught my eye in the paper.

"I joined the Air Force. I'm based in Colorado Springs."

"Air Force? So you're a pilot?" Tom's wife, Lorie opened her blue eyes wide, her hand twirling a piece of hair around her finger.

"Yes, I have been, sometimes."

"What do you do now? Desk jockey?" I wanted to wipe the superior smirk off Harvey's face, but contented myself with a quick answer.

"You could say that"

I had already lost the listeners' attention, my boring life behind a desk not able to compete with the glamor of grown-up science projects.

The conversation flowed on as the food was put on the long tables at the end of the hall. I stood, feeling the stiffness of having sat for so long, and realised how slowly I was walking when Tom shortened his strides to match mine. His gaze was curious and I could almost hear his thoughts –. my continued refusal of alcohol, my stiffness, my perceived desk job all added up - Jack O'Neill had turned into an old man.

I was beginning to get annoyed.

The final straw came soon after we returned to the table with our food. There was a small group clustered around Harvey's chair listening to him pontificate. He had been asked about his work and had dismissed the question, stating baldly that no one would be able to understand it even if he did explain. I swear he was looking straight at me as he spoke.

Being a general and part time ambassador for our planet had certainly taught me some tact, but it all left me in a rush.

"Actually I find De Vaucouleurs' argument to be quite simplistic. I touched on a similar theory in my doctorate."

With that I stood and left the stunned silence behind. I had spotted a few more familiar faces, including a couple of my old teachers. Very old teachers!

"They had huge eyes, just like those Roswell aliens. Then they probed me."

My forwarded momentum stopped and I came to a screeching halt.

"I didn't see anyone else there, but I know there are others that have been abducted. We have meetings."

Oh for crying out loud! Did I want to even know about this? Should I go talk to him, ask questions? Find out if Loki was back and up to his old tricks, or if it happened years ago?

I saw the gleam of fanaticism in the speaker's eyes and the uncomfortable movements of the people around him – the "don't make eye contact and back away slowly' sort of movements.

Nope – probably just a nutcase. Nothing to see here. Moving right along.

"Mr Greyson." The figure may have been small and frail, but the eyes when they turned to met mine were as clear and alert as ever.

"Jack O'Neill, as I live and breathe!" My old history teacher clasped my hand firmly. "Or should I say General O'Neill?"

Crap! I had been sprung.

"I've been keeping an eye on your career, Jack, what little I could find out about. You've done your old school proud."

"General?" Tom came up from behind me.

Mr Greyson smiled at Tom. "Yes. Jack is one of our country's most highly decorated officers. Didn't you know?"

I began edging towards the door.

"I had no idea." The circle around us was growing. I was cornered.

"Weren't you injured recently, shot?"

What was this old man? Some sort of NID agent? How the hell did he know all this? And, more to the point, why did he have to say it?

"Shot? How recently?" Jeff pushed forward. "Is that why you weren't drinking?"

"Why?" I didn't deny it, but I also didn't answer the question.

He grunted his disapproval. "I'm a doctor. You're on painkillers, aren't you? I thought you were on something, I just wasn't sure what."

Well, that explained his previous attitude. He must have seen my black clothes, my scars and my pupils and added two and two to make five.

He wasn't going to let it go.

"So apart from the fact that you're a general, what else are you hiding? Just how badly were you injured?"

All I wanted to do was sit down somewhere quiet away from the curious faces. Even Harvey was there on the edge of the circle, looking astounded. Jeff grabbed my arm, tugging me towards an exit. He beckoned to my old teacher. "Mr Greyson, if you could please show us to somewhere more private?"

We left the others behind, moving into the corridor of the school proper and heading for the staff room. I couldn't seem to get up the energy to protest, Jeff was a force to be reckoned with. He pushed open the door, shutting it behind us, and turned to face me.

"Now, where were you shot?"

I muttered a reluctant answer. "In the chest."

The rise of his eyebrows would have done Teal'c proud. "Take your shirt off."

What was it about doctors? Whenever they saw me they seemed to get this gleam in their eyes, even ones that barely knew me.

As I undid the buttons, I turned to Mr Greyson, wincing a little as I twisted. "How did you know?"

"My nephew works at the Pentagon. He knows you are an ex-pupil of mine." He gave a short laugh, his whole face smiling. "Plus it was hardly a secret. A general getting shot in the corridor of the Pentagon by a senator's bodyguard is something that gets talked about. Especially when the general is a personal friend of the President of the United States."

Jeff's eyebrows had almost reached his hairline, but it didn't stop him from pulling my shirt off. There was a sharp gasp as he took in the extensive bandages around my chest, slightly loose after my poor re- bandaging job after my shower and all the activity this evening. I had been supposed to visit a doctor Janet had given me the address of. Somehow I just hadn't seemed to get around to it.

"Let's see those painkillers."

I pulled the bottle from my pocket and handed them over without question. I knew when I was licked.

"These are pretty strong, I'm surprised you're still on your feet. In fact I'm surprised you're even here." He handed them back and continued. "I'll redo these bandages then I'll call you a cab. Where are you staying?"

I muttered the name of my hotel, as he pulled and prodded, until I was as tightly bound as an Egyptian mummy.

When I got my breath back, I managed to finally speak.

"I'm not going back to the hotel just yet, Doctor." I gave him my best glare. "This is hardly the first time I've been shot, I know my limits. I may push them sometimes, but not too far, it isn't worth the consequences. I'm going back out there, and I'm going to talk to some old friends. I've been out of touch for too long to let a few twinges stop me." I got to my feet, managing to stand straight without too much effort. "Thanks for your help, Jeff."

I picked up my dignity and left the room.

The word had gotten around. All eyes were on me as I walked into the room. Well, perhaps not all eyes, there were an awful lot of people there that either hadn't heard or just weren't interested. There were, however, enough people looking at me to make me feel very uncomfortable.

Tom was just inside the door. "Jack!" He must have been waiting there the whole time. "What's going on?"

"Nothing much, Tom. Listen," I started across the room. "We haven't had much of a chance to talk, what say we find somewhere quiet and catch up?"

"Sure." He nodded enthusiastically, "Hey – I saw John Kepos arriving a few minutes ago, late as usual, why don't I grab him, let Lorie know where I am, and meet up outside in our old spot?"

"Sounds great. I'll be waiting."

The moonlight was enough to let me pick my way without mishap to the corner of D Block. I eased myself carefully down onto the low bench that ran the length of the building and waited, drinking in silence and the memories. Tom, John and I had spent many a skipped class back here discussing everything from girls to what the future held for us.

We had never come close to guessing mine.

My friend's voices broke the stillness, and they took a seat on either side of me, the clink of glass accompanying them.

"Beer, Jack?"

"No thanks, John." I smiled into the darkness.

"I brought you a mineral water. Figured you'd be thirsty by now." Tom passed the bottle over, and I took a grateful sip.

"God, times have changed. You never use to turn down a drink."

"I'm taking some medication that doesn't mix too well with beer, John."

"Blood pressure?"

"No, bullet wound."

We all took another swig from our bottles, the hairs on the back of my neck twitching as John stared at me from the darkness. He didn't even blink.

My turn.

"What are you doing now, John?"

"I'm in IT."

"Sweet."

"You?"

"Air Force."

"Cool."

We all took another swig.

"He's a general."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Cool."

The sound of drinking drowned out the muted music coming from the hall.

* * *

I put my bag down in the hall with a grateful sign, very much looking forward to sleeping in my own bed. Hotel pillows are never exactly right.

I took the phone from its cradle, walking towards my TV as I did so. "Hey, Daniel. Did you record those programs for me?"

My friend's voice echoed down the line. "Of course. The second tape is still in the machine. I left the other one on the coffee table."

I pushed the eject button on the recorder, slipped the other tape in, and sat back. My shoes hit the floor and my sock clad feet were up on the table within seconds.

"Thanks, Daniel. Listen, get hold of the others and tell them to be here tomorrow for lunch. Bring everything."

"Sure. What time?"

"How about noon?"

"We'll be there. How was the trip?"

I smiled, feeling more relaxed than I had in months. "Fine, Daniel, just fine. I'll tell you all about it tomorrow."

Hanging up the receiver, I pressed play, the familiar theme music coming from the speakers.

I had my cousin Ben's phone number written in my address book, John and Tom were meeting me at the cabin next spring, fishing, beer and good times on the agenda, aliens and wormholes permitting, and my team would be here tomorrow.

As I drifted off to sleep, I realised that today marked the anniversary of my first year as a General. Things had certainly changed over that time, mostly for the better.

All I needed now was that familiar sparkle of the Asgard transporter and everything would be sweet.

My dreams were filled with laughter and large alien eyes.

The End Continued in 'General Jack Year Two'


End file.
